You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?
I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us. I lost a child because of it.
Most of you … Read more... “Dear people who are tired of me”
I want to hate you but I can’t. You give us life, then throw us into the pit of despair with life events so devastating we cannot even function. Disasters that hit us like a stun gun, leave us shellshocked and wondering how we can make it through and live again.
We dig deep and fight through it
We fail, pray, cry, scream and shout. It deflates us in our dark moments and drags us into a pit of the unknown that we have to find our way out of.
You put people in our path to help us–people we … Read more... “Dear cold, cruel world,”
Dear Addiction Sufferer,
I want you to know that even though you are struggling, maybe even using, you are loved. That last time you relapsed, you think you saw disappointment on our faces.
But that’s not what that emotion was. It was not disappointment.
It was worry. Morbid fear. And helplessness.
We want to understand relapses are part of the disease and part of recovery. That’s so easy to say and we try. Emotionally we are crushed because we are afraid you are going to die. That fear never leaves us at any point. We watch friends of yours die. … Read more... “Letter to that child still struggling with addiction”
From Anne Moss: Jason is in his early 20s and is from Chicago. He and I were emailing back and forth for a few weeks earlier this year. I emailed him recently to follow up and see how he was doing since I’d not heard from him in a while. The first time he wrote me, he had been suffering suicidal thoughts and found this blog because of his sleep issues. Lack of sleep does contribute to depression and thoughts of suicide.
Although he says here is is struggling, I believe he has made amazing progress. He’s told his family, … Read more... “Suffering from depression. Addicted to pornography”
Dear Anne Moss,
I want to write you from a position of wisdom. First, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for making the choice of staying at home with your boys.
I know you struggled with the decision. You gave up income, your creative outlet, and your ambition. But from where I sit, I’m telling you it will be a decision that years later, you will be glad you made. Spend as much time as you can with them. It will count and you will be so glad you have those memories of their childhood.
You think it’s so hard … Read more... “A letter to my younger self”
Dear Anne Moss,
I didn’t mean to hurt you. I numbed you at first because I had to protect you. One can take only so much pain and agony at once.
I watched you in your agonizing moments knowing that these would be building blocks to emotional healing. You suffered under my weight and tried unsuccessfully to lift it yourself when you got tired of it. But I do have a mind of my own and just when you thought you couldn’t take another minute, the weight would lift.
At first, you thought getting better meant getting past me. But … Read more... “Grief writes me a love letter”
Hi Anne Moss,
I hear you are fighting me. So how’s that going? Sort of like taking salt out of the ocean by the teaspoon, isn’t it?
I admire that you have the audacity to take me on. People are so set in their ways, so invested in their fundamental black and white belief system, I won’t fall easily.
Denial is part of my charm, judgment so crucial to my success and shame is where I thrive. I flourish in an environment where people react only to the latest crisis and then forget it two weeks later. This culture is … Read more... “Stigma writes me a letter”
Blake would send me the these notes about Charles and would often comment on my posts. When you read these you’ll understand what a truly thoughtful and supportive friend he was. He was as genuine as they come. I am so sorry this opiate epidemic has taken another sweet soul.
Steven and Rowan, friends of Charles’ and Blake’s, came through Richmond on their way to the funeral. I have so many messages from Blake. Some I don’t feel I can share because they were so personal about him. What a sweet young man. I’m broken hearted he is gone. He … Read more... “Miss you Blake. Miss your sweet messages.”
I know you will never receive this but I hope you see this from heaven. Your loss has impacted me tremendously.
I’m sitting here crying because I once too, actually numerous times, thought about and tried to take my life. But I never thoroughly thought of all of the aftermath, or the pain it would have brought upon everyone who loves you.
I remember when we were just in middle school. You were one of my best friends including Jacob, Sam, Lexi, Vania, and Samantha.
We went to the movies and I remember you stood up for us when another … Read more... “Dear Charles from Julie”