There are days I feel empty.
When nothing fills the hollow,
Erases the longing,
Or soothes the dull ache.
It doesn’t last as long.
Or feel as acute as it did.
But it still hurts.
Feels very surreal.
It hangs on my heart like a weight.
Before it melts away.
It’s grief reminding me,
I still love my child,
Who died by suicide.
by Ricky Rash
On the morning of January 20th, 2011 the phone rang and it was the local dispatcher whom we knew. She said Eric had called and reported a dead body. She didn’t seem too concerned because we all knew Eric was a good, level-headed kid.
However, Eric was not in his room so I went to find him. I expected to sit with him waiting on police. But instead found him about 30 feet from the car.
It was 5:22 AM.
He had used my 12-gauge shotgun that he had hunted with for 3 years. He had killed … Read more...
By Tammy Ozolins
Late one night I came home depressed. Living with Bipolar is difficult enough, but the depression was getting the best of me. So, I decided I had enough and I took a handful of my mom’s sleeping pills and was excited to be ending my life.
I then went to my bedroom and I remember the room spinning and I just laid down and the room went black. I woke up the next day and the first thing I said to myself, was “I am so stupid I cannot even kill myself right.” I went for several more weeks, still in … Read more...
by Emilianna Burtrum
If had to choose a phrase that encapsulates my story and the pain and suffering I’ve experienced, it would be: “collateral beauty.”
Several years ago, I lost my best friend and roommate to suicide. It turned my world upside down.
There are no words to explain the devastating grief that washes over you after a complex loss like suicide; it’s as unpredictable and as relentless as waves crashing over the seashore. I wrestled with the never-ending questions and the monstrous-of-all questions, “why?” my best friend killed herself. Time and time again, … Read more...
This is a phone call between a school administrator and a mom.
This happened just months ago to a friend. This is the kind of thing you run into when you have a child that suffers mental illness or addiction. The very people you expect to be on your side, are not. The people you expect to be reasonable are surprisingly without compassion.
School Administrator: Hi Mrs Ellerslie. We understand your son is currently at Tucker Psychiatric but he was caught on the school bus camera smoking marijuana. That is against school policy and carries a 10 day expulsion and … Read more...
We need to share our stories about addiction, mental illness, grief overdose and suicide. We must talk about our family’s pain as it relates to the illness of addiction and mental illness because it’s a family issue.
The stories shared with me to post here on emotionally naked this past two weeks have been amazing. I had some prior to that that I included on this page.
You’d be wrong.
Visitation to the site has quadrupled lately and we will soon reach 200,000 people reached since Feb 2016. People are interested. And … Read more...
Every once in a while I had to make this declaration.
It meant, “I’m done for today.”
It meant, “Time out!”
I needed to give my brain a break from the emotional mayhem of caring for a stubborn child that suffered from anxiety, depression and addiction. I needed that break so I could refuel and come back fighting.
As parents, we get to that point.
The system is so frustrating, support so lacking, it often feels like no one is on your side. And let’s face it. We can’t always get cooperation from our loved ones either. Watching someone self-destruct is no picnic.… Read more...
Five minutes at James River Out of the Darkness Walk where they have raised over $11k!
Would love to see students speaking at this event next year. There are a couple of times the video has wind interruption but not much.
Neico Hayden’s amazing story of surviving a suicide attempt #Neicostrong
At first, this was my internal visceral response to people who acted as if my grief was an inconvenience to them–an ugly interruption in their beautiful, perfect life.
To be clear, I don’t resent anyone for having living children or a successful life. I do resent how my child was treated by those who were supposed to help him, leaving us broken at times.
Because of our tragedy, I do invade people’s space with my story. Over and over and over again. Even unsuspecting people, minding their own business.
I brazenly push the topic out there and I know it makes people uncomfortable. … Read more...
by Alyssa Ward, Phd, LCP
I’ve been thinking about Chris Cornell’s suicide a lot. I had a conversation with one of my best friends about this yesterday and I felt the urge to share. Let me say first, I don’t know if Cornell was depressed–we don’t know what was going on or all the drivers, but my friend was asking why people want to die.
As I tell the teenagers suffering with depression every week–depression is a trickster. Depression is a narcissist. When depression takes residence it’s like the person is inhabited by someone who is not their … Read more...
This post is for you Matt.
Those with ‘lived experience’ are those who suffer suicidal thoughts and may or may not have had a suicide attempt. We need to listen to them. We need to honor their struggle. We need to be there for them.
In 1995, I became interested in the internet marketing. After my son’s suicide, I sold my partnership in a digital marketing firm I co-owned for 7 years in January 2017 to pursue suicide prevention full time and all that goes with it– addiction, mental illness, and grief.
I have the advantage of knowing … Read more...
From Anne Moss: If someone tells you something about suicide, please take it seriously. Do not keep it “secret.” This is not to shed blame. We all overlook signs of suicide. What I’m asking you to do is to pay attention and be there. Make the call and warn a mom, a friend, a relative.
I met Neico Hayden (pronounced NEEKO) at the James River Out of the Darkness walk in May 2017. I saw him and his family in the parking lot and walked over to them. I had no idea he was a recent suicide survivor until his mother … Read more...
Note from Anne Moss: I am continuing in a series of posts from my most engaged readers. Like many who suffer, a strong faith can help. As an advocate, I would be remiss if I didn’t add that a good support system, whether that includes faith, friendship, family, therapy, or even medication, can also work well. It depends on the individual. This one from Michael, who has lived experience.
by Michael Widuch
I suffered suicidal thoughts first when I was 12 years old in the school year of 2003-2004 due to an unstable special needs school environment and unhealthy family setting. … Read more...
By Diane Fielder McCormick
Content warning: Strong Emotional Content.
Note from Anne Moss: I sent an email to my most engaged readers and asked if they wanted to share their stories. Diane responded right away and has shared with all of us the final videos from her son. They are a gift. And they are heartbreaking. But they are also something else. It shows that even in the darkest hour, your loved one loved you.
Suicide, addiction, and depression have a very close relationship. More than 90% of people who fall victim to suicide suffer from depression, have or substance abuse … Read more...
Using stimulants or amphetamines like Adderall or Ritalin has become commonplace for students. And they take these in their drive to succeed in high schools and colleges across the US. Prescribed by doctors for students with ADD/ADHD, these drugs often end up on the black market and abused by high school and college students. And stimulants have significantly different effects on those who do not have ADD/ADHD.
From 2006-2011, the non-medical use of “speed” or some other amphetamine (taking the drug without a prescription) rose 67% and emergency room visits went up 156%. Stimulants were used illegally more than any other prescription … Read more...
