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There are days I feel empty.
When nothing fills the hollow,
Erases the longing,
Or soothes the dull ache.
It doesn’t last as long.
Or feel as acute as it did.
But it still hurts.
Feels very surreal.
It hangs on my heart like a weight.
Before it melts away.
It’s grief reminding me,
I still love my child,
Who died by suicide.
I am an emotionally naked mental health speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind and co-author with Kim O'Brien PhD, LICSW of Emotionally Naked: A Teacher's Guide to Preventing Suicide and Recognizing Students at Risk. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my younger son, Charles to addiction and suicide on June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational mental health keynotes, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, anxiety, coping strategies/resilience, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Mental Health Speakers Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK. View all posts by Anne Moss Rogers
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Yep surreal. 21 months now into this journey. Second birthday coming July 6. The tears don’t make it up to the eyes as much as they used to. At 20 months I noticed that. But I still wake up every morning and fight off the movie reel that plays his life from early childhood innocence up to envisioning my 21 year old boy hanging from his bedroom closet door in LA 2,000 away from me in South Carolina. But it’s never been about me. It’s the empathy and chronic sadness that I feel for what he must have been going through.
You and I have talked about how close together our death anniversaries are. That haunts me, too. All that pain and sadness he carried and didn’t share with me.
I don’t know this feeling myself, but my heart grieves for you and the other families who know this all too well… Much love to you, Anne Moss. ❤️
I think I’m not taking to my oldest and now my only moving to LA. It’s hit me all of a sudden.