My name is Katherine and my friends and I used to watch your son, Charles on YouTube religiously when we were 13. Like every day, we were watching Timeboy1408 and would laugh until we couldn’t breathe.
A lot of our inside jokes were and still are things your son said in those videos. I’m now 25 years old and something made me think about those laughs we had so I went to see how he was doing. My heart broke when I saw that he had killed himself.
Recently, I’ve been … Read more...
Beloved Son and Brother
by Andy Tilton
“You are out of our reach, but not out of our hearts and minds.”
Mental Wellness begins with these words spoken out of necessity for a healthy recovery and mental healing:
Dear and Precious Adam,
As your father, I wish to express my brokenness and bitterness over your departure from our reach.
After searching my mind and heart, I am now ready to forgive you for leaving your sister, mother, and me so soon and without a word or explanation.
I have come to accept the fact that your pain was so severe … Read more...
by Jeannette, daughter of a narcissist and a psychologically abusive mother
You may see the title of this and think that it’s an attack…it’s not. It’s an opportunity for us to grow together and teach future generations to break the cycle-the cycle of narcissism. Restore empathy and unconditional love.
I am the child that so desperately wanted and needed your love. I needed you to show me my self-worth, and teach me how to maintain boundaries in order to survive this sometimes cruel and bitter world. You didn’t…
I am able to extend the empathy and unconditional love that … Read more...
by Graham
Dear Anne-
I’ve been meaning to mail you for a little while now. Last year, you really helped me when I hit a deep low with a very traumatic situation I was dealing with in my life. I was thinking about suicide because the mental and emotional pain I was in was so intense, and felt permanent like it was never going to ease or end.
I’ve learned a lot since then. Researched a lot about how I came to feel that way in the first place, and things I needed to do to recover. And slowly, very … Read more...
Dear Charles,
I’m grateful you were part of my life. If I had known from the beginning about your suicide at age 20, would I have chosen to have you as my child?
I’d like to think so. Knowing me, I would have thought I could have changed the course of destiny. Nevertheless, your life, as short as it was, transformed mine. And your death transformed it again. Everything is now categorized as before or after your death.
You helped me see outside of myself. You made me laugh and see the world from a whole different perspective. No one … Read more...
This note is published with permission from the parent who sent it. Her daughter also gave consent. Trigger warning: suicide attempt method mentioned.
My 27-year-old daughter had decided that the pain was too great, that she was a burden on everyone, and that since she was going to die anyway, might as well do it that night.
She went to google to find a site to learn how to hang herself. When she clicked on the link, she came to your site and a video with your son’s spoken word. It had such a big impact on her that she … Read more...
I love talking to students. My favorite part is what they learn about themselves–the moment when I read what everyone is going through and when the students recognize their classmates are dealing with some serious issues.
The post-it note interaction is such a simple exercise. But the discoveries we make together are not. I’m always shocked by what I read on those notes.
What’s more, so are the students.
Social anxiety, rape, murdered siblings or parents, anorexia and more. Some of these kids have lost several loved ones in the space of a year and they carry that with them … Read more...
To those with substance use disorder-
You see the faces of your loved ones when you use or relapse and you translate that look on their face as shame. Because you feel shame.
But it’s not that. It’s fear. We are gripped with mortal fear that you will die from substance use disorder.
We want to understand it as a disease. But it’s hard because it is so different from our usual definition of disease. We are not tempted to throw cancer patients out the door because we’ve had enough.
When you steal from us, we struggle not to be … Read more...
letter by Christopher Doyle
“About four months ago, I was in such a dark place that I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it out alive. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Thirteen years of heroin addiction and failed attempts at getting clean had brought me to a place of such hopelessness and despair that giving up seemed like a viable option.
Scott Zebrowski didn’t die in vain. If his family can … Read more...
For years you stalked my son’s brain, took it hostage, lied to him and made him feel worthless and undeserving of life. At first he was frightened and confused but unwilling to tell us how much he hurt.
Because when you deposit pain you inject shame.
Charles didn’t understand because he didn’t know who you were, how unrelenting and convincing you could be, or how you’d come back over and over to torture him. Over time, you wore him down until he was desperate for solutions. He thought he found it when he first started using — marijuana and alcohol … Read more...
by Anna Wieder
Dear Me who wants to die,
I know are you in so much pain right now. It feels unbearable and I am SO sorry.
I know it feels like the pain will never end.
It feels like it is crushing your spirit.
I know the terror you feel in your heart. The fear and panic feel like they are running through your arms and body, even piercing you like needles.
I know everything in your brain might be fuzzy as your body sensations overwhelm you.
It is OK if it doesn’t … Read more...
by Tiffani Borello
In the picture above: Tiffani’s dad on the left. The pic on the right shows her grandmother, brother, sister, Tiffani and her mom. One of her siblings at bottom of article.
Dear Mom and Dad, This letter to you is long overdue, and it took me a while to build the courage to write this to you two. First off, I want to thank you. Thank you for always being there and picking me up when I fell down.
You’ve invested so much time, sweat, pain, tears, and money trying to fix my mental health and addiction. … Read more...
by Jared Murphy
Note from his mother: “This is a letter my son Jared wrote to his friends before he died. He died from accidental overdose. Jared had given me the note a while back. He asked that I post it to his Facebook page. Through tears, I am sharing and awe fills my heart to have had the honor to be his mother.” Maureen Mahaney
To be posted to my Facebook – just in case (Please)
If you are reading this then the war is finally over. These words are mine and have been written as a half-baked last … Read more...
Dear People,
You all think of me as the worst possible human being– a drug dealer. Most of you invest all your hate and resentment for your loved one’s addiction on me.
Every arrest is celebrated like some progress has been made in the war on drugs. What a joke. All of us “dealers” are products of demand. Once one of us is arrested, or killed, hundreds more are there to take our place.
How did I end up a dirty drug dealer? I have a mom and a dad, a sister and a brother who love me. And they … Read more...
Dear Sufferer,
I roll in like a slow moving fog, smother your motivation and sit on your self esteem like it’s an old comfortable sofa. There may be no particular outside trigger and it might otherwise be a beautiful sunny day.
But inside your head it’s gray, damp and miserable.
Heaviness moves in and day after day, managing and enduring life is more of a challenge. When will it stop? When will it go away?
Oh but I’m not done.
Like a lightning bolt out of the sky, I can strike and bring on a moment of such intense pain, … Read more...
