For those of us who’ve lost a pregnancy, child, or a mom, Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of who is no longer here. Even moms-to-be who’ve been trying to get pregnant, the day is like a hot knife to the heart, a cruel reminder of what has not happened.
It’s been five years since I lost my son Charles to suicide and he always remembered mother’s day and the text above is one of the most treasured. When I got it my heart went soft and my jaw went slack. I knew it was a message I’d keep forever.
For those grieving:
- Cuddle with your memories, acknowledge your hurt. Establish some time to talk with loved ones about the person you lost. Grief is the only tie you have to the child you lost or the mom you remember. Cry, scream, beat the pillows but visit the memories even if they trigger sadness. Because it’s OK to feel sad. Remember their hugs, their hair, their laugh, and all the selfless love they gave. Your memories are in the scent of their clothing, the photos you’ve taken, the other items you’ve saved.
2. Don’t let your loss make you feel guilty for enjoying what you have. Hug your family, love them, and tell them how special it is for them to remember you. Let them know you do feel happiness and sadness at the same time and you are aware this is confusing. But if you don’t suffer the sadness you anticipated, it’s OK. It doesn’t mean you are cheating on the deceased.
3. Write a letter to your loved one. Pour your heart out because a good, ugly cry gives your heart space to find peace and a sliver of happiness. It will feel so good to let it all out. This exercise has helped me multiple times over the years.
4. Forget the mascara. It’s just going to give you raccoon eyes anyway. Since many of us are still stuck in COVID-19 quarantine you probably hadn’t planned to wear it anyway.
5. Laugh at something funny. I posted this of a baby who laughs at ripping paper. It’s a random funny of a child’s joy that is guaranteed to make you smile.