“Let go, emotions flow, let it show and dissipate
This world is crushing me but I lift the weight
Look at star with a different face you’ll see tomorrow
The world will be a better place”
–Charles Aubrey Rogers, 1995-2015
Would I spend the money that we spent, upwards of $250k, again to try to save Charles life?
Would I have had Charles if I knew I’d only get him for 20 years?
He was a handful. And a joy.
He was a creative genius. He was impulsive.
He was affectionate. He was emotional.
He was the funniest, most charismatic person I ever met. He touched the lives of others. He made a difference that I did not realize until after he was gone. And he is still making a difference.
I often think about what I would’ve done differently. But I still don’t know the answer to that. Which tells me how complicated it is.
The truth is I cannot control another person and our lives were hell the last five years of his life.
Perhaps the things I did do, meant he stayed for 5 years more than I would’ve gotten otherwise.
Maybe we thwarted previous suicide attempts without knowing it.
All I know is that I am a richer person for having had him in my life.