You all think of me as the worst possible human being– a drug dealer. Most of you invest all your hate and resentment for your loved one’s addiction on me.
Every arrest is celebrated like some progress has been made in the war on drugs. What a joke. All of us “dealers” are products of demand. Once one of us is arrested, or killed, hundreds more are there to take our place.
How did I end up a dirty drug dealer? I have a mom and a dad, a sister and a brother who love me. And they … Read more...
I roll in like a slow moving fog, smother your motivation and sit on your self esteem like it’s an old comfortable sofa. There may be no particular outside trigger and it might otherwise be a beautiful sunny day.
But inside your head it’s gray, damp and miserable.
Heaviness moves in and day after day, managing and enduring life is more of a challenge. When will it stop? When will it go away?
Oh but I’m not done.
Like a lightning bolt out of the sky, I can strike and bring on a moment of such intense pain, … Read more...
Your child had just told you they have thoughts of killing themselves. And your first reaction is to think all this is teen or young adult drama and you say, “You’re just trying to get attention.”
Please take seriously when your son or daughter tells you they want to die and realize the courage it took to reveal the deepest darkest secret in their soul.
If you felt this way, would you find it easy to tell someone? Wouldn’t these thoughts scare you? A young man who is seventeen and suffers thoughts of suicide told me recently, “It’s … Read more...
by Vasiliki Canotas
Dear Anne Moss,
I read your Woulda Shoulda Coulda article a couple of years ago because I remember Charles. My son Thomas McCue attended Family School and told us about Charles’ death.
I was so sad for him and for you.
But I am even sadder today for his and your loss because of ours: we lost Thomas to a heroin overdose on December 9, 2017.
Only now do I understand your grief.
Tom was 23 and living in a sober house in St Paul, MN. He had made a lot of progress with both his mental … Read more...
By Danielle Warren with her permission to repost this message. Moms who’ve lost a child don’t get to have new memories of that child. The existing ones are all we have but we don’t know all of them and always open to hearing a story about our child who died. This is the first time I’ve known that Charles struggled with depression as early as middle school.
Hi Mrs. Rogers! Oh it has been such a long time. I couldn’t believe it when my mom told me you were in her networking meeting the other week. I apologize I am … Read more...
There are times that the mental illness or addiction of a loved one leaves you completely and utterly unable to act. Immobile. Stunned. Catatonic.
You are overwhelmed and don’t know where to start so you shut down completely. You just want all of it to go away. There are too many layers to tackle. Too many problems you can’t solve. Many times your loved one is not compliant either, making it that much more difficult.
You are so worried about hiding your ugly family secret, you start to implode and unknowingly make the situation worse. You are so secretive, you … Read more...
Holidays are supposed to be festive and fun. But I’m not getting that vibe at all. You just bring me heaviness and grief. While people hustle and bustle about, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I just feel flat and lifeless. And sad.
Couldn’t you skip a year? This is my second holiday season and I still can’t seem to find my footing. I have a hard time finding motivation to do anything about Christmas at all. I just want it to go away.
I had hoped to be at the point of tolerating the Christmas holidays by … Read more...
You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?
I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us. I lost a child because of it.
Most of you … Read more...
I want to hate you but I can’t. You give us life, then throw us into the pit of despair with life events so devastating we cannot even function. Disasters that hit us like a stun gun, leave us shellshocked and wondering how we can make it through and live again.
We dig deep and fight through it
We fail, pray, cry, scream and shout. It deflates us in our dark moments and drags us into a pit of the unknown that we have to find our way out of.
You put people in our path to help us–people we … Read more...
Dear Addiction Sufferer,
I want you to know that even though you are struggling, maybe even using, you are loved. That last time you relapsed, you think you saw disappointment on our faces.
But that’s not what that emotion was. It was not disappointment.
It was worry. Morbid fear. And helplessness.
We want to understand relapses are part of the disease and part of recovery. That’s so easy to say and we try. Emotionally we are crushed because we are afraid you are going to die. That fear never leaves us at any point. We watch friends of yours die. … Read more...