My alter ego talks me through my first Mother’s Day

Alter Ego:  It’s Mother’s Day today. Your first

Me: Now that’s a new definition of the first Mother’s Day

Alter Ego: It’s the first since his suicide

Me: I just want to die

Alter Ego: Really? 

Me: No, not really. I planned the birthday and death anniversary but there so many occasions. I just failed to plan for this one. 

Alter Ego: What would you have done? 

Me: Planned a surgery that lasted all day 

Alter Ego:  Well you don’t need surgery

Me: No. I just need the anesthesia

Alter Ego:  It’s just one day

Me: I know, I know. I just can’t go out where people are celebrating or face Facebook. All those pictures and “happy mother’s day” greetings. I just can’t take it. 

Alter Ego: So give it a break. Others are also struggling that day, too. You’re not the only one who has lost a child. Still others have recently lost their mother or can’t conceive. 

Me: True. Richard’s in Chicago. Charles gone forever. And I didn’t even get my own mom anything. 

Alter Ego: You had a break down every time you looked for anything. 

Me: I did. A waterfall of tears. I always liked getting something. But I just couldn’t even fathom all those steps

Alter Ego: You know last year when you got that text message from Charles, you cried on Mother’s Day

Me: I remember. This year I’ll be crying because I’ll never get another one

Alter Ego: You are still a mom. 

Me: How the hell does anyone do this?

Alter Ego: They just do
mothers-day

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Author: Anne Moss Rogers

I am the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am President of Beacon Tree Foundation, advocates for youth mental health as well as a writer and public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. I was a marketing professional for years prior to losing my son and co-owned a digital marketing firm.

8 thoughts on “My alter ego talks me through my first Mother’s Day”

  1. Anne Moss,
    We get through these days. A minute at a time sometimes. This year I got to spend the day with Rob in Denver and I just carry Reece with me everywhere. And will as long as I live. Love and hugs.

  2. I love the concept for talking yourself through this first Mother’s Day Without Charles. This is actually my fourth but Garrett gone 3 years to months Mother’s Day was immediately following along with his 22nd birthday and Easter, his favorite holiday then that first Mother’s Day, all within weeks. You are doing a phenomenal job in the community particularly with the advocacy work you are doing just 11 months following Charles’s death. I am proud to call you a friend, and Angel sister. (Hugs)

  3. I don’t know what to say. But I want you to know I’m so very sorry and I thought of you often today. My words are inadequate, but I’m thankful you have Charles’s words of love in his text message. I know you treasure that.

  4. I am quite sure he is saying happy Mother’s Day to you. I know Richard and Randy are so grateful to have you too.

    So this isn’t the greatest year? That’s OK. You have been a great Mother figure to many that are suffering in pain. Maybe today is the day you reflect on all the people you have helped. Maybe today is the day to read a good book or take a long bath.

    Charles remains. Your love for each other never dies.

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