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Tag: rap lyrics about addiction

Numb me

Wish I could go back to the way it was
before I ever had a taste of the stuff
life wasted from drugs
powder replaced faith and got traded from love
hearts now decaying to dust
scratchin’ my face as I escape the hate with a buzz

–Numb me, by Charles Aubrey Rogers

If this is not a testament to never doing drugs, I don’t know what is. Once it sucked my child into depravity, shame moved in and took up residence.

I’ve been combing through Charles’ music and this is just a snippet of a song. He … Read more...

Limitless genius

YouTube video of the above song

I am writing this book and trying to decide which of Charles’ songs to include. That means some have to be left out. Which is really the hard part.

I’ve decided which ones. I think. And almost done with draft three but it’s been hard. So much emotion in this journey.

How did all of these words just appear in Charles’ head and spill onto the paper? In rhyme just automatically with minimal editing. It’s so hard to know how much he hurt. I feel I understand him so much better now that when … Read more...

My favorite of Charles’ quotes

Not all of these are sunny and positive. And we tend to avoid darkness. But I think for Charles, writing about the darkness helped him find light–until he found dope. There are so many rap songs and I have so few. Here are some of the quotes from those stanzas that I am sharing.

“My cerebellum is difficult to live with.”
––Charles Aubrey Rogers, Rap Song, “Diary of a Broken Mind”

“My demons up against me
I’m facing them now
I wear the face of a clown
I feel so unloved
Because of the monster
Created from drugs.”
—–Rap … Read more...

Video: Forgive me momma – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Charles would rather Eminem or Cage be performing this rap. But I don’t know their numbers.

Since 8th grade, rap was Charles’ lifeline. He wrote it, performed it and it helped him deal with his depression and his addiction. I’m not talking about the crap rap that is commercially popular, I’m talking about soulful kind that represents the root of the genre.

He never shared his raps with me and other than the ones online. I saw them only after he died. He knew I’d be alarmed. I called his notebooks his Rap Diaries and in those pages, I have the answer to the… Read more...

What These Drugs Do – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

This was hidden in Charles' closet when he was 15
This was hidden in Charles’ closet when he was 15

Another of Charles’ raps penned under Reezin’ the Revolutionary. This one nails addiction. It’s not pleasant but neither is the illness. I think once you read it, you start to have an understanding of the self-loathing an addict suffers from. 

During his last days, Charles suffered a depressive episode and that coupled with the withdrawal from heroin is why he took his own life. 

What these drugs do

I got that shit that’ll make you rob, steal or kill,
I’ve seen mother fuckers throw away everything for a single pill.… Read more...

Silver Lining by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Every-Cloud

This rap song, Silver Lining, is on Sound Cloud and posted below. I wrote out the words a while back so I’d have them. He recorded it with his friend Max Richards, a very talented musician who is doing the beats. He recorded it in 2014 while at Wasatch Academy in Utah on an instrument microphone. 

By Charles Aubrey Rogers, Reezin the Revolutionary– 4/26/1995-6/5/2015

Woke up with not enough sleep
Got to breakfast, too late to eat
Still managed to get a stain on my favorite shirt
Every day’s stress, what’s next?
the news plays and reflects
the … Read more...

Not exactly a suicide note

escape-clouds

Here’s how I understand the why of his suicide. His brain telling him he wanted to go, had to go. It would be better somewhere else. It was too painful here.

It is through these songs, as painful as they are to read, that I understand his depression. I wish he would’ve given life here another shot.

Run Free

Problems just pilin’ all around me
Wish I could just wilin’ in Hawaiian islands
Taking shots of crown
Let the alcohol drown
Take a look around
All this bullshit surround got me down
Wish I could just run free fun free, … Read more...

Charles’ new Rap is online on iTunes. I don’t wanna be a patient.

reezin-album-cover
This was the intended album cover for this album. Only 1.5 songs from it and this is the finished one. Photo by Louis King at Imperial Alliance Media in Richmond VA

Charles was a Rap artist among his many talents. His notebooks and music were his salvation while he was alive and probably the only reason he lived until 20.

When he was away at a therapeutic boarding school, they did take his notebooks which made me angry. Writing is therapeutic. I don’t hate the school but I didn’t think taking his writing away because they … Read more...

Why did he kill himself? Answering the why

charles-wilderness-04-23-12-CR

Charles in Wilderness Program for troubled teens. It was here that we finally got a great diagnosis. He did embrace the program after 4 weeks or so.

I learned a lot about Charles after his death by suicide from his RAP diary where he wrote his songs. You can see his notebook in his hands in the picture on this page. Many of his friends know what I’m talking about since he carried them with him. They were his lifeline.

It’s in those pages I saw just how much he hurt. Every single day.

And why he ultimately gravitated to heroin as it was … Read more...