A morbid list

the listWhen I found out Charles was addicted to heroin and he was out of the house due to having walked out of detox, the fear that he would die overtook my life. I could barely function. I was immobilized by fear. There were times I had trouble breathing. No amount of yoga and running was doing it for me and I had to find some relief to the relentless premonitions, fear and despair.

So I made a list. What if he did die? What would I do first? So it had three things on it which I struggle to remember … Read more...

Imagine living with a premonition that your child is going to die?

I can’t predict things. But I do get premonitions. They just hit me like a lightening bolt. Most the time it’s just random stuff. Usually not a death although those are the ones I remember the most. I’ve actually had only three death ones and one of those was Charles.

I had no clue how he would die. That wasn’t part of the premonition. The suicide was a complete shock. Often my premonitions are mundane enough–like I am going to win a prize or a friend is going to have a flat tire. My mom used to call me the “witch”– but not in … Read more...