And on the occasion of his fourth death anniversary, I wanted to start with that. He died by suicide June 5, 2015, the worst day of my life. By comparison even a death anniversary will never feel as awful and unbearable as that day. And for that, I am grateful.
There are times I feel like giving up. Not on life but this cause. And then I ask myself, “So what else do you want to do?” There really isn’t anything else I want to do. By next year I need … Read more...
The publisher will have the last say on this but I’m curious what you guys think. This is not the “real” cover. I’m not a designer but I had to see what it might look like on fake cover.
The title is a go. It’s just the subtitle I’m wrestling with. So if you could vote below.
Book Description: The funniest, most popular kid in school, Charles Aubrey Rogers, suffered from depression, ultimately addiction and died by suicide. Diary of a Broken Mind focuses on the relatable story of what lead to Charles’ suicide at age twenty and answers the … Read more...
I wondered about this when he was younger. We would do something fun and when it ended, he’d prance around like a monkey trying to keep us all in the room doing that fun thing.
I remember one night I bought some hokey colored disco ball from Target that rotated like a globe of colored lights when you plugged it in. I cut off all the lights in the room, cut on the music and our whole family danced in the den. Charles loved it. My husband Randy? Not so much but he was a good sport and participated because … Read more...
As I’ve been going over the edits of my book, writing the back page blurb, getting the quotes, working on the subtitle, I’m now getting those doubts that I had when I wrote my newspaper article. What if it just dies when it’s published like an old azalea bloom in the summer heat?
That same feeling of panic is creeping up on me. And that dread, what if no one reads it? What if I put this out there and it’s like I have to bury his memory like I had to bury him?
“…Also when I’m feeling this low in the wilderness away from my family on a sleepless night, I might do something that hurts my whole family even more. I don’t want to do that, but when I’m feeling like that I don’t think about others only ending my suffering. I know it sounds selfish, but I’ve been that miserable out here and it’s only getting worse.”
In going through old letters from wilderness for the book, I came across this letter from Charles. I’m only showing an excerpt here. He did drop clues over the years about his thoughts of … Read more...
I met with my publisher today, Beach Glass Books, and got the thumb drive with the suggested edits. I liked a lot of her ideas so far. Both the publisher and editor feel the book will do well. How well? Who knows. I can’t even predict that.
At this point I have a really big list and two weeks to get it done. Yikes.
Deep breath. I can do this.
I need to go through it and make some decisions and then I have to get someone to do a final proofing. So it’s a proofing after the editing. Meanwhile, … Read more...
Today my boy would be 24 years old. What would he look like? How would he have changed or not changed?
He’ll never get wrinkles, have arthritis, worry about getting a cancer diagnosis. He’ll never graduate from college, get married or have my grandchildren.
Instead, he is forever frozen at the age of 20 in pictures and memories. Forever young. Forever tragic due to his addiction to heroin and death by suicide. Charles was supposed to be famous by now. He was supposed to be making me laugh.
I crack morbid jokes sometimes which make me laugh … Read more...
People tell me that. But would he? There are a lot of things I do that I think he’d laugh at. In a good way.
Charles would sometimes make fun of me in a way that was not cruel or mean. It was his way of showing me another side of myself in a funny and entertaining way. And even now when I do some things, I think he is laughing at me like he used to. And then I chuckle and think, “You’re right Charles. I need to get over myself.”
This was the book survey you guys have been filling out. Almost 100 responses in five days so I appreciate the responses and ideas. Looks like we will start with paperback. Not to say we’ll never have hardcover but 59% want paper back. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want hardback at some point but apparently you have to go with one or the other for each run. The latest stats on what is selling.
Question was: My publisher suggests I find someone well-known to write my forward. Do you have any suggestions?