Category: Suicide

Take Mental Illness and Suicide out of the Silos of Silence

My family suffered the triple stigma with our son – depression, addiction and death by suicide. Stigma can exist only in an environment where judgment and lack of education thrive. Which is precisely why we need to talk about them. Openly and without judgment.

I am stripping away the façade and hitting taboo subjects head on. The death of my son Charles Aubrey Rogers by suicide in June of 2015 taught me that.

Everybody has a story. Everybody has struggles. A visible success does not make any life perfect. And you know by now what can go on behind closed … Read more...

Camo Heart – #griefheart number 52

Camo Heart
Camo Heart

On this memorial day, we honor those we’ve lost in battle as well as those we’ve lost to internal battles.

There is no camouflaging the high suicide rate for both active duty troops and veterans which is roughly 50% higher than the national rate. Twenty two veterans every day die by suicide.

Transitioning to life after service is difficult and PTSD, depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses plague our troops and veterans. Thank you Nancy Smith, Westover Hills neighbor, who invited me into her home to use the military medal and the background.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain … Read more...

To those who need it now, don’t let that pilot light of hope burn out

through all the terror i can find beauty and a glimpse of hope

Suicide is loss of hope.

And certainly after you lose a child by suicide, your sense of hope is hard to find.  What do you do after you lose one of the people that gives your life meaning?

The pain of losing my child by suicide was relentless at first until I just went numb and catatonic. That numbness is your body’s only defense to the onslaught of unbearable agony.

Yet through all that despair, I desperately held onto that tiny shred of hope that was going to keep me alive, keep me moving forward. I held onto it with everything I had. That awful night, my son and … Read more...

Top 10 posts in the last 6 weeks the emotionally naked blog

to 10 taboo posts

This is from April 16 until May 28. I started the blog at the very end of January.

Here is the list from last time.

These are ranked by the number of visits from Google analytics so it’s basically your top ten.  I added a bonus #11 because although it’s Charles’ work which is important to me.

The one that ranks #1 is the one I thought no one would ever read or want to read. It was so cleansing for me to let go of it and not have it swirl around in my head all the time.

1.

… Read more...

When suicide seems to come from out of nowhere. Remembering Maggie Moyler

by Charlotte Moyler

Photo: Maggie Moyler, 17. The photo was taken 2 weeks before her suicide

Note from Anne Moss: Charlotte Moyler is a suicide loss survivor and founder of Suicide Loss Survivor Group in Williamsburg, VA. Until now, she had not gone public with her story.

—————–

We called her Pie, our little Magpie.

Born in January 1994 and adopted into our family when she was less that two days old. Maggie was an answered prayer and so much more! She was the daughter I longed for after 14 years of marriage. She was tiny and full of … Read more...

Grief: Finding joy where I can, when I can

Totally embarrassing video below

When Richard, oldest son, was here for the Richmond Film Festival early in March, we got some time to spend together. (His film Cottonmouth got in the festival.)

One day I took him and his roommate out to lunch. While we sat there eating, Richard said, “Hey Mom, do you want to go to the screenings with us this afternoon?” I said,”Yes I can. No plans!”

Whatever plans I had, poof, they were gone. Fortunately I had taken the day off and cannot even remember what my plans might have been.

In the car before we … Read more...

Verse for the Lonely – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Lonely flower from Gene Nimocks
Lonely flower from Gene Nimocks

All by myself feeling’ lonely as hell
Like I fell in a well, no one hears me yell
Someone get me out of this pit
someone get me out of this shit
Sorry drippin’ down my pen
Bleeding out when I spit

This is a verse for the lonely
When you’re hurt mission’ homies
Poppin’ perks cause your’ lonely on earth
It’s the worst when you immerse into solitude
Your shadow is the only one who follows you
The mirror is the only 1 who talks to you
It eats you alive till it swallows … Read more...

How many lives can you save?

Lauren is in her early 20s. After she sent this note to me she reached out to her parents. She asked me to post her message here so you could see it and share it so that it would help others.

