Connected heart— #griefheart number 242

Connected heart

A new friend in the neighborhood had me and two other ladies for dinner tonight. She had sent me this heart previously, having seen it in Chickahominy which is in Hanover, Virginia. Three of the four of us at dinner lost a child to suicide. It’s always nice to be able to talk openly on the subject

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Stalking heart— #griefheart number 241

Stalking heart

All week, those Mother’s Day ads, hearts, balloons, flowers, greeting cards have stalked me where ever I go. It’s hard not to see them as reminders of my chid that it no longer here.

The week was brutal. It’s only better now because I have my oldest with me now.

So remember friends

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Cheese Whiz heart— #griefheart number 234

Cheese Whiz heart

Hearts are everywhere. Even in the Cheese Whiz.

Charles loved cheese. Cheese sticks, cheese squares, cheese sandwiches, cheese quesadillas, Cheese-its, and Cheese Whiz–which he’d squirt directly into his mouth. I never bought Cheese Whiz by the way. But once he was 16, I could not prevent

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Mystery heart— #griefheart number 218


So my friend Connie goes out to her mailbox and low and behold this is on her driveway. From where? She doesn’t know. When she went back out, it was gone. Her son is out there somewhere. Unfortunately, her family has suffered intensely from her son’s addiction for over 12 years.

Those

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Recovery heart – #griefheart number 190

Recovery heart
Recovery heart

A neighbor donated their car to Sherry, who has been in recovery for a year. When she sent me the picture, I saw that she was wearing a heart on her shirt.

It made me think about my own recovery from the loss of my son–how hard it’s been, how I have started to heal emotionally.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain

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Half hearted– #griefheart number 163

half-hearted
Half hearted

Some days my efforts for getting up and dressed are half hearted. I do it anyway because lying about in bed won’t make me feel better.  There are times you have to fake it before you make it. Losing a child to suicide is so devastating, many days you can’t believe it happened.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain

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Infinity heart – #griefheart number 161

Infinity heart
Infinity heart

An infinity heart is an “I love you forever heart.” I love Charles forever and ever even though he’s not here any longer.

This is actually a tattoo on the arm of my friend Beka Lombardo who

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Love an addict – #griefheart number 159

love-an-addict

Many of us love or have loved an addict. Their disease is not who they are and I want you to know that even when they are actively using, their real selves are alive and suffering. I can see from Charles’ rap lyrics before his suicide that he felt deeply when he was using. That he hated

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Puzzled heart – #griefheart number 154

Puzzled heart
Puzzled heart

My heart is often puzzled. Why did this happen? Why didn’t I know? Why wouldn’t he admit to suffering from depression?

I can only speculate and his lyrics have helped me figure it out as much as I will ever know. It’s just really hard to put the pieces of your life back together

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