Goodbye normal life

by Christine Dudek

I wish I had the words to describe the deadness that occupies the places in me where other things once lived – -things like humor.

It seems like I have a sense of humor at times but everything is shallow. The depth that I used to experience and feel is gone. Pain is what read more

No Place in All the World

benjamin Hubbard
Robert Alan Hubbard

by Robert M. Hubbard in memory of his son, Robert Alan Hubbard, who died by suicide September 8, 1985. This poem from his therapeutic writing, ‘A Grief Observed’

No place in the world

How desperately sad
it must be to feel
that there is no place
in all the world
for you. Loneliness unending.

Urgent anger rooted
read more

How gummi bears saved my brain

I didn’t tell you how my brain tumor was discovered.

Charles was 3 years old and wanted to take a shower. No more baths! Daddy didn’t take baths. Daddy took showers so Charles needed to take showers.

I had to tell Charles that he could not eat his pack of gummy bears in the shower. read more

Alcohol is not the antidote for grief

alcohol is not the antidote to grief

I’m talking about purposely looking for relief from the pain of grief with a substance, the most common of which is alcohol. I’m talking about unhealthy self medication.

I’m not talking about those who have lost a loved one and are suffering suicidal ideation, have reached out read more

My alter ego soothes my fear of fading memories

charles-beach

Me: Some days I feel like his memory will fade and I will not remember all that I want to remember

Alter Ego: You won’t forget the really important things

Me: But I want to remember everything

Alter Ego: Even with the ones who are living, you forget read more

Reflecting on the first 2 years after losing Charles to suicide

the first 2 years after my sons suicide

The first year

Shock. Numbness. Tears. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to live through this. But I made a bet with myself to move forward with my life. If I give up, who carries Charles’ legacy? Who fights for change?

It was frustrating how no one mentioned my child’s name for fear of read more

Do you want your child who died to be forgotten?

bear

That’s our greatest fear. That their memory will fade away. So what do you do?

Bring it up first

You’ve buried a child so don’t bury their memory.

Nothing will keep you stuck in grief like refusing to talk about your child. Let others know you want to talk by bringing up their name, posting on read more