The fireworks behind my eyes

Lately, when I dream about Charles, I see flashes of light like fireworks behind my eyelids when I close my eyes.

It’s not alarming but pleasant to the point, I feel “wow.” I also feel warm inside. I’d describe it as mesmerizing and spectacular.

While I’ve read about read more

What do you do death anniversary week? Have a party

Not long ago, I had lunch with Jacob, one of Charles’ close friends and someone with whom he grew up with. He asked if we were going to have a get together like we had a couple of years ago. I asked if he thought people would be able to come. And they were.

So today, I concentrated on getting read more

Sorting through grandparent’s memories

My mother-in-law and father-in-law had four boys and they had seven grandchildren. They now have six since Charles’ death by suicide. Each of the Rogers’ boys got a box of pictures, mostly of the grandchildren and this was our box. So much nostalgia.

Charles spent a lot of time in read more

Sad dog

Randy took Andy for a walk the other day down our alley. As he’s walking the dog, he hears a group of kids playing basketball and yelling out court instructions in their back yard.

Just like it once was in our driveway.

To Randy, it immediately inspired memories of how Charles read more

Book draft first print. Off my computer

This is a first draft of my book. Printed on my computer. My goal, for which you are going to hold me accountable, is to finish this book and be ready to look for publishers in the fall.

It’s so different having it all printed out. The story takes on a whole new meaning. I think I’ll read more

You were so cuddly

As a baby, you’d curl up on my chest. Or your father’s. There was nowhere you wanted to be more. You hated that infant carrier. You loved the front carrier and the backpack. You wanted to be touching us.

You were a very long and skinny baby but still so warm.

You crawled up on my lap read more

Heart of a blue bird—#griefheart number 284

I got this card from a dear neighbor, Roxann, on Charles’ birthday week. We used to live across the street from her family and watched her kids grow up before they moved away around middle school. They were the best neighbors. She and her husband have two lovely daughters.

So in the card, read more