It’s taken a long time for me to post this. My oldest son, Richard, filmed me on the anniversary of Charles’ suicide on June 5, 2020. It’s under two minutes.
Category: About Charles
Charles Aubrey Rogers
Was that scent a sign?
There are a lot of people who would think I was crazy to look for signs from my son who killed himself. I don’t care. While we all have beliefs about what it’s like after we die, no one really knows even though they think they do. So I’m going to go all kumbaya on you all.
Last week, I woke up from a Charles dream, the details of which faded like an old photo as soon as I was fully conscious. I had not had a dream about him in a long time and I crave them because that’s … Read more...
Gratitude letter
Dear Charles,
I’m grateful you were part of my life. If I had known from the beginning about your suicide at age 20, would I have chosen to have you as my child?
I’d like to think so. Knowing me, I would have thought I could have changed the course of destiny. Nevertheless, your life, as short as it was, transformed mine. And your death transformed it again. Everything is now categorized as before or after your death.
You helped me see outside of myself. You made me laugh and see the world from a whole different perspective. No one … Read more...
Reading on Richmond Magazine Instagram
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08/14/2020 12:00 PM
08/14/2020 12:15 PM
America/New_York
Richmond Magazine Reading on Instragram: Diary of a Broken Mind
Ten minute reading
https://www.instagram.com/richmondmag/
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I hope you’ll join me on Instagram at 12 pm EDT. It’s about a 10-minute reading from my book, Diary of a Broken Mind which recently was a finalist in the International Book Awards. And I was thinking I’d read five minutes from two different sections. And if you have an opinion on what parts I should read, let me know!
Link to Richmond Mag Instagram
Diary of a Broken Mind named an International Book Award Finalist
Beach Glass Books and Emotionally Naked LLC are proud to announce that Diary of a Broken Mind: A Mother’s Story, a Son’s Suicide, and the Haunting Lyrics He Left Behind, by Anne Moss Rogers, with her late son, Charles, has been named a 2020 International Book Awards (ABA) Finalist. The book had already recieved a 2020 Library of Virginia Literary Award nomination, with those results being announced at the end of 2020.
Jeffrey Keen, President and CEO of American Book Fest, said this year’s contest had over 2,000 entries from authors and publishers … Read more...
I want my child’s life to have counted for something
That’s why I talk about Charles. That’s why I wrote a book, started this blog, speak to groups, and give back. Because I want my youngest child’s life to have meant something.
That feeling that he didn’t really get to accomplish what he wanted and that I didn’t get to see him reach his goals leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
He wanted to be famous for his music. He definitely had the talent and gifts. I can’t be sure he could have survived the climb but I would have liked to have seen him soak up some notoriety.
And yeah I … Read more...
I had finally surrendered
When Charles called me that last time and maybe when I found out he was addicted to heroin 4 weeks prior to his suicide, something in me changed. I have wallowed and bathed myself in guilt for having felt defeated and not being on the top of my game during that time. There were multiple layers of issues, all of which we tried to resolve. It was all so much.
For the three years prior to his death, it was all about desperate attempts to save his life. What parent wouldn’t want to do that? Historically, he never gave any … Read more...
How to find hope
How do I know you will find hope? Because you came here, started reading this and wanted to find it.
Hope is a little pilot light that dims when you are down, brightens, and flickers when you are up. There are always going to be extremes but most of life is spent somewhere in the middle.
While hope is anticipation for the future, it influences how you feel in the present.
So when you are in despair, take a step outside your comfort zone, or practice an act of kindness. No matter what, don’t let the flame of hope die.… Read more...
I’ll give you this cupcake if ….
If you leave me a review, I give you this cupcake. That’s if you read my book, of course. The rest of you can just buy one if you have not already. You see, we new authors need those reviews. They are so important. So yeah, I’m offering a cupcake. A picture of a cupcake, actually.
Imagine what this would look like if I tried to mail it to you especially since it’s so warm here. But a picture of this cupcake! What a prize. That’s better than a trip to the Caribbean. It’s not like you can’t google one … Read more...
Who do I have to thank
This is my acknowledgment page from my book. It’s who helped me get it published.
This is my first book and was both a labor of love and therapy for my grieving soul. Writing it was agony at times but growth and self-discovery was more than worth the tears invested. I began writing it in my head the day after my son killed himself because the story stalked me and wouldn’t let go. Prior to typing the first word, my tribe at Emotionally Naked (EmotionallyNaked.com) encouraged me to write a book; it was one thousand blog posts and two and … Read more...
5 years after my son, Charles, died by suicide
My new life, my new normal, started the moment I heard the phrase, “Your son Charles has been found dead this morning….” My life was split in two–before he died and after he died. Every picture I see or memory I have goes into one of those categories.
Five years after Charles’s suicide, I am still stunned he killed himself. However, those with lived experience have helped me understand by sharing their stories and allowing me to listen when they are in their darkest places. Charles’s music filled in a lot of blanks. My own writing helped me … Read more...
Protests over George Floyd’s death
Had Charles been alive he would have been at the protests in downtown Richmond over the murder of George Floyd, an African American man killed by four policemen when they wrestled the handcuffed man to the ground and put a knee on his neck. Charles would have been so outraged and my youngest always expressed his fury with action. He was not violent. But he was passionate–all brimstone and emotion.
The picture above is one in which he ran into a friend who was protesting and got involved. This was a response to a grand … Read more...
Audiobook fans, I need your opinion
The audiobook of Diary of a Broken Mind has not happened yet. It is supposed to have but our first round of auditions ended in a nondecision in early February. I need to move forward with this, however.
In talking to two people in the last week, both have said they want to hear me read it. I had not taken this on due to my vocal cord issues. Instead, we were auditioning other voices. I only have one vocal cord and my voice is unlikely to be very consistent from one day to the next. Maybe scratchy some days. … Read more...
2020 Library of Virginia Award Nominee
In 1997, the Library of Virginia established its annual Literary Awards program to honor Virginia writers and celebrate their contributions to the literary landscape of our state and nation.
The categories are fiction, nonfiction, and poetry. And my book made the nominee list for nonfiction. As a first time author, I am so excited. Given the number of Virginia nonfiction that focuses on history or politics, I wasn’t sure if I’d even make the first cut. But I did.
Virginia Literary Awards web page.
Happy 25th birthday to my son in heaven
If Charles was still with us, he’d have grand birthday plans. The pandemic we are in right now would have forced him to change the celebration. But he would have found a creative way around it. I wonder what that would have been.
Charles loved parties. Loved people.
He would talk about his birthday plans in January like the party would be happening the next week. It drove me nuts because he was hyperfocused on it and it was so important to him.
Because he exhausted me daily with party details months in advance, one time I laughed and said … Read more...