Category: Suicide

How to hang yourself

Link to the How To Hang Yourself video: https://youtu.be/s2f2nQhqdNI

I hope you give this video just 51 seconds of your time. I am so sorry you feel so badly you are looking up how to hang yourself. My son,  Charles, looked up this phrase, too.

He suffered from depression and an addiction to heroin and died by suicide. People who were hurting as much as you are have told me the videos below helped them. They are from my son’s hurting soul.

I miss him every single day. If you comment below, I will answer.

Guides on how to

… Read more...

I didn’t find Charles after his suicide

I was not witness to that final scenery.

That vision is not forever burned in my memory.  And while I regret that the young men who did find him had to endure it, I have to admit, I’m selfishly thankful I didn’t see it.

I feel intense sorrow for a parent that does find their child that way. A few of those I know have. Others, like me, were spared that vision.

It would be a day later before I would find out. Panic, shock, screaming, an emergency call all happened without my knowledge a day before. A handful of … Read more...

Breakup heart— #griefheart number 231

Breakup heart

When you drop something and it breaks, you have this feeling that you want to reverse what just happened. Like there is something you could have done to prevent it from shattering on the floor. Even in that brief second before it breaks you feel that sense of panic of, “What can I do to stop this from happening?”

Sometimes when you catch it before it breaks, you feel a sense of victory and you breathe a sigh of relief. There are times I so wish I had had that opportunity to save my son. Seen in coming … Read more...

6 things you need to know about social media and your kids

social media

There are good things about social media. And bad.

It’s the over utilization of it that is the problem for kids. And parents are having a hard time getting a handle on it.

Kids who suffer from mental illness are at risk for reacting to the bullying, exclusion and fictitious perfectionism and altered reality of social media in a negative way including suicide. Here are things you need to keep in mind as a parent.

1. Social media is an algorithm-based feed

Say what? Just so you know, an algorithm is simply a math equation fed to the social media … Read more...

Strawberry love— #griefheart number 229

strawberry heart
Strawberry heart

This one is so perfect.

Both Charles and I loved chocolate covered strawberries. And this accidental swirl of a heart was just meant to be part of this project. Probably the closest to a nutritious food Charles ever got!

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Would I do it all over again?
… Read more...

I felt you with me, Charles Rogers

Charles S, Haley, Anne Moss

Charles Rogers, I am trying to spread the message any way I can because I know how you suffered. And I need to in order to move forward to cope with losing you.

So I am at Godwin High School with the student-lead group, “No Eagle Left Behind.” This group is focused on awareness surrounding mental illness, bullying, suicide and addiction. Things have changed so much since your suicide. People are starting to talk. I’ve been at it so long, fought so hard and it’s so bittersweet that it’s after your death.

Anyway, I talked … Read more...

The grieving runner

My running view

As soon as 2 days after Charles’ suicide in June 2015, I went for my morning run.

Numb and shocked, carrying the weight of grief in every limb, I forged out on the trail to find relief.

Yes, I was a mess.

No I didn’t want to go.

But I did.

Good God this hurts.

It was how I had coped before he died and now it had to be how I coped after. Standing still, the grief would consume me. That first week, my running path buddies stopped and hugged me. I ached and I cried and carried my ugly, … Read more...

Figuring out who you are after a loved one dies

bouncing back
Bouncing back

When Charles first died by suicide, I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I was the mom that had bonfires and countless spend-the-nights and pizza parties. I was the “youtube” house. I was the mom of the funniest most popular kid in school. I was mom of an up-and-coming rap artist. I was the mom who kept condoms available in the boys’ bathroom for anyone in the neighborhood that wanted them–no questions asked. I was the mom of that zany, fun kid Charles.

I was also the mom who tried for years to speak up for her child, get him the … Read more...

Suicide Prevention: Ask the Question

Steven Boyd, producer/director, for Henrico County TV filmed this video focused on suicide loss survivors and suicide attempt survivors and how we can prevent suicide. It’s very well done.

In this video:

Suicide and Mental Health Facts

  • Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the US
  • In Virginia, suicide is the
… Read more...

Mental illness and addiction need to be treated together

dual diagnosis

So many times, I’d take Charles somewhere for treatment and they’d draw a line in the sand between mental illness and drug abuse/addiction. Everything seemed to be treated separately although they most always seem to happen together.

Substance use disorder is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) as a mental illness. Mental and emotional symptoms of alcoholism exist long before the grave physical complications of the disease appear.

In a study of 133 of those with substance use disorder, 93% met the criteria for one or more psychiatric disorders other than substance abuse. Depressions … Read more...

Teens wiping out mental health stigma

stigma fighters
Stigma fighters Alex Chaffee and Amy Lacey of ABC News
See the video on Channel 8

Like me, they’ve had enough.

They see no logic in the tradition of mental health stigma. Such a lousy, pointless tradition.

They are tired of classmates suffering. They are tired of being silent.

Now that the wave has started, I predict that we’ll have a whole new attitude toward stigma by next year this time.

Thanks to Alex Chaffee and other teens I will be highlighting here on this blog. And there are a lot more in this area speaking up and not tolerating … Read more...

Reporters looking for people that fit this criteria

suicide prevention

Reporting guidelines from AFSP are here.

For stories on the topic of suicide awareness and suicide screening, two local Richmond VA reporters are looking for people that fit this criteria.

1. For the subject of suicide screening, one is interested in talking with a family member of someone who took his/her life not long after visiting PCP or pediatrician. Three months would be the criteria. This is in Richmond Virginia and surrounding areas. We are not looking to accuse a medical practice or doctor. The focus is to emphasize that studies show that 80% of those who take their … Read more...

I’m running out of time, the feeling of despair is unbearable

cry for help

By Luis

This from a 21 year old feeling the despair of suicidal thoughts. He gave permission for me to post it here. He commented on my You Tube page and I saw it. The emotional pain of these thoughts that attack someone’s brain is so naked and so painful. Your worst day times 100. Fortunately, this young man survived by sticking it out and talking. He told me Charles’ Video saved his life. 

When I was just 15 years old I was attacked and stabbed in the head and neck area twice by a random man (I was walking … Read more...

What’s a teen to do?

A friend of yours is depressed,
Cutting, binging, purging, drugging,
Suffering suicidal thoughts,
And you don’t know what to do.

You’re not supposed to fix this,
But you also can’t dismiss it.
You have ears,
I know you do,
I’ve seen them attached
To your hairdo.
I know you’re able to listen,
It’s so easy to do!

You can encourage that peer
To tell an adult that she holds dear.
It might just be a mother,
A sister or a brother,
A teacher or a preacher,
Or the aunt with a hair transplant.

Then there’s always cousin Ed
who wears … Read more...

A morbid list

the listWhen I found out Charles was addicted to heroin and he was out of the house due to having walked out of detox, the fear that he would die overtook my life. I could barely function. I was immobilized by fear. There were times I had trouble breathing. No amount of yoga and running was doing it for me and I had to find some relief to the relentless premonitions, fear and despair.

So I made a list. What if he did die? What would I do first? So it had three things on it which I struggle to remember … Read more...