Alter Ego: It’s Mother’s Day today. Your first
Me: Now that’s a new definition of the first Mother’s Day
Alter Ego: It’s the first since his suicide
Me: I just want to die
Alter Ego: Really?
Me: No, not really. I planned the birthday and death anniversary but there so many occasions. I just failed to plan for this one.
Alter Ego: What would you have done?
Me: Planned a surgery that lasted all day
Alter Ego: Well you don’t need surgery
Me: No. I just need the anesthesia
Alter Ego: It’s just one day
Me: I know, I know. I just can’t go out where people are celebrating or face Facebook. All those pictures and “happy mother’s day” greetings. I just can’t take it.
Alter Ego: So give it a break. Others are also struggling that day, too. You’re not the only one who has lost a child. Still others have recently lost their mother or can’t conceive.
Me: True. Richard’s in Chicago. Charles gone forever. And I didn’t even get my own mom anything.
Alter Ego: You had a break down every time you looked for anything.
Me: I did. A waterfall of tears. I always liked getting something. But I just couldn’t even fathom all those steps
Alter Ego: You know last year when you got that text message from Charles, you cried on Mother’s Day
Me: I remember. This year I’ll be crying because I’ll never get another one
Alter Ego: You are still a mom.
Me: How the hell does anyone do this?
Alter Ego: They just do