You should be with other mothers of dead children

I love being with other parents who’ve lost a child. No one understands my pain more than other members of the club no one wants to be in. But I also want to be with my old friends, too.

The thing is, after Charles died, I was in fear of losing my old friends–friends who had not weathered read more

I wish there were the right words for loss of a child

Years after the death of a child, things are not ‘better.’ What I mean is that ‘better’ is not the right word. The grief is in shorter bursts and it’s more tolerable.

For example, I’m able to move forward most days. I’m able to laugh. But I want a word read more

Finding the light in the darkness of loss

When tragedy happened, it changed me. I feel love deeper and more passionately. I feel more empowered than I have ever felt before.

None of this would have happened had I not lost my son, Charles. I would not have scripted it this way. Who would?

Little things don’t bother me as much. I’m read more

How to stay married after losing a child

You might think the death of a child would bring a couple closer but that’s not always the case. I think when a child dies, how people grieve and accept the loss differs. Sometimes there is blame, especially when it comes to suicide and overdose, making a difficult situation even worse.

I read more

Let people know it’s OK to talk about your deceased child

Bring it up first. That gives others permission to talk about it. Because I talk about Charles often and openly, people aren’t afraid of the subject. So don’t let your fear of their reaction keep you from talking.

If you avoid talking about him for fear of being judged or not wanting read more

That day, I just wanted it all to end

I felt totally out of it the day Charles called on June 4, the day before he killed himself.

The heroin addiction was still new and I was confused with the despair in his voice. I didn’t know how to identify what it was. I felt overwhelmed because not only could I not fix this, I had no read more

You can’t heal if you don’t feel

We are a society averse to feeling pain or sadness. A culture focused on numbing ourselves through it and circling the wagons. A break up? We head to the bar.

The problem with self medication is that it stalls what would otherwise be a growth and healing experience. And reaching for a substance read more

Start the day with what you are grateful for

Studies have shown that people who write down and think of things they are grateful for have a more positive outlook on life. I knew someone in my Families Anonymous group that did this every day and she swore by it.

Some say do five things per day, some say three and I say at least do one per read more

Remember when I was on the other side?

“Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.”
—Charles Aubrey Rogers, from the rap song, Hell on Earth

I can hardly remember the days before I lost Charles. And when I do, it feels like a lifetime ago. Centuries even. How did my life get divided in half like that?  read more