Thoughts of suicide are relentlessly slamming your brain and it feels as if it will never stop. But it will subside. Because all feelings are temporary and no crisis is permanent. I did not write this post to make you feel guilty. I wrote it so you understand what it’s like from a suicide loss survivor.
If you killed yourself
The world would not be a better place. Your family would be in agony. Hardly able to function. Friends and family would think they did something wrong and beat themselves up for the clues they missed.
I want you to know that even though you are struggling, maybe even using, you are loved. That last time you relapsed, you think you saw disappointment on our faces.
But that’s not what that emotion was. It was not disappointment.
It was worry. Morbid fear. And helplessness.
We want to understand relapses are part of the disease and part of recovery. That’s so easy to say and we try. Emotionally we are crushed because we are afraid you are going to die. That fear never leaves us at any point. We watch friends of yours die. … Read more...
Those with ‘lived experience’ are those who suffer suicidal thoughts and may or may not have had a suicide attempt. We need to listen to them. We need to honor their struggle. We need to be there for them.
A little background first
In 1995, I became interested in the internet marketing. After my son’s suicide, I sold my partnership in a digital marketing firm I co-owned for 7 years in January 2017 to pursue suicide prevention full time and all that goes with it– addiction, mental illness, and grief.
Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.
Charles, who suffered from anxiety and depression and ultimately addiction had been from detox to rehab to a sober house. After rehab he looked great. I call this “Saturday Charles.” He then went to the sober house but relapsed the next morning by walking downtown and buying heroin. We can only imagine he got money from his room at home on the way to the recovery house. The policy at the sober house was that if you went to … Read more...