I almost took my own life-the aftermath

by Tammie Ozolins

Tammy is in the center

It remember it so clearly. It was during my college years and I had been out drinking with my friends, a weekend routine back then. I ended up feeling very depressed. I had been on an antidepressant but I still drank and my boyfriend and I got into a fight that night.

I cannot remember what it was about but I remember feeling like I had had enough. I didn’t like myself back then. In my eyes, nothing was right–not my hair, my body or my intelligence.  In my eyes I had … Read more...

What would happen if I killed myself?

We want to help and support you so you can save your own life

Thoughts of suicide are relentlessly slamming your brain and it feels as if it will never stop. But it will subside.

If you killed yourself

The world would not be a better place. Your family would be in agony. Hardly able to function. Friends and family would think they did something wrong and beat themselves up for the clues they missed.

Horror, anger, guilt, sadness, isolation and raw, agonizing pain would be the result for those left behind if you killed yourself. They would not “get over it.” Ever. Their grief would change over time. Some would learn to move … Read more...

So you are contemplating suicide…

Photo credit Italian photographer Giorgio Cravero

I want to scream, “Don’t do it!”

I want to beg you not to.

I want to tell you how utterly devastating it is to lose a child and reveal all my naked, agonizing grief over my loss.

Really what I need to do is just listen and let you know you matter.

You think you don’t matter. You might even be scoffing at this letter saying, “This woman doesn’t know me!”

What you don’t know is that you are the center of someone’s universe. Your brain won’t let you believe that right now.

I know … Read more...

The final 48 hours

Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.

This is one of the last photos of Charles before he died
This is one of the last photos of Charles before he died

Charles, who suffered from anxiety and depression and ultimately addiction had been from detox to rehab to a sober house. After rehab he looked great. I call this “Saturday Charles.” He then went to the sober house but relapsed the next morning by walking downtown and buying heroin. We can only imagine he got money from his room at home on the way to the recovery house. The policy at the sober house was that if you went to Read more...