“On May 10th at 2:09pm, I thought about taking my life….Reading an article from a mother who has felt such devastating pain, you helped change my perception of life. Your article gave me the strength to share with my own mother/father what I’ve been meaning to say to them for four years.”

Lauren

Note from Lauren:

I came across … Read more...

What do those suicide notes look like?

Not everyone leaves a last letter.

But we mothers have found things tucked away and balled up in the trash. Maybe not an official suicide note, but they do reflect what the sufferer is feeling in their darkest hour.

Usually, they are not thinking of you. They are thinking you’d be better off without them. Most at this point are in agony.

People suffering from depression don’t want to tell you they hurt. One, that’s the nature of the illness. Two, they don’t want to reveal that darkness their souls. They’d rather die that feel the rejection from those they love … Read more...

The final 48 hours

Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988

This is one of the last photos of Charles before he died
This is one of the last photos of Charles before he died

Charles, who suffered from anxiety and depression and ultimately addiction had been from detox to rehab to a sober house. After rehab he looked great. I call this “Saturday Charles.” He then went to the sober house but relapsed the next morning by walking downtown and buying heroin. We can only imagine he got money from his room at home on the way to the recovery house. The policy … Read more...

I know what will wipe out mental health stigma

In 2 years, stigma for mental health and addiction will be a thing of the past
In two years, stigma for mental health and addiction will be a thing of the past

More people are speaking out–Suicide survivors, suicide loss survivors, overdose survivors, those who suffer with mental illness.

Parents are motivated to seek help and are risking the fallout of reaching out because the risk of losing their child outweighs their fear of living with shame.

Then there is the awareness, rising suicide rates, media coverage and the opiate epidemic which has cut across all racial and socioeconomic groups including politicians.

All of this works in tandem together to raise awareness and educate millions.

But that’s just part of

… Read more...

My alter ego talks me through my first Mother’s Day

Alter Ego:  It’s Mother’s Day today. Your first

Me: Now that’s a new definition of the first Mother’s Day

Alter Ego: It’s the first since his suicide

Me: I just want to die

Alter Ego: Really? 

Me: No, not really. I planned the birthday and death anniversary but there so many occasions. I just failed to plan for this one. 

Alter Ego: What would you have done? 

Me: Planned a surgery that lasted all day 

Alter Ego:  Well you don’t need surgery

Me: No. I just need the anesthesia

Alter Ego:  It’s just one day

Me: I know, I know. … Read more...

Dear Heroin, I F-ing HATE you!

You are the sorriest, most vicious, demonic son of a bitch in the world.

You took over my child at his most vulnerable and you lured him into your lair of deceit. Then wrapped your evil talons around him, leaked into his brain and never let go until he was dead.

You told him that he was the greatest human being in the world–and then the most worthless. You ostracized him from his family and his friends and made him do things he would not ever have done without your influence.

You made him lie, cheat and steal for you. You made him … Read more...

Redefining the meaning of ‘the first birthday’

This is not my son’s first birthday. It’s the first birthday since he died. He would have been 21.

grief, loss, suicide, the first birthday after suicide
Charles’ 20th birthday

Years ago, I dreamed we would be in a better place with Charles–with his depression and addiction. His sleep disorder, his anxiety, his ADHD. We worked so hard at it.

Instead we are grappling with his suicide. I still can’t believe it some days.

As I look back, I see things I didn’t see before.

I can’t even tell you how much I miss him. How much this hurts. I know you know that.

His birthday is my connection to him … Read more...

Can you make your suicide story positive?

And yes I get this question a lot. And no, I can’t. I won’t.

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I won’t sugar coat my story. I won’t lie for the sake of saving you tears. I won’t avoid the subject of my son and his suicide.

Most importantly, I won’t leave you without hope.

Many times when he struggled and we struggled, I felt my hope waver. We were desperately in debt and resources for help were slim. But I clung to hope with all my might–never letting that pilot light to go out.

While my son died by suicide, I still have hope. Hope for others. And … Read more...