You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?
I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us. I lost a child because of it.
So for the last month, I have passed by this “heart” on the sidewalk when I run. Because I am not tied to anything electronic when I run, I have not had the phone to take a picture of it. But today walking the dog, I had it.
It looks like the heart was turned upside down and drained. That is so precisely how I feel some days. I think recent loss of a 15-year-old girl at James River High who died by suicide has left me feeling helpless and defeated. Which means tomorrow I will wake up to fight … Read more...
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be fighter. Throughout my whole journey I have had to fight day in and day out to find happiness. I have had to fight for the one thing I have always wanted the most, full recovery.
For those who don’t know me, here is my story
I’ve always had insecurities and struggles–the biggest was separation anxiety from my mom.
In elementary school, I remember running to my mom who worked at the school, and clinging to her as my teacher pulled me off. I know now … Read more...
Thank you Lisa Mistra for this illustration. Love it! Melissa Scott Sinclair was the moderator, a talented author and writer for Richmond magazine and Style Weekly and I am the presenter on the topic of personal branding.
If you are an aspiring author in Richmond, Virginia, James River Writers is the group for you. Such a gracious, interesting, supportive and engaged group. I thoroughly enjoyed presenting to this group. And that’s saying something since I had been in a serious grief relapse.
The topic was personal branding and social media and I used some examples from this site, annemoss.com. It … Read more...
Dear Charles- I rather you were here with me. But you are not. So I have no other choice. You suffered more than I thought you did. I wish I could have helped.
All those years of worrying about what would happen to you, and your worst enemy was inside you. How can a mother know to protect her son from himself? Suicide is just not something we ever think about, can ever imagine.
Like you said in your song to Cal, “You may have died but I’m keepin’ your memory alive.”
I have been asked this question several times since Charles’ death. And I know that others not in this club must wonder how we go on.
I have had many near-death experiences –a broken neck, an attempted rape and murder at knifepoint, a brain tumor, two brain surgeries, and a near lightning strike.
I would have thought this would have groomed me for whatever came my way. The truth is it did not prepare me for watching my son self-destruct and his ultimate suicide. It did build my resilience and I was able to utilize those tools after his death.
Yet through all that despair, I desperately held onto that tiny shred of hope that was going to keep me alive, keep me moving forward. I held onto it with everything I had. That awful night, my son and … Read more...