by Astro
My name is Astro and I have the best job in the world as a service dog to a human named Helyn who was in the army.
She suffers from PTSD and vertigo. She must have seen some bad things in the army way before we were family. I know she did because she has days that she shakes a lot. And I lay my head on her knee and look up at her to comfort her. Because I am good at that.
I go with her everywhere. We are a team but we are much more than … Read more...
Every time I hear a parent has lost someone to suicide, I breaks my heart to think of the journey ahead of them.
Those feelings that your love was not enough to keep your child here.
Those feelings that your child made a choice to leave you.
Those thoughts that you could have done something to prevent this and the awful recurring coulda, woulda, shouldas that plague you for days, months and even years after.
The fear of not knowing what lies ahead or how to manage life going forward. How do you keep a job? How do you stay married? … Read more...
I am sorry you are feeling such pain you want to kill yourself and write a final letter to your loved ones. It must be so awful to feel that bad.
If you are looking up how to write a suicide note, then you must have people who love you. Not everyone does.
I can only tell you how I felt when I lost my son, Charles, to suicide. … Read more...
December 7, 1992, Pearl Harbor day, Richard was born. He was a tough birth with agonizing back labor and he came out sunny side up with a true knot in his umbilical cord. That child did flips in my uterus. Literally.
But he was OK. He was an infant athlete and could hold up his head and scrunch crawl the day we got home. By six months, Richard was talking in full sentences. By seven months, he was walking. It was so funny seeing a toddler walk under tables.
Richard got little attention from us his senior year in high … Read more...
by Paul Buskey
Suicide. Most people cannot comprehend. You should be grateful if you’re one of them.
I’m happy for you but don’t throw words out like “selfish” and “crazy” to describe someone who has suffered thoughts of suicide. How are you able to comment and pass a judgment if you don’t understand? Have you lived in those shoes? Thoughts of suicide are most often the result of an illness just as real as a physical one.
Let’s make something clear first. I’m not a danger to myself so please don’t call the cavalry. I’m not looking for sympathy or … Read more...
To Alexis in North Carolina, this video note is for you young lady. I am hoping I got to you in time. Thanks for being so brave and leaving the comment you did on my website. That is a courageous first step.
Comment below. Charles, please watch over her. (I know that’s crazy but we moms who’ve lost a child talk to our kids and think they hear.)
Strong emotional content and suicide method referenced. If you are in crisis, text “help” to 741-741 or call 988
These are the comments that make me cry. Crying from joy. These are people who found this blog from Google searches. Unbelievable messages of hope that I wanted to share. There are now thousands of comments. So many good ones.
The name will take you right to the comment. The headline will take you to the post.
Tonight I was contemplating on ending my life. Feeling depressed, sad, defeated and just plain tired. … Read more...
Charles once wrote, “Through all the terror, I can catch beauty in a glimpse of hope.“
When I feel lost and broken, I think of that phrase. How could I possibly have hope after losing my son to suicide?
But something happened because of this tragedy.
My capacity for love grew. Which restored my hope in myself.
You must be so bored with all my posts about suicide, addiction and mental illness. Why on earth would I continue to assault you with my tirade of posts, presentations and videos about these awful subjects? Why can’t I just get the hell over it? I mean all this shit is not going to bring back my precious son, right?
I lived this insipid system known as the mental health system. Endured criticism, lack of support and humiliation and shame from the people I expected and paid to help us. I lost a child because of it.
Most of you … Read more...
Charles was found dead in an apartment on Monument Avenue.
The most coveted street in Richmond–a gorgeous avenue lined with million dollar row houses and manicured little yards on cobblestone streets. There is an apartment building there where he died that is seedy and unkept. But from the outside? It looks normal, almost stately.
I’ve never been there. Will I ever go? I can’t say.
All I know is that it’s not far from the Golden Goat, the pawn shop where Charles sold his bike and computer, his last possessions. I still … Read more...
I did appreciate the opportunity to present on this topic, “Addiction and Mental Illness: Injustices to our youth” to share why Virginia ranks 46th for treating youth mental health.
That means 7 out of 10 most at risk for dropping out of school, struggling with relationships, ending up in prison, becoming addicted or dying by suicide, do not get the care they need.
I began with my story about my son Charles who died by suicide and talked about the injustices we faced as a middle class family and what I’ve seen are the gaps in a flawed system of … Read more...
by Tammie Ozolins
It remember it so clearly. It was during my college years and I had been out drinking with my friends, a weekend routine back then. I ended up feeling very depressed. I had been on an antidepressant but I still drank and my boyfriend and I got into a fight that night.
I cannot remember what it was about but I remember feeling like I had had enough. I didn’t like myself back then. In my eyes, nothing was right–not my hair, my body or my intelligence. In my eyes I had … Read more...
Comparing your life with that of another can put you in a constant state of unhappiness.
With the advent of social media, the feeling of inadequacy compared to others is often compounded.
Those of us whose children suffer/suffered from addiction or mental illness have, at some point, compared our shattered, roller-coaster lives with others whose … Read more...
Thoughts of suicide are relentlessly slamming your brain and it feels as if it will never stop. But it will subside. Because all feelings are temporary and no crisis is permanent. I did not write this post to make you feel guilty. I wrote it so you understand what it’s like from a suicide loss survivor.
The world would not be a better place. Your family would be in agony. Hardly able to function. Friends and family would think they did something wrong and beat themselves up for the clues they missed.
Horror, anger, guilt, sadness, … Read more...
By Jule, Germany, Age 16
The first time I would say my life was severely shattered was on November 1, 2016, when I got the message that my very good friend Christian died by suicide.
I was shocked and heartbroken. I had seen him in the school hallway a day earlier. However, I did not cry a single tear. So many people from school started crying. I’ve even seen teachers crying.
But the thing I felt most was nothing. A giant emptiness that never really went away.
Over time I wondered if that was normal. People told me that I … Read more...
