The car is second only to the shower when it comes to best places to cry. Sometimes it’s a memory that triggers the tears. Sometimes it’s a song on the radio that reminds me of Charles. I am not afraid of them nor am I ashamed of them.
Letting them out brings relief and reminds me how much I loved my boy.
Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.
Charles wasn’t living at home at the time of his suicide.
Not because we had thrown him out or asked to leave the house due to his drug use. He had been stealing from us (almost all my silver was gone) and we sent him to his grandparents so we could figure out our next step. It was their idea and it sounded like a good one.
So we put him on a plane to see his grandparents in Georgia. (We live … Read more...
There are times I feel boxed in a room with no exit– the hurt and ache surrounding me so completely I can’t breathe. I don’t even want to move. How long does this last? When will it stop? Make it stop!
Even now, I have that same feeling of wanting to escape, of feeling smothered and screaming, “Let me out damn it!” The waves are not as long and not as often as they were a year ago. But it still hurts so much sometimes. You never imagined your child would die by suicide.
From a young lady, 26, a suicide survivor who attended my recent presentation at Coalition Theater Talk20 in Richmond, Virginia on the #griefheart project.
She came home and posted this on her Facebook page. Made me cry. So very brave. And I can’t help but cry again as I post it. This is the generation that will inspire change in mental illness, addiction and suicide. I hope it touches you as much as it did me.
“Just left a very powerful #Talk20 at the Coalition Theater. I was most inspired by Anne Moss’ bravery to share her very personal … Read more...
I wish I had asked charles this question. Why didn’t I?
One, because honestly, it didn’t occur to me to ask it.
Given the number of evaluations he had that indicated he was “high risk” I should have. But again, no one defined what that meant exactly and I am guilty of never asking for specific clarification. Fear of the answer?
If I had the opportunity for a replay how would I ask this question?
I am not a mental health professional and this blog post is a personal reflection on what I wish I had done