Category: Suicide

Does losing a child by suicide hurt more?

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It would be unfair to other moms and dads who have lost a child to say that my “hurt” was worse than theirs.

It hurts to lose a child. Period. No matter how they died. And other experiences never seem “easier” to me when I hear the story.

I also can’t compare because I’ve only had a child die one way and that’s by suicide. And besides that, grief journeys are very personal experiences.

Loss from suicide is like no other loss

That I can say. And it’s not that it hurts more but the intention part makes it very complex. … Read more...

Response to ‘The Final 48 Hours’

This is an excerpt from a blog post from a young lady in her early 20s in response to “The Final 48 Hours.”  She is a suicide attempt survivor. This portion is republished with her permission.

….I read an article today that my friend’s mother wrote about when she heard of her son’s death and it was like all of a sudden my heart was being ripped open.

I couldn’t tell you why or how but starting from in between my lungs, everything in me felt like it was being pushed to either side of my ribs … Read more...

My suicide prevention program for middle and high school students

Book: Emotionally Naked: A Teacher’s Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk

My current program 9/1/2021 is a coping strategies workshop for teens. I train teachers and school counselors to implement the program and I do the program with teens both in person and virtually as part of a presentation of my story.

The #umatterchallenge program Feb 21, 2017.

Around August of 2015, two months after Charles’ suicide, I got the idea that I needed to develop a program for middle and high school students.

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Of course, it didn’t come to me then. I was too overwhelmed with grief … Read more...

Forgiving myself

charles aubrey rogers

We have sketchy information on the last two weeks of my son, Charles’s life.

And at one point he insists he’s not doing drugs and wants to come home. But we have had multiple drug tests that say otherwise.

We tell him he has rent paid up at the recovery house and he needs to stay there first. All he has to do is three days in detox and then he can go back there.  That’s the path to home.

If he’s not doing drugs, it will be a piece of cake. And we are not entirely certain of his … Read more...

Weeping Heart – #griefheart 76

Weeping heart
Weeping heart

The car is second only to the shower when it comes to best places to cry. Sometimes it’s a memory that triggers the tears. Sometimes it’s a song on the radio that reminds me of Charles. I am not afraid of them nor am I ashamed of them.

Letting them out brings relief and reminds me how much I loved my boy.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

It’s messages like these that keep me going
… Read more...

The last lunch

This is #2 follow up to this article:

Saturday Charles

We arrive at the sober house to pick Charles up for lunch, anxious to see the bubbly fun “Saturday Charles” again. It was intoxicating the previous day.

The house is neat and quite nice.  The house manager doesn’t know where Charles is.

Charles had texted that he went to the river and got lost. He had zero sense of direction and like me, can’t find his way out of a paper bag. He should have been back by now though.

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Charles and me around December 2014. He died June 5, 2015.

We are texting … Read more...

Saturday Charles

Charles sent this to a friend while in detox
Charles sent this to a friend while in detox

Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988

Charles wasn’t living at home at the time of his suicide.

Not because we had thrown him out or asked to leave the house due to his drug use. He had been stealing from us (almost all my silver was gone) and we sent him to his grandparents so we could figure out our next step. It was their idea and it sounded like a good one.

So we put him … Read more...

Stop the pain in my heart – #griefheart 71

Stop the pain in my heart
Stop the pain in my heart

There are times I feel boxed in a room with no exit– the hurt and ache surrounding me so completely I can’t breathe. I don’t even want to move. How long does this last? When will it stop? Make it stop!

Even now, I have that same feeling of wanting to escape, of feeling smothered and screaming, “Let me out damn it!” The waves are not as long and not as often as they were a year ago. But it still hurts so much sometimes. You never imagined your child would die by suicide.

Punching pillows, screaming, yelling at the air … Read more...

Hold onto hope

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From a young lady, 26, a suicide survivor who attended my recent presentation at Coalition Theater Talk20 in Richmond, Virginia on the #griefheart project.

She came home and posted this on her Facebook page. Made me cry. So very brave.  And I can’t help but cry again as I post it. This is the generation that will inspire change in mental illness, addiction and suicide. I hope it touches you as much as it did me. 

“Just left a very powerful ‪#‎Talk20‬ at the Coalition Theater. I was most inspired by Anne Moss’ bravery to share her very personal story of her … Read more...

You can now choose daily or weekly updates to auto emails

Existing members of the blog subscribe email list can change their email preferences from daily to weekly. Just find the gray bar in your email and choose weekly.

update

If there is a glitch, let me know by commenting here or replying to your email. Here is what those emails look like. 

You can also update by finding this itty bitty link at the bottom near the MailChimp logo.

update-preferences

 

If you get the weekly email, you can update to daily with the MailChimp link above.

Thank you to Denise for suggesting a weekly update. I love your feedback and I … Read more...

Why didn’t I ask, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’

I wish I had asked charles this question. Why didn’t I?

One, because honestly, it didn’t occur to me to ask it.

Given the number of evaluations he had that indicated he was “high risk” I should have. But again, no one defined what that meant exactly and I am guilty of never asking for specific clarification. Fear of the answer?

If I had the opportunity for a replay how would I ask this question?

I am not a mental health professional and this blog post is a personal reflection on what I wish I had done

• If you

… Read more...

Has a loved one’s suicide made you angry?

anger blinds and burns strong suicide

I do understand anger as it relates to suicide.

I didn’t feel very angry but I do know that Richard, my oldest son did.

I wrote this article on The Mighty and in one of the comments, Marie states how angry she is that her husband killed himself and left her to raise two children.

suicide-anger

I would never try and invalidate her feelings and I can understand why she feels the way she does.

Then Diane, one of the followers here, sent me a note about being angry that her mom killed herself when she was 8. She is currently in her 50s and … Read more...

Relentless

never-give-up

Guilty as charged. Part of my charm.

This one is for those of you who turn away because the subject of suicide  is too much.

You don’t want to read my posts.

You do sometimes with one eye shut.

They make you squirm.

They make you uncomfortable.

They make you sad.

They make you cry.

They are too raw.

You don’t want to be reminded that this awful thing happened to someone.  It’s your worse nightmare and you fear the same might happen to you.

Or you think it couldn’t possibly happen to you. It doesn’t touch your life so why bother? … Read more...

Video: Forgive me momma – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Charles would rather Eminem or Cage be performing this rap. But I don’t know their numbers.

Since 8th grade, rap was Charles’ lifeline. He wrote it, performed it and it helped him deal with his depression and his addiction. I’m not talking about the crap rap that is commercially popular, I’m talking about soulful kind that represents the root of the genre.

He never shared his raps with me and other than the ones online. I saw them only after he died. He knew I’d be alarmed. I called his notebooks his Rap Diaries and in those pages, I have the answer to the… Read more...

My dad was an addict because I wasn’t the ideal daughter

Self blame. Confusion. Loss of self esteem. Those are the results of silence. This letter is from a friend of a friend who is about 20 years old. Young people do want to talk about mental illness, addiction and suicide. But they won’t if you don’t. 

original

My best friend growing up was Jaimie Smith.* I’ll consider her my sister always. So I see you on her page often and read your blog here and there because I know how much your son’s death affected her.

I just wanna reach out and thank you for posting what you do because most people don’t talk about … Read more...