Why should I stay alive when I want to kill myself?

by Anna Wieder

Dear Me who wants to die,

I know are you in so much pain right now. It feels unbearable and I am SO sorry. 

I know it feels like the pain will never end. 

It feels like it is crushing your spirit.

I know the terror you feel in your heart. The fear and panic feel like they are running through your arms and body, even piercing you like needles. 

I know everything in your brain might be fuzzy as your body sensations overwhelm you.

Stay here, in your body. BREATHE.

It is OK if it doesn’t … Read more...

Thank you to my parents for loving me through my addiction

by Tiffani Borello

Thank you to my parents for loving me through my addiction
Tiffani’s dad on the left. Pic on the right shows her grandmother, brother, sister, Tiffani and her mom. One of her siblings at bottom of article.

Dear Mom and Dad, This letter to you is long overdue, and it took me a while to build the courage to write this to you two. First off, I want to thank you. Thank you for always being there and picking me up when I fell down.

You’ve invested so much time, sweat, pain, tears, and money trying to fix my mental health and addiction. You tried so hard until … Read more...

Jared’s last words

by Jared Murphy

Note from his mother: “This is a letter my son Jared wrote to his friends before he died. He died from accidental overdose. Jared had given me the note a while back. He asked that I post it to his Facebook page. Through tears, I am sharing and awe fills my heart to have had the honor to be his mother.” Maureen Mahaney

To be posted to my Facebook – just in case (Please)

If you are reading this then the war is finally over. These words are mine and have been written as a half-baked last … Read more...

Letter from a drug dealer

Dear People,

You all think of me as the worst possible human being– a drug dealer. Most of you invest all your hate and resentment for your loved one’s addiction on me.

Every arrest is celebrated like some progress has been made in the war on drugs. What a joke. All of us “dealers” are products of demand. Once one of us is arrested, or killed, hundreds more are there to take our place.

How did I end up a dirty drug dealer? I have a mom and a dad, a sister and a brother who love me. And they … Read more...

Letter from depression

Dear Sufferer,

I roll in like a slow moving fog, smother your motivation and sit on your self esteem like it’s an old comfortable sofa. There may be no particular outside trigger and it might otherwise be a beautiful sunny day.

But inside your head it’s gray, damp and miserable.

Heaviness moves in and day after day, managing and enduring life is more of a challenge. When will it stop? When will it go away?

Oh but I’m not done.

Like a lightning bolt out of the sky, I can strike and bring on a moment of such intense pain, … Read more...

Dear parents who think their child is just looking for attention

Your child had just told you they have thoughts of killing themselves. And your first reaction is to think all this is teen or young adult drama and you say, “You’re just trying to get attention.”

Please take seriously when your son or daughter tells you they want to die and realize the courage it took to reveal the deepest darkest secret in their soul.

If you felt this way, would you find it easy to tell someone? Wouldn’t these thoughts scare you? A young man who is seventeen and suffers thoughts of suicide told me recently, “It’s … Read more...

In memory of Thomas McCue

by Vasiliki Canotas

Dear Anne Moss,

I  read your Woulda Shoulda Coulda article a couple of years ago because I remember Charles. My son Thomas McCue attended Family School and told us about Charles’ death.

I was so sad for him and for you.

But I am even sadder today for his and your loss because of ours: we lost Thomas to a heroin overdose on December 9, 2017.

Only now do I understand your grief.

Tom was 23 and living in a sober house in St Paul, MN. He had made a lot of progress with both his … Read more...

Charles always knew how to make me laugh when I was low

By Danielle Warren with her permission to repost this message. Moms who’ve lost a child don’t get to have new memories of that child. The existing ones are all we have but we don’t know all of them and always open to hearing a story about our child who died. This is the first time I’ve known that Charles struggled with depression as early as middle school. 

Hi Mrs. Rogers! Oh it has been such a long time. I couldn’t believe it when my mom told me you were in her networking meeting the other week. I apologize I am … Read more...

Dear frozen parents

There are times that the mental illness or addiction of a loved one leaves you completely and utterly unable to act. Immobile. Stunned. Catatonic.

You are overwhelmed and don’t know where to start so you shut down completely. You just want all of it to go away. There are too many layers to tackle. Too many problems you can’t solve. Many times your loved one is not compliant either, making it that much more difficult.

You are so worried about hiding your ugly family secret, you start to implode and unknowingly make the situation worse. You are so secretive, you … Read more...

Dear holidays, I hate you

Holidays are supposed to be festive and fun. But I’m not getting that vibe at all. You just bring me heaviness and grief. While people hustle and bustle about, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I just feel flat and lifeless. And sad.

Couldn’t you skip a year? This is my second holiday season and I still can’t seem to find my footing. I have a hard time finding motivation to do anything about Christmas at all. I just want it to go away.

I had hoped to be at the point of tolerating the Christmas holidays by … Read more...