Limitless genius

YouTube video of the above song

I am writing this book and trying to decide which of Charles’ songs to include. That means some have to be left out. Which is really the hard part.

I’ve decided which ones. I think. And almost done with draft three but it’s been hard. So much emotion in this journey.

How did all of these words just appear in Charles’ head and spill onto the paper? In rhyme just automatically with minimal editing. It’s so hard to know how much he hurt. I feel I understand him so much better now that when he was alive. Twice I’ve run across passages where he mentions psychosis.

Psychosis is characterized as disruptions to a person’s thoughts and perceptions that make it difficult for them to recognize what is real and what isn’t. These disruptions are often experienced as seeing, hearing and believing things that aren’t real or having strange, persistent thoughts, behaviors and emotions. While everyone’s experience is different, most people say psychosis is frightening and confusing.*

Did he suffer psychosis? I’ve often wondered. Some of those songs, just a few, make me ponder this as a possibility. I won’t ever know for sure.

As I read through his rap diaries, there is so much darkness and so much genius it makes me ache. Writing this book has taken me back to a low place some days.  I’ve done enough writing to know that the process brings healing.

But today, I’m utterly spent.

*Early Psychosis and Psychosis

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

6 thoughts on “Limitless genius”

  1. So proud of you. I have pages and pages of Whitten’s writings and have not looked at them since that first year. I have to do it.

  2. I know your book will bring hope and healing to many. I’m so glad you have his words and handwriting. Thank you for sharing your son with us.

  3. I was thinking as I looked at Charles’ journal page above that you must read his words with his voice in your head. I imagine that is both comforting and so very tough. I hope you are taking the breaks in life that you need to be good to yourself as well. Much love to you, Anne Moss.

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