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Category: Grief

Happy Valentine’s Day grieving hearts. My favorite #griefhearts

Valentine’s heart— #griefheart number 217

Valentine’s heart— #griefheart number 217

Several years ago, the pain in my heart from losing my son Charles to suicide was so intense, I needed a way to manage the pain and lessen the suffering. This is a creative exploration of my grieving heart through pictures.

While it didn’t make the pain go away, it helped to have something to scan for daily. From this idea, the #griefheart project was born. That task alone really did give me purpose and meaning.

Here’s what I didn’t expect

Unexpected was the outpouring and sharing of hearts across … Read more...

From suicide loss survivor to post traumatic thriver

They call it post-traumatic growth. I say that with a cringe. Because I didn’t accept this descriptor without denying it and pushing it away because I worried it sounded braggy.

Over the last two years, many have pointed out that I was more than a survivor at this point in my journey.

Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory that explains transformation following trauma

This theory, developed in the mid-1990s by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, PhD, and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, posits that people who endure psychological struggle following adversity can often see positive growth afterward.

This evolution from survivor to thriver does … Read more...

Cleaning out the house or room after death

Circa 1942- My Aunt Peggy is on the far left, Grandaddy in the middle, and my dad, age 12, on the far right in the aviator’s hat with goggles and knickers.

Each time I have done this, after Charles’s death by suicide, after my dad died, and then after my mother’s death, it’s been a different experience.

It’s both an emotional and intimate experience going through someone’s things after death

I admit to also feeling somewhat voyeuristic as well as insatiably curious. I could still catch the scent of my mom on her clothing which I also experienced when … Read more...

Grandparent grief over the loss of a grandchild

Grandparents from both sides arrived at our home the day after Charles died by suicide. I was underwater emotionally and I needed to offload some of that grief onto my loved ones who were ready to hold me up at a time when I didn’t know how to exist, move forward, or even think. It was such a relief to fall into their arms. I’m fortunate to have had both sets of grandparents at that point.

My dad’s mind was going and dementia had set in which in the long run would provide some cushion for his grief because he’d … Read more...

Leo, the French kid

Leo

When I first messaged Leo, he revealed only an “L.” He first landed on this blog from a google search on how to kill himself. He was filled with despair and claimed he needed to get on the bus.

I had not ever heard anyone put it that way. I wonder now if it’s a French saying. In short, Leo was suicidal. For the record, my blog has never offered instructions on how to die but I do offer a listening ear and resources for those who want them.

It was a couple of weeks before I would figure … Read more...

What am I grateful for? Day #9

Love flew in from Los Angeles and we picked up my oldest son, Richard, from Dulles airport in Washington DC. That’s a 4.5-5 hour round trip and totally worth it. This is a late-night photo.

This is the kid who just weeks after college graduations said, “You are great parents…” 5 minutes into our breaking the news about his brother’s death by suicide.” He said more than that and you can read all about that here in this post.

No one else could have said anything that would have mattered more than that statement did on the absolute worst … Read more...

How can I love someone who is dead?

love someone who has died

Maybe there are times you have talked about your loved one who died and gotten the question, “Don’t you think you should have moved on from all that by now?”

The truth is, a child or a person’s death does not erase them from our family tree or our friend group.

And just because they are not with us on earth, doesn’t mean we stop loving them, thinking about them, or missing them. I buried my child not his memory or my love for him. So why do people who’ve never been through a devastating loss want to pass judgment … Read more...

Podcast: A Mother’s Grief Journey After Losing Her Son to Suicide with Anne Moss Rogers

podcast guest on suicide

Show notes

We talked a lot about specific strategies for the “what ifs” and “coulda woulda shouldas” that come from having lost a child.

