Timeboy1408 and Madeline

My name is Madeline. I’m a 19 year old girl from Massachusetts.

I sat down at a computer the other day, and suddenly I thought about a YouTube channel name that I frequented as a kid when I was 12 years old or so.

Timeboy1408. It was your son’s channel.

I remember spending many nights laughing and enjoying his videos. He got me through some really tough times. And though I never met your son, I had a huge crush on him.

Eventually he had stopped using that channel and I figured he had just quit YouTube. I mentioned that channel to a friend tonight and we did some research.

We found his rap YouTube channel. And then googled his name. Which has lead us here. I am very sad to hear about your son’s passing. I felt like I would just reach out and remind you, your son was a great man, who really did make an impact in other’s lives. He helped me through so much.

I went through much of your website last night, and it’s easy to see that you’re a very strong woman. I guess what I had hoped would happen when I snooped around for information about Charles, was that I would find a new YouTube channel and see him happy and making the same hilarious videos. And if I did find him I was going to be reaching out just to let him know that he helped me through a lot.

The shock last night was absolutely incredible. My friend and I had been researching for almost an hour before we found out. Part of me still doesn’t want to grasp it because in a few ways it feels like I’ve lost an old friend.

Around the time that I was watching your son’s videos, I was struggling with mental illness. But being only 12-13 years old, it’s hard to verbalize what I was going through.

I come from a broken home. My father was addicted to pain killers. He has since gotten clean. I made several attempts on my life around this point in time. I would often self harm as a method of coping. My mom and I never saw eye to eye and I would get kicked out of my home often. I can’t tell you how many times I ended up sleeping in the woods by my house.

My mom has just recently developed a drug problem and kicked me out back in June for telling her that I was worried and maybe she should get some help.

I’m fine now, with a roof over my head and a job, but as a kid I never thought I’d live to see 19. In the past few weeks my major depressive disorder has been absolute hell and maybe that’s why your son came to mind, because he always did make me laugh.

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Does losing a child by suicide hurt more?

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am an emotionally naked TEDx speaker, and author of the Book, Diary of a Broken Mind. I raised two boys, Richard and Charles, and lost my youngest son, Charles to substance use disorder and suicide June 5, 2015. I help people foster a culture of connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. My motivational, training and workshop topics include suicide prevention, addiction, mental illness, and grief. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website. Trained in ASIST and trainer for the evidence-based 4-hour training for everyone called safeTALK.

7 thoughts on “Timeboy1408 and Madeline”

  1. Hi Anne,
    Just a few minutes ago, I was feeling nostalgic and decided to watch some videos that I enjoyed as a kid. I stumbled upon timeboy1408, who was one of my favorite youtubers back then. I decided to google him to see what he was up to nowadays; if I could find him anywhere other than youtube, since he hasn’t been active in a while. I found this article and couldn’t believe it. I’m so sorry this happened, and I’d like you to know he brought much joy to my friends and I, we were obsessed with him and his videos. We had many laughs, our favorite video was I Kissed a Squirrel. What a great sense of humor he had. I too feel like I’ve lost an old friend, his videos never failed to entertain since we discovered him 8 years ago.
    Thank you for writing these articles, I admire your willingness to share his story and spread awareness.
    Best,
    Heather B.

  2. Watching this video reminds me of all the times Greg and Peter used to talk about Charles and his funny videos. That’s the Charles everyone knew..❤

  3. ps i just watched the video. so funny. so cute. your heart is breaking while you are laughing… i have some like that of whitten. but they were never meant for us to see, as he was very very private….

  4. sometimes i can’t decide whether it’s wonderful to read these things about your lost son, or awful. maybe it’s both at the same time. but i hate the word bittersweet. because it’s exquisitely painful to experience both at once.

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