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Category: Mental Health

Trigger or red flag?

A trigger is an event, sound, sight, smell, or touch, that elicits an emotional response or prompts the memory of a trauma or unpleasant event.

A red flag is a warning sign of danger ahead.

A friend of mine, Alissa says that whenever she burns something on the stove it reminds her of a time when her mother cooked crack cocaine on the stove, a period in her life when she and her sisters went hungry, felt unloved, and neglected. While it has taken years, she has learned to appreciate that she endured this journey, is no longer in this … Read more...

Must be nice

must be nice

Whether are chatting with friends or scrolling through social media, we’ve all paused and had that thought, “must be nice” in response to something someone else has or has posted. Maybe we have that same stab of jealousy when someone has a swanky car or an enviable handbag.

We tend to dive into this mindset when we are feeling low and have a hard time seeing anything great in our lives due to our current situation. (Which, by the way, is the worst time to be scrolling through social media.)

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” is the saying that … Read more...

Don’t let your brain talk you out of what you know in your gut

You get a feeling and then you “logic” your way out of believing your gut. Either from fear, denial, disbelief, or something else.

You don’t want to trust something so kumbaya.

So many times in my life, I allowed my brain to talk me out of what I knew to be true. At times the universe had to present hard and fast evidence for me to believe what was happening right under my nose while my gut had been telling me for days or months.

The most difficult episode was when I didn’t answer my son’s last phone call one … Read more...

Depression has many faces. What are the signs?

My son rarely looked sad

We are often conditioned to look for the sad person when we think of depression. The above picture is what I saw, a happy-go-lucky kid with a revolving door of friends. When we finally got a depression diagnosis for Charles after a psychological evaluation I was shocked. I had thought about it but he did not seem to fit the criteria I had been reading. People rarely do.

Charles would live with untreated depression, become addicted to heroin and die by suicide.

Men who live with depression are often irritable and angry during a depressive … Read more...

From suicide loss survivor to post traumatic thriver

They call it post-traumatic growth. I say that with a cringe. Because I didn’t accept this descriptor without denying it and pushing it away because I worried it sounded braggy.

Over the last two years, many have pointed out that I was more than a survivor at this point in my journey.

Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory that explains transformation following trauma

This theory, developed in the mid-1990s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, PhD, and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, posits that people who endure psychological struggle following adversity can often see positive growth afterward.

This evolution from survivor to thriver does … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #15

The Richmond Spider mascot was silly, fun, and had a lot of dancing fun with the audience and especially the kids.

A fun mascot is something for which I am grateful on day #15 of the #thegratitudeproject.

What are you grateful for today?

Want to keep up with a daily dose of gratitude?

Subscribe below by choosing “daily.” If you are on our email list, this list is separate and will auto-send daily posts that are published keeping you engaged with #thegratitudeproject. I have no idea how long I will do this. I just know I need it

… Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #14

Sounds can be very soothing and bring moments of peace. Today’s grateful post is the sound of a brook that feeds into the James River by the lake at Forest Hill Park.

The sound of running water is something for which I am grateful on day #14 of the #thegratitudeproject.

What are you grateful for today?

Want to keep up with a daily dose of gratitude?

Subscribe below by choosing “daily.” If you are on our email list, this list is separate and will auto-send daily posts that are published keeping you engaged with #thegratitudeproject. I have no

… Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #13

We’ve been playing Scattegories. Not the actual board game. We found an online version and we use notepads.

This got started as a new tradition after the death of my son, Charles, by suicide. He loved games. So we make an effort to play one in his memory to bring the family together and create a new tradition. I’m grateful for the fun, laughter, and connection that my younger son has inspired in his memory.

A game with the family is something for which I am grateful on day #13 of the #thegratitudeproject.

What are you grateful for today?… Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #12

It took me about a half hour to dress to walk today because it was 19 degrees Fahrenheit. With the wind chill factor, it was 5 degrees. Thank goodness for old ski clothes. because that is cold for this Southern girl.

This little husky pup was waiting for me. Now I don’t normally pet strange dogs but this one and I go back a ways. He greeted me, anxiously expecting some attention which I gladly gave. I didn’t see many people or dogs today because saner folks were staying indoors where it was warm. But there was sun and I … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #11

It rained all day today. But instead of staying inside, I went out in it. I put on my raincoat, rain pants, boots, and umbrella. That’s my umbrella in the photo. It’s the kind that doesn’t drip on you when you fold it up.

I am not going to say I love dark, dreary rainy days. But they sure do help me appreciate the sunny beautiful ones.

We do get a good amount of rain. It’s not too much but there are so many areas now that are drought-stricken. So our plants are nourished and our water is not restricted. … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #10

As hard as this time of year can be from the standpoint of loss, once I get closer to the actual day, I zone out and enjoy some downtime. This year I’m not putting on the big spread and that leaves me with a bit more chill time to relax and just stop going, going. going. It feels good.

That’s my feet in the photo above covered with a blanket. Because this is one lazy picture. No judging. I’m chillaxing.

Some downtime at the end of the year is something for which I am grateful on day #10 of the … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #9

Love flew in from Los Angeles and we picked up my oldest son, Richard, from Dulles airport in Washington DC. That’s a 4.5-5 hour round trip and totally worth it. This is a late-night photo.

This is the kid who just weeks after college graduations said, “You are great parents…” 5 minutes into our breaking the news about his brother’s death by suicide.” He said more than that and you can read all about that here in this post.

No one else could have said anything that would have mattered more than that statement did on the absolute worst … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #8

I love college basketball and always have. My team is the UNC Tarheels and I was watching games starting at the age of three.

My family would gather around the TV watching, yelling, and jumping up and down together. I watched with friends, my Episcopal Young Churchman group, college chums. Earlier in 2022 when my mom was still alive, we enjoyed the game still together when I would visit. Or we’d chat after a really good one and go over the assists, the three point shots, the defense, or ball handling and steals.

UNC was where I dreamed of going … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #7

Sleep.

I’m so tired I can’t even fully express how grateful I am it’s close to bedtime and I can pack in some restorative z’s. So this one is super short. It was the number one activity I focused on after my son died. A good night’s sleep is the foundation of healing,

The gift of a good night’s sleep is one for which I am truly grateful on day #7 of the #thegratitudeproject.

What are you grateful for today?

Want to keep up with a daily dose of gratitude?

Subscribe below by choosing “daily.” If you are on

… Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #6

We started as a book club and became a group of moms going through child-rearing, jobs, teenage issues, and more. Decades later, there is more dancing and talking than book club activities but we always have fun together.

These were the people with whom I confided that my son, Charles, was doing drugs, eventually addicted to drugs, and whom I called right after he killed himself. To say we’ve been through a lot together would not really come close to the love and support I find with these ladies.

This gift of friendship is one for which I am truly … Read more...