  • Listen in as we talk about:
    • [3:00] Who Anne Moss’s son Charles was
    • [4:20] Charles’ struggle with drugs and depression
    • [5:45] How Anne Moss navigated her son’s struggles
    • [10:20] Fighting for her son’s health with medical professionals
    • [19:55] Learning how to get information from her son in a kind and empathetic way
    • [22:15] Finding out her son had died
    • [26:20] Choosing to find the gift in Charles’ death, and grieving in her own way
    • [35:40] What
… Read more...

One can never predict the future. Or change the past.

by Liza Sierra

Trigger Warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988

John Michael Carrington, 12/27/1984 – 05/07/2018

At 17, I enjoyed loud music, hanging with friends, and like any other teenager, online chatrooms. One day I got a message from a guy who was 19, single, and from the U.K! I was completely fascinated by him, being that I’m from Texas.

We exchanged pictures, and phone numbers and we both got into so much trouble for running up our parent’s phone bills back then. (Sorry Mom). It … Read more...

10 Steps to Finding Your Purpose

Click the yellow title to get your 2-page ebook.

10 Steps to Finding Your Purpose

Length: Two pages (maybe the spiral notebook look is overkill)

Finding purpose is how you add meaning to your life. It can be a business venture, passion project, or social justice pursuit. It doesn’t have to be grand and international. It can be simply promoting a cause in a meaningful way. These are the steps I took to find my purpose and I hope these steps help you find yours.

> Get 10 Steps eBook Landing page

How can you be yourself when you don’t
… Read more...

Charles would be 27 today, April 26, 2022

My son Charles was an artist — an actor, comedian, rap artist, and an amazing writer. In short, he was a creative genius and he would have been 27 years old today. He suffered from depression and addiction and died by suicide seven years ago. And yes we have birthday parties for our son in heaven.

Charles loved birthday parties. When he was little he’d start planning months in advance for his. It drove us crazy. But now I miss what drove me mad even though I did think it was so precious. He didn’t love parties because of the … Read more...

Podcast. L.E.A.P: Listen, Engage, Allow and Process on Your Healing Journey 

See the website here. Susan E. Casey is a grief expert and therapist who wants to help people find the light in grief. In this episode, you can join the conversation with a mother, Rebecca, whose son died from an accidental overdose, and how she is finding a path forward a year after her son’s recovery and shocking overdose.

Susan and I met a few years ago when I was writing Diary of a Broken Mind and she was writing Mining for Joy in the Deep River of Grief which is about sibling grief. She was my “beta reader” and … Read more...

Are the ‘what ifs’ and ‘coulda woulda shouldas’ stalking you?

Does your brain gets stuck in self-blame mode?

Do the what-ifs and coulda wouldas shouldas stalk you? I have some strategies that won’t magically make the pain vanish but they will lessen your suffering and help you find some peace.

Some examples of ‘what ifs’

Since I lost my son to suicide, my issue was going down that rabbit hole of coulda woulda shouldas which sounded like this–

“Why didn’t I answer the phone that one last time?”

“What if I had gone and picked him up when his voice expressed obvious despair?”

“Why didn’t I call him every … Read more...

Podcast: Anne Moss Rogers on Todd Inspires Beliefcast

Todd Inspires Beliefcast with Todd Sylvester is for those looking to get more out of life, move beyond limiting beliefs and overcome addictions, depression, and anxiety. This one is trending as one of the top 1% of mental health podcasts worldwide.

We invite you to be in this interview to laugh, cry, and grow together.

Listen to Todd Inspires Beliefcast on:

Articles and books mentioned in the podcast

… Read more...

The girlfriend

Charles had a girlfriend named Susanna. (Name changed to protect privacy.) Between the two of them, their weight would add up to one average human. So yeah they were both thin people. While he did love her I don’t think he was an awesome boyfriend. Those with substance use disorder rarely are because their addiction makes them desperate and selfish. Deep down that was not who Charles was.

She had gotten clean by the time Charles had relapsed after his first recovery so it was a lopsided relationship at that point with Susanna acting as his primary transportation and everything … Read more...