Charles once wrote, “Through all the terror, I can catch beauty in a glimpse of hope.“
When I feel lost and broken, I think of that phrase. How could I possibly have hope after losing my son to suicide?
But something happened because of this tragedy.
My capacity for love grew. Which restored my hope in myself.
I realized I was vulnerable when my first child was born.
I realized I was breakable the day I lost my son Charles to depression.
As Charles once wrote, “Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.” And while my life was far from perfect before he died, my world was completely shattered after.
What happened? I had a direction. I had a plan. No one marked the land mines or sent off warning flares.
I didn’t know what breakable was until it happened. I lost any shred of innocence and naiveté I had left. My fairy Godmother didn’t come … Read more...
When Charles first died by suicide, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I was the mom that had bonfires and countless spend-the-nights and pizza parties. I was the “youtube” house. I was the mom of the funniest most popular kid in school. I was mom of an up-and-coming rap artist. I was the mom who kept condoms available in the boys’ bathroom for anyone in the neighborhood that wanted them–no questions asked. I was the mom of that zany, fun kid Charles.
I was also the mom who tried for years to speak up for her child, get him the … Read more...
Here’s what grief as the result of suicide loss can look like. The profound moments of joy are appreciated more, and savored longer. The feeling of love lies closer to the surface and most of us that have suffered this loss are more willing to reach out without worrying how it will be perceived. It’s real and it’s authentic.
Things matter less. Relationships matter more.
Thanks to Shirley Ramsey, I had the opportunity to connect with others who grieve the loss of a loved one by suicide and are passionate about the cause of suicide prevention at the American Foundation … Read more...
How do you get the worst news of your life and move forward? How do you weather a tragedy that alters your life so much you can’t see how you can survive? How do you find the strength to enjoy life after that? Will you ever laugh again?
At first, you are in shock, moving through a fog. It’s hard to put anything in order and you feel lost and in disbelief. But once you come out of the fog, you need to find your way and you have to fight for it. Because we only have one life and I want … Read more...