Not all of these are sunny and positive. And we tend to avoid darkness. But I think for Charles, writing about the darkness helped him find light–until he found dope. There are so many rap songs and I have so few. Here are some of the quotes from those stanzas that I am sharing.
“My cerebellum is difficult to live with.”
––Charles Aubrey Rogers, Rap Song, “Diary of a Broken Mind”
“My demons up against me
I’m facing them now
I wear the face of a clown
I feel so unloved
Because of the monster
Created from drugs.”
—–Rap song, “Just to Hurt” by Charles Aubrey Rogers
“…if you make it through today,
you can make it through the next”
——Rap Song: Find Beauty, Charles Aubrey Rogers
“Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.”
“As dark as my life’s like, I can still smile at the bright side and see the silver lining even when it’s nighttime.”
“But I bet when I’m deceased,
at peace when my final season ends,
they’ll listen then and say ain’t another rapper dope as reezin is,
or was, cause I’ll be done with the dust unable to feel the love.”
“Through all the terror, I can catch beauty in the glimpse of hope.”
“I want everyone to relax a little. Life ain’t a board meeting.”
–Rap song, Desire, by Charles Aubrey Rogers, Reezin’ the Revolutionary
“My brain strains and decays, and thoughts stay and hurt like razor blades.”
“So play this when your day is gray when hope is dim,
When happiness is growing slim,
Listen to me rap then reverse the grim,
Burn the hurt, let my words do the work.”
—–Rap song, “Silver Lining” by Charles Aubrey Rogers
“This world is crushing me but I lift the weight,
Look at a star with a different face you’ll see tomorrow
The world will be a better place.”
“Even in darkness,
sometimes sunshine shines through the blinds.”
—Charles Aubrey Rogers- Rap Song, ‘Just to Hurt’
“How come I still feel hollow as death When I got a family and I’m obviously blessed.”
“When everything leaves, all you have is hope. All you have is family. I took that for granted and I can’t stand it.”
“They’ll take everything.
That’s what these drugs do.
Strip your motivation,
jail, probation, heavenly elevation.
That’s what these drugs do.”
“My demons up against me and I’m facin’ them now
I wear the face of a clown,
I feel so unloved, because of the monster created from drugs.”
“It’s like I’m surrounded by walls with no escape at all
I’m over 6 feet tall, But I’ve never felt so small.”
“I could never sit still
Doctor prescribed pills, ‘This kid’s ill,’
I already wrote my will, I don’t know how long I’ll be here till.”
“Dope kills, but I let the opiates fill my brain, but the effects don’t remain.”
“If you’ve got something good, you better respect it
Hold your world and protect it,
The only thing guaranteed in life is death,
And everything looks sweeter when you haven’t any life left.”
“She’s my angel, so it’s only appropriate that she stay on my mind like a halo.”
“I’m low, so low
In a boat to hell in myself I dwell as it rows
I’m low as low as it goes.”
“I’m the last piece in a broken puzzle to a broken puzzle
Never fittin’
I’m just sittin’ near the trouble
It’s difficult findin’ air to breathe concealed within a bubble
Can’t sleep, death is the only way to keep peace from the struggle.”
“Daddy was my hero,
He’s who I wanted to be like,
Taught me how to ride a bike,
Taught me how to live my life.”
“Family as priceless as life is,
This time is moving too fast.
I wish I could grab it, hold and have it,
Keep it there and show you all how much I really care,
I thank you every day that I’m here and breathin’ air.”
“My actions were ugly, teenage druggie, looking for anything to numb me, pathetic, scummy.
But you still love me. I would cry when I wanna die and you would hug me.”
“Live with meaning before death forever
Eternal darkness, peace at last, no more hardships
Hard to comprehend in the human mind
Impossible to envision leaving yourself behind.”
“One act of emotion can send it all in a backward motion as black as the back of the ocean.”
“If there’s a God where is he?
I tried to pray but the line was busy.”
“I’m searchin’ for beauty in the dark and music is my spark.”
“It’s hard to feel when you’re hollow man
I hope it’s better tomorrow.”
“Music fills my empty, makes my hollow float.”
“I know I’m dope, put my soul in every rap I ever wrote.”
“Leanin’ on clouds up in heaven with my rap feelin’ free at last
Floatin’ through the present I ain’t focused on the past.”
“You can try to lose the blues instead of excepting that you’re drowning in it with concrete shoes”
—–Rap Song: Find Beauty
“I want people to be people. No one treated like property.”
–Rap Song: Desire, Charles Aubrey Rogers
Thank you for sharing your beautiful son Charles with us. He reminds so much of my son Ryan. He suffers from depression band has been writing rap since his early teens. Ryan has struggled and lives with a darkness and pain that treatment, therapy and medication have never been very effective. In July of 2014, my daughter Kaitlin died of an accidental drug overdose. As you sadly know, this loss devastates a Family. I never expected Kaitlin was going to die. She loved life. My broken heart feels so much guilt for not seeing Kaitlin’s pain. We had put so much energy into savings Ryan, my other children suffered. Ryan was so close to Kaitlin. Her death has destroyed him. He self medicates and I hear that I will lose him too. He won’t get help. He is done with the mental health system. I am lost. He needs a mentor . If you have any recommendations, I would be grateful. We live in Richmond VA too.
Jean. I am so sorry. My friend Pat is in that same position. I think you can tell him what you wish but that you know you can’t do it for him. Let him know you love him and I feel sure you say that often. Peer support is the best. I have an idea to try and spark a start to that. Ask him if he would write something about his sister to publish on this site. Something that says how he feels by losing her. Tell him this will help others which it does and helps keep her memory alive. Because I see how people look things up in the statistics. They look up people’s names. It sounds like a long shot. Maybe the first step is showing him some article here, maybe about charles’ depression.
As far as ‘ignoring other kids’ thats A tough thing to balance. I, too, am guilty of getting wrapped up into charles’ issues that my older son kind of got ignored. To a point. But you are only one person. And we can’t split ourselves in two. It was a constant topic at families anonymous. I found that support groups helped me work through all these issues. It was my lifesaver. Still is. Support for you and what you are going through helps. It’s not just their recovery, it’s yours too.
Love all of these. Charles really did have a way with words!💜💜💜
Just now seeing this comment. Yes he did. Thank you.
Charles really had insight into his life at a young age. It’s clear he had great love and appreciation for his family. He was truly “emotionally naked.” Thank you for sharing these quotes.
I wonder sometimes where my ideas come from and it’s either Charles, you guys from your comments and in conversation with others. Thanks Leigh.