Between those book covers, there is a lot of pain, anger, laughter, purpose, healing, hope, and heart. I do feel a little naked and a lot vulnerable but I’m less terrified today than I was two weeks ago. And yeah, excited. I’ve woken up at 4:30am for the past two weeks.
I have had initial feedback from advance readers and so far so good. A good launch is important and that has to do with sales so here are some things to help … Read more...
Not all of these are sunny and positive. And we tend to avoid darkness. But I think for Charles, writing about the darkness helped him find light–until he found dope. There are so many rap songs and I have so few. Here are some of the quotes from those stanzas that I am sharing.
“…if you make it through today,
you can make it through the next”
——Rap Song: Find Beauty
“Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.”
“As dark as my life’s like, I can still smile at the bright side and see the
“If you’ve got something good, you better respect it
Hold your world and protect it
The only thing guaranteed in life is death
And everything looks sweeter when you haven’t any life left”
– Charles Aubrey Rogers
This one is the hardest for me to watch but I feel it reflects his creative genius the most. My opinion, as everyone has their favorite. As you will hear why, I lose it every time I listen to it. It is definitely dark but a portrait of a beautiful, tortured soul.
“Crap rap” as charles called it is not real rap. That’s … Read more...
I remember thinking that Charles didn’t pay any attention to the news.
I was wrong
It was after Charles’ suicide when his friend Max from Wasatch Academy, the high school from where Charles graduated, sent me this video which I had never seen. In it you will hear exactly how a depressed kid thinks. How they take on the world’s problems and see themselves as such flawed human beings.
He was deeply touched, angered and saddened by the Sandy Hook shooting. Much more than I thought.
Charles had many gifts but the untreated depression that he thought he could “manage … Read more...
The irony in this rap song is downright eerie. And the bullying Cal endured ate at Charles.
Cal died by suicide almost exactly 2 years to the day before Charles did and by the same method. I don’t think Charles’ death was in any way a copycat. Charles wrote two songs that I have but I am sure in his lost notebooks he had others about Cal.
In the history of the wilderness program he attended in Clayton, GA, no two kids from the same hometown, much less the same high school ended up in the same group. Charles and … Read more...
Charles would rather Eminem or Cage be performing this rap. But I don’t know their numbers.
Since 8th grade, rap was Charles’ lifeline. He wrote it, performed it and it helped him deal with his depression and his addiction. I’m not talking about the crap rap that is commercially popular, I’m talking about soulful kind that represents the root of the genre.
He never shared his raps with me and other than the ones online. I saw them only after he died. He knew I’d be alarmed. I called his notebooks his Rap Diaries and in those pages, I … Read more...
Another of Charles’ raps penned under Reezin’ the Revolutionary. This one nails addiction. It’s not pleasant but neither is the illness. I think once you read it, you start to have an understanding of the self loathing an addict suffers from.
Warning, it has some language. I pondered whether to put it out there. But I know Charles wanted his music shared. He was hardly a dealer but I am sure he sold to support his habit at times. Depression is an awful illness. But addiction really is the devil. During his last days, he suffered a depressive episode … Read more...
All by myself feeling’ lonely as hell Like I fell in a well, no one hears me yell Someone get me out of this pit someone get me out of this shit Sorry drippin’ down my pen Bleeding out when I spit
This is a verse for the lonely When you’re hurt mission’ homies Poppin’ perks cause your’ lonely on earth It’s the worst when you immerse into solitude Your shadow is the only one who follows you The mirror is the only 1 who talks to you It eats you alive till it swallows … Read more...
This is real shit, not crap rap,
The park I used to trap at is next to the tunnel where Cal took his last nap.
Just a coupla weeks away from graduation,
He was supposed to have that gown and tassled cap hat.
Cosby was where he was supposed to grad at,
But he tied that rope and choked,
No joke, than ain’t somthin’ to fuckin’ laugh at,
That ain’t somethin’ to fuckin’ laugh at.
I lie in bed and see you die in my head,
Stay awake and squirm while my brain shakes with your … Read more...