I roll in like a slow-moving fog, smother your motivation and sit on your self-esteem like it’s an old comfortable sofa. There may be no particular outside trigger and it might otherwise be a beautiful sunny day.
But inside your head, it’s gray, damp, and miserable.
Heaviness moves in day after day, and managing and enduring life is more of a challenge. When will it stop? When will it go away?
Oh, but I’m not done.
Like a lightning bolt out of the sky, I can strike and bring on a moment of such intense pain, you feel … Read more...
Your child had just told you they have thoughts of killing themselves. And your first reaction is to think all this is teen or young adult drama and you say, “You’re just trying to get attention.”
Please take it seriously when your son or daughter tells you they want to die and realize the courage it took to reveal the deepest darkest secret in their soul.
If you felt this way, would you find it easy to tell someone? Wouldn’t these thoughts scare you? A young man who is seventeen and suffers from thoughts of suicide told me … Read more...
By Danielle Warren with her permission to repost this message. Moms who’ve lost a child don’t get to have new memories of that child. The existing ones are all we have but we don’t know all of them and always open to hearing a story about our child who died. This is the first time I’ve known that Charles struggled with depression as early as middle school.
Hi Mrs. Rogers! Oh it has been such a long time. I couldn’t believe it when my mom told me you were in her networking meeting the other week. I apologize I am … Read more...
There are times that the mental illness or addiction of a loved one leaves you completely and utterly unable to act. Immobile. Stunned. Catatonic.
You are overwhelmed and don’t know where to start so you shut down completely. You just want all of it to go away. There are too many layers to tackle. Too many problems you can’t solve. Many times your loved one is not compliant either, making it that much more difficult.
You are so worried about hiding your ugly family secret, you start to implode and unknowingly make the situation worse. You are so secretive, you … Read more...
Holidays are supposed to be festive and fun. But I’m not getting that vibe at all. You just bring me heaviness and grief. While people hustle and bustle about, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I just feel flat and lifeless. And sad.
Couldn’t you skip a year? This is my second holiday season and I still can’t seem to find my footing. I have a hard time finding motivation to do anything about Christmas at all. I just want it to go away.
I had hoped to be at the point of tolerating the Christmas holidays by … Read more...
You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?
I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us. I lost a child because of it.
Most of you … Read more...
I want to hate you but I can’t. You give us life, then throw us into the pit of despair with life events so devastating we cannot even function. Disasters that hit us like a stun gun, leave us shellshocked and wondering how we can make it through and live again.
We dig deep and fight through it
We fail, pray, cry, scream and shout. It deflates us in our dark moments and drags us into a pit of the unknown that we have to find our way out of.
You put people in our path to help us–people we … Read more...
Dear Addiction Sufferer,
I want you to know that even though you are struggling, maybe even using, you are loved. That last time you relapsed, you think you saw disappointment on our faces.
But that’s not what that emotion was. It was not disappointment.
It was worry. Morbid fear. And helplessness.
We want to understand relapses are part of the disease and part of recovery. That’s so easy to say and we try. Emotionally we are crushed because we are afraid you are going to die. That fear never leaves us at any point. We watch friends of yours die. … Read more...
From Anne Moss: Jason is in his early 20s and is from Chicago. He and I were emailing back and forth for a few weeks earlier this year. I emailed him recently to follow up and see how he was doing since I’d not heard from him in a while. The first time he wrote me, he had been suffering suicidal thoughts and found this blog because of his sleep issues. Lack of sleep does contribute to depression and thoughts of suicide.
Although he says here is is struggling, I believe he has made amazing progress. He’s told his family, … Read more...
Dear Anne Moss,
I want to write you from a position of wisdom. First, I don’t want you to beat yourself up for making the choice of staying at home with your boys.
I know you struggled with the decision. You gave up income, your creative outlet, and your ambition. But from where I sit, I’m telling you it will be a decision that years later, you will be glad you made. Spend as much time as you can with them. It will count and you will be so glad you have those memories of their childhood.
You think it’s so hard … Read more...
Dear Anne Moss,
I didn’t mean to hurt you. I numbed you at first because I had to protect you. One can take only so much pain and agony at once.
I watched you in your agonizing moments knowing that these would be building blocks to emotional healing. You suffered under my weight and tried unsuccessfully to lift it yourself when you got tired of it. But I do have a mind of my own and just when you thought you couldn’t take another minute, the weight would lift.
At first, you thought getting better meant getting past me. But then you learned that … Read more...
Photo credit. youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Hi Anne Moss,
I hear you are fighting me. So how’s that going? Sort of like taking salt out of the ocean by the teaspoon, isn’t it?
I admire that you have the audacity to take me on. People are so set in their ways, so invested in their fundamental black and white belief system, I won’t fall easily.
Denial is part of my charm, judgment so crucial to my success and shame is where I thrive. I flourish in an environment where people react only to the latest crisis and then forget it two weeks later. This culture is perfect … Read more...
Blake would send me the these notes about Charles and would often comment on my posts. When you read these you’ll understand what a truly thoughtful and supportive friend he was. He was as genuine as they come. I am so sorry this opiate epidemic has taken another sweet soul.
Steven and Rowan, friends of Charles’ and Blake’s, came through Richmond on their way to the funeral. I have so many messages from Blake. Some I don’t feel I can share because they were so personal about him. What a sweet young man. I’m broken hearted he is gone. He … Read more...
I know you will never receive this but I hope you see this from heaven. Your loss has impacted me tremendously.
I’m sitting here crying because I once too, actually numerous times, thought about and tried to take my life. But I never thoroughly thought of all of the aftermath, or the pain it would have brought upon everyone who loves you.
I remember when we were just in middle school. You were one of my best friends including Jacob, Sam, Lexi, Vania, and Samantha.
We went to the movies and I remember you stood up for us when another … Read more...