Charles always knew how to make me laugh when I was low

By Danielle Warren with her permission to repost this message. Moms who’ve lost a child don’t get to have new memories of that child. The existing ones are all we have but we don’t know all of them and always open to hearing a story about our child who died. This is the first time I’ve known that Charles struggled with depression as early as middle school. 

Hi Mrs. Rogers! Oh it has been such a long time. I couldn’t believe it when my mom told me you were in her networking meeting the other week. I apologize I am … Read more...

Dear frozen parents

There are times that the mental illness or addiction of a loved one leaves you completely and utterly unable to act. Immobile. Stunned. Catatonic.

You are overwhelmed and don’t know where to start so you shut down completely. You just want all of it to go away. There are too many layers to tackle. Too many problems you can’t solve. Many times your loved one is not compliant either, making it that much more difficult.

You are so worried about hiding your ugly family secret, you start to implode and unknowingly make the situation worse. You are so secretive, you … Read more...

Dear holidays, I hate you

Holidays are supposed to be festive and fun. But I’m not getting that vibe at all. You just bring me heaviness and grief. While people hustle and bustle about, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I just feel flat and lifeless. And sad.

Couldn’t you skip a year? This is my second holiday season and I still can’t seem to find my footing. I have a hard time finding motivation to do anything about Christmas at all. I just want it to go away.

I had hoped to be at the point of tolerating the Christmas holidays by … Read more...

Dear people who are tired of me

You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?

I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us.  I lost a child because of it.

Most of you … Read more...

Dear cold, cruel world,

tundra

I want to hate you but I can’t. You give us life, then throw us into the pit of despair with life events so devastating we cannot even function. Disasters that hit us like a stun gun, leave us shellshocked and wondering how we can make it through and live again.

We dig deep and fight through it

We fail, pray, cry, scream and shout. It deflates us in our dark moments and drags us into a pit of the unknown that we have to find our way out of.

You put people in our path to help us–people we … Read more...

Letter to that child still struggling with addiction

wishbone

Dear Addiction Sufferer,

I want you to know that even though you are struggling, maybe even using, you are loved. That last time you relapsed, you think you saw disappointment on our faces.

But that’s not what that emotion was. It was not disappointment.

It was worry. Morbid fear. And helplessness.

We want to understand relapses are part of the disease and part of recovery. That’s so easy to say and we try. Emotionally we are crushed because we are afraid you are going to die. That fear never leaves us at any point. We watch friends of yours die. … Read more...

Suffering from depression. Addicted to pornography

infograph

From Anne Moss: Jason is in his early 20s and is from Chicago. He and I were emailing back and forth for a few weeks earlier this year. I emailed him recently to follow up and see how he was doing since I’d not heard from him in a while. The first time he wrote me, he had been suffering suicidal thoughts and found this blog because of his sleep issues. Lack of sleep does contribute to depression and thoughts of suicide.

Although he says here is is struggling, I believe he has made amazing progress. He’s told his family, Read more...

It’s messages like these that keep me going

You all have no idea how deeply appreciative and honored I am that you share your stories and messages with me. All of you inspire me. Becca, you’ve inspired me. Thank you –Anne Moss

Dear Mrs. Rogers-

I had no idea how to start this e-mail as I feel like I’m writing a lifelong friend, although you have no idea who I am! My name is Becca, I’m twenty-two and a psychology student at VCU. I switched my major to psychology when I was nineteen; my best friend and soulmate died by suicide or accidental heroin overdose.

I found your … Read more...

A letter to my younger self

Dear Anne Moss,

I want to write you from a position of wisdom. First, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for making the choice of staying at home with your boys.

I know you struggled with the decision. You gave up income, your creative outlet, and your ambition. But from where I sit, I’m telling you it will be a decision that years later, you will be glad you made. Spend as much time as you can with them. It will count and you will be so glad you have those memories of their childhood.

You think it’s so hard … Read more...

Grief writes me a love letter

Dear Anne Moss,

I didn’t mean to hurt you. I numbed you at first because I had to protect you. One can take only so much pain and agony at once.

I watched you in your agonizing moments knowing that these would be building blocks to emotional healing. You suffered under my weight and tried unsuccessfully to lift it yourself when you got tired of it. But I do have a mind of my own and just when you thought you couldn’t take another minute, the weight would lift.

At first, you thought getting better meant getting past me. But … Read more...