How to handle me when I am in a ‘roller coaster ride’

by Tammy Ozolins

I have always and still do try to cover up when I am feeling out of sorts.

I put on my mask and get through the day, but what people do not realize is when I am home I let it all out. My friends and family are who I rely on to get through the rough times, but at the same time I do not want to bother them with my bipolar disorder. I always feel like they will get sick of me.

The ironic part is the ones who truly know me will actually get … Read more...

Glad my life didn’t end so I would not miss the dance

by Tammy Ozolins

My favorite song of all time is called The Dance by Garth Brooks it has a lot of meaning to me.

First, it reminds me of a special friend of mine, Brian, but we called him Rini. He and I would dance at the various dances we had at school. We were very close and shared a lot of memories –school, parties etc.

Unfortunately he took his own life February 20, 1996, a day after my twin’s and my birthday. My twin brother was good friends with him as well and now all I have left are … Read more...

How can I survive grief with bipolar disorder

by Tammy Ozolins

Me and my Dad

On April 30, 2018 my world came crashing down when my daddy died.

He had been sick and even though I knew he would not be around for Christmas this year, I did expect to go home this summer and see him, and obviously that did not happen. I will remember this day like it was yesterday. I have two other brothers that live in the same city as me and my brother called me that Sunday and told me that it was time for us to come home because he had taken … Read more...

I almost took my own life-the aftermath

by Tammie Ozolins

Tammy is in the center

It remember it so clearly. It was during my college years and I had been out drinking with my friends, a weekend routine back then. I ended up feeling very depressed. I had been on an antidepressant but I still drank and my boyfriend and I got into a fight that night.

I cannot remember what it was about but I remember feeling like I had had enough. I didn’t like myself back then. In my eyes, nothing was right–not my hair, my body or my intelligence.  In my eyes I had … Read more...

Despite my bipolar disorder, I’ve been able to hold down a job

by Tammy Ozolins

For 14 years now I have been able to hold down a job. When you suffer from mental illness, that is a big deal.

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar 2, I was working a full-time job and it was very hard to keep it. The depression made it very challenging. I did not want to go to work. Heck, I did not even want to get up in the morning.

All I wanted to do was stay in bed, not shower and not eat.

The last thing I wanted to do was go to work. … Read more...

You have Bipolar Disorder-Rapid Cycling

tammy ozolins and her dad after bipolar disorder diagnosis
Tammy Ozolins and her Dad

by Tammy Ozolins

This is what the doctor told me during my first hospitalization. I thought it was like a cut and all I had to do was put a band aid on it and I would be good to go.

I told the doctor I have things to do, so let’s just get this fixed.

I truly did not accept my mental illness at this point. I took my medicine. But once I started to feel better, I stopped. Why? Because I thought I knew what was best for me.

Boy, was I wrong!… Read more...

My First Tattoo. Covers my Scars, but Not my Journey

By Tammy Ozolins

Late one night I came home depressed. Living with Bipolar is difficult enough, but the depression was getting the best of me. So, I decided I had enough and I took a handful of my mom’s sleeping pills and was excited to be ending my life.

I then went to my bedroom and I remember the room spinning and I just laid down and the room went black. I woke up the next day and the first thing I said to myself, was “I am so stupid I cannot even kill myself right.” I went for several more weeks, still in … Read more...