by Paul Buskey
One of the first songs I could relate to is Pink’s Don’t let me get me. Listen to the lyrics closely.
It’s extremely difficult for me at times to be in my own body and mind.
Unfriendly hostile thoughts are repetitive and plague me most of the time. Escaping the inescapable for a moment many of us would jump at the chance to see what it’s like to have a quiet mind.
These lyrics here strike me the most.
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
The mirror has never been my friend
Pictures included because it’s just another mirror. The worst enemy ever is the one that looks back at me.
I’ve never liked my picture taken even growing up. Back then, it wasn’t as annoying as it is nowadays since everyone carries one around with them. It bothers me up to this day having my picture taken. I tolerate it, of course since it’s for their benefit not mine.
You see, the person staring back at me is someone I’ve never liked and we’ve never been friends. Having bipolar and dealing with the depressive lies is where this originates I assume. It’s something that has always been with me and always will be. Sometimes it’s easy to recognize the lies but not all the time.
My psyche tells me I’m deserving of nothing. This includes compliments. It’s always been difficult for me to accept someone’s admiration. I see myself as undeserving of all positive gestures sent my way. I’m very appreciative of all and say thank you like you should but underneath it all I’m not a believer.
It is much better than it used to be so progress is being made just at a snail’s pace.
People’s journeys are all different
Mine, like others, may be shaded on the darker side but working on letting more light in. We all need to learn about and accept the differences in order to help one another so we gain a greater appreciation and awareness for those around us.
If you struggle to look in the mirror, there is hope. Some of us have been at it longer than others. You’re not alone in your journey.
You can change what you need to do and find a picture like you did last time it was perfect.