So what was Charles thinking up until he took his own life?

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It’s been over a year and piece by piece I am getting the picture of what Charles was thinking those last days. Where he went. Why he did it. How he felt. This one has been churning in my head like a hamster wheel. So I have to let it out.

He was supposed to go with a group of others to the west end of Richmond around the end of May 2015. He had been living at a house with others suffering from heroin addiction and they stuck together like family. A friend of his said he refused to go with … Read more...

Saturday Charles

Charles sent this to a friend while in detox
Charles sent this to a friend while in detox

Trigger warning: Strong emotional content and suicide method mentioned.

Charles wasn’t living at home at the time of his suicide.

Not because we had thrown him out or asked to leave the house due to his drug use. He had been stealing from us (almost all my silver was gone) and we sent him to his grandparents so we could figure out our next step. It was their idea and it sounded like a good one.

So we put him on a plane to see his grandparents in Georgia. (We live … Read more...

Why didn’t I ask, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’

I wish I had asked charles this question. Why didn’t I?

One, because honestly, it didn’t occur to me to ask it.

Given the number of evaluations he had that indicated he was “high risk” I should have. But again, no one defined what that meant exactly and I am guilty of never asking for specific clarification. Fear of the answer?

If I had the opportunity for a replay how would I ask this question?

I am not a mental health professional and this blog post is a personal reflection on what I wish I had done

• If you

Read more...

When suicide comes from out of nowhere. Remembering Maggie Moyler

by Charlotte Moyler

Maggie Moyler, 17. This was taken 2 weeks before her suicide
Maggie Moyler, 17. This was taken 2 weeks before her suicide

Note from Anne Moss: Charlotte Moyler is a suicide loss survivor and founder of Suicide Loss Survivor Group in Williamsburg, VA. Until now, she had not gone public with her story.

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We called her Pie, our little Magpie.

Born in January 1994 and adopted into our family when she was less that two days old. Maggie was an answered prayer and so much more! She was the daughter I longed for after 14 years of marriage. She was tiny and full of energy!

She … Read more...

Dear Heroin, I F-ing HATE you!

You are the sorriest, most vicious, demonic son of a bitch in the world.

You took over my child at his most vulnerable and you lured him into your lair of deceit. Then wrapped your evil talons around him, leaked into his brain and never let go until he was dead.

You told him that he was the greatest human being in the world–and then the most worthless. You ostracized him from his family and his friends and made him do things he would not ever have done without your influence.

You made him lie, cheat and steal for you. … Read more...

What did Charles say prior to suicide to indicate his intentions?

I’m going to go through the process of what he said in various places to various people so you know what someone contemplating suicide might say.

This is a super hard post to write. Extremely, exceptionally, impossibly painful. I’d not do it if I didn’t think it would help others avoid standing in the shoes I am in now.

Honestly, really and truly. Do not ever think that it cannot happen to you.

Charles’ notebooks revealed a lot but we did not have access to those. His last phone call was cryptic and I was an emotional basket case during … Read more...

Did Charles show signs of mental illness earlier in his life?

“I’m the last piece in a broken puzzle
 To a broken puzzle
 Never fittin’
 I’m just sittin’ near the trouble
 It’s difficult findin’ air to breathe concealed within a bubble
 Can’t sleep
 Death is the only way to keep peace from the struggle”
Charles Aubrey Rogers

Charles never slept well, even as a toddler. He was “always on, never off”. If that is an official indicator of something to come, I am not aware of it but lack of sleep definitely contributed to all of his issues and his creativity peaked at night.

Sleep is so precious and it … Read more...

Did Charles show warning signs for teen suicide?

Looking back after my son Charles Aubrey Rogers’ death, I see that he did exhibit signs of being suicidal. Of course I have often asked myself what I missed.charles rogers I had been a mental health advocate and board member at Beacon Tree Foundation for several years prior to his suicide. Although I had been to one suicide symposium, I still did not connect the dots when it came to my own child. 

Frankly, he didn’t check that many of the boxes on the list of suicide risks they presented that day.

His father and I have been married 30 … Read more...