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My dad was an addict because I wasn’t the ideal daughter

Self blame. Confusion. Loss of self esteem. Those are the results of silence. This letter is from a friend of a friend who is about 20 years old. Young people do want to talk about mental illness, addiction and suicide. But they won’t if you don’t. 

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My best friend growing up was Jaimie Smith.* I’ll consider her my sister always. So I see you on her page often and read your blog here and there because I know how much your son’s death affected her.

I just wanna reach out and thank you for posting what you do because most people don’t talk about suicide or addiction.

I grew up with a father who was a heroin addict. And the girl who was going to marry my brother who I loved, took her life a year and a half ago.

But no one talks about it. No one ever has.

I never understood why I had my mother’s last name but my dad tried killing himself and would go missing so often. I figured it was always something I did. I figured he never got clean because I wasn’t the ideal daughter he wanted.

My brother felt like he wasn’t good enough, because Tina* took her life without ever speaking about depression.

So I just wanted to thank you, because it makes me feel a little better reading something written by a friend of a friend. It’s more comforting than just reading something a random person wrote.


*names were changed for identity reasons

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

One thought on “My dad was an addict because I wasn’t the ideal daughter”

  1. You are reaching so many people Anne Moss! You are using your grief to help others! It is amazing! And so are you!

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