As I sat in the back of the police car, the officer said, “Charles was found dead in an apartment on Monument Avenue.” I thought it was an overdose. Convinced, actually.
But it was my husband’s question, “How did he die?” and the officer’s answer, “He hung himself,” that took my breath away. Literally. It was an extra twist of the knife that brought with it so many emotions I did not recognize. All at once–with confusion leading in the race.
My first thought once I could think was, “No, no, anything but that. Not that. Please not that.” As … Read more...
If had to choose a phrase that encapsulates my story and the pain and suffering I’ve experienced, it would be: “collateral beauty.”
Several years ago, I lost my best friend (who was also my roommate) to suicide. It turned my world upside down.
There are no words to explain the devastating grief that washes over you after a complex loss like suicide; it’s as unpredictable and relentless as waves crashing over the seashore. I wrestled with the never-ending questions and the monstrous-of-all questions, “why?” I broke time and time again over the … Read more...
“Let go, emotions flow, let it show and dissipate This world is crushing me but I lift the weight Look at star with a different face you’ll see tomorrow The world will be a better place” –Charles Aubrey Rogers, 1995-2015
Would I spend the money that we spent, upwards of $250k, again to try to save Charles life?
Would I have had Charles if I knew I’d only get him for 20 years?
Chaney is my #griefheart today. It’s not just “my” journey, this is a journey for millions of people suffering a suicide loss. And today, this heart is in honor of Chaney Corley who was only 13 when she died by suicide in September of 2015.
I met Tony and Angel Blackmon online after they read this article I wrote in February 2016. By Chaney’s Hands is a non-profit in Kentucky and they are doing their first fundraiser on the first day of youth mental health week, May 1, 2016.
I believe that by being open about suicide and sharing coping experiences and ideas, we can learn from each other.
The stigma has kept us clammed up for so long, it’s time we shared.
These work for me. Not to wipe away the pain. But to help me figure out how to live my life with this loss.
Writing hurts sometimes. Well, a lot of times. But there is a release of pain after I hit publish. I also feel free to do it now–to say what I want. No one is stopping me because I started my own … Read more...