I’m sick, very sick. I haven’t been this sick in a while. When I hit this low I make sure to constantly look at pictures of my family to remind myself of why I fight through this.
My wife recently lost her grandmother. I have tried to push my illness deep down so I can be strong for her. The deeper I try to push my illness down the more it pushes back. I feel guilty for not being there for her the way I should and want to be.
I have always and still do try to cover up when I am feeling out of sorts.
I put on my mask and get through the day, but what people do not realize is when I am home I let it all out. My friends and family are who I rely on to get through the rough times, but at the same time I do not want to bother them with my bipolar disorder. I always feel like they will get sick of me.
My favorite song of all time is called The Dance by Garth Brooks it has a lot of meaning to me.
First, it reminds me of a special friend of mine, Brian, but we called him Rini. He and I would dance at the various dances we had at school. We were very close and shared a lot of memories –school, parties etc.
You suffer in silence out of constant fear of being persecuted. You bury your pain into the deepest obscure corners of your heart for fear of being labeled as crazy or insane. You try to fake it, to be strong, to be normal, all the while carrying this misunderstood weight on your chest.
Living with Bipolar Disorder can feel like driving a car and suddenly the steering wheel falls off. You can feel in control for days, weeks, or months at a time. Then suddenly you loose your steering and fall into the cavernous hole of depression.
Technical glitches at the start so once you hit play, you drag the little circle forward to about 4:45 or so.
I actually “met” Becca Lombardo on Twitter. She, like me, has been a mental health advocate for a long time. Rebecca suffers from bipolar disorder and has written two books on the subject. She and her husband, Joe, host this show to combat the issue of stigma associated with mental illness. I was honored to have been asked to be a guest on the show as a mother of a child who suffered mental illness and died by suicide.… Read more... “Voices for Change Podcast”
Christmas, birthdays and New Year’s Eve are three hard days for me.
Hardest isn’t quite the right word. More like I don’t deserve to be happy days. It’s something that’s always been the case since childhood. Those are supposed to be the two best days of the year. I’ve never really given it much thought until now. Since writing experiences down it now comes to the forefront.
We don’t know as we go through life, how often we may or may not impact someone else. But our daily interactions, no matter how brief, can actually change a life and make a difference. I want to tell you a story about what happened and how it impacted my life.
I live in Richmond and was visiting New York with my family when I saw a young lady with noticeable scars. I stopped because I recognized what those scars were from and I walked up to her and directly referenced them but not in the way … Read more... “Battle Scars”
Late one night I came home depressed. Living with Bipolar is difficult enough, but the depression was getting the best of me. So, I decided I had enough and I took a handful of my mom’s sleeping pills and was excited to be ending my life.