Dear mother. You cannot reduce me.

by Jeannette, daughter of a narcissist and a psychologically abusive mother

You may see the title of this and think that it’s an attack…it’s not. It’s an opportunity for us to grow together and teach future generations to break the cycle-the cycle of narcissism. Restore empathy and unconditional love.

I am the child that so desperately wanted and needed your love. I needed you to show me my self-worth, and teach me how to maintain boundaries in order to survive this sometimes cruel and bitter world. You didn’t…

I am able to extend the empathy and unconditional love that you couldn’t show because it wasn’t in your skillset. You never learned or experienced those yourself…because you were incapable.

Through my own brokenness, I see your insecurities, motivations, and intentions…because I sometimes see them in myself.

You too, are the broken child that I was and sometimes still am. The love you extend remains conditional because it’s the only kind that you know yet you incessantly demand acceptance, validation, and unconditional love from other people.

My inner child has carved a life around searching for your love and acceptance while simultaneously trying to satiate my own goals and dreams; oftentimes this gives rise to intolerable internal warfare.

Although that inner child will be ever-present, she has experienced unconditional love and a life without narcissism that has led to strength and resilience. She no longer incessantly seeks your love and acceptance. Ironically, her adaption of boundaries has fostered a life without boundaries, full of love and happiness, and the cycle of your narcissism has been broken.

2 thoughts on “Dear mother. You cannot reduce me.”

  1. Jeannette,
    I have just read this, well, the first time about two hours ago, then I had to read it again, THEN AGAIN! I have literally been in tears, it’s actually SHOCKING because I feel like I’m reading something I always wanted to write, but never had the courage. I absolutely GUARANTEE though that I would put the winning lottery ticket on it, that you and I MUST have had VERY similar lives! Your one amazing girl , trust me, it would be great to chat to you x

    1. Carol,

      Thank you for your kind words.

      You surviving, was courageous and amazing and in itself.

      I’d love to chat sometime.

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