How to write a suicide note

suicide note

  • U.S. Peer warm line: When you call, you talk to someone like you who has also been hurting and wanted to end it at one point in their lives: 1-866-400-6428
  • U.S. Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
  • U.S. Crisis text line 741-741
  • Suicide hotlines for other countries

I am sorry you are feeling such pain you want to kill yourself and write a final letter to your loved ones. It must be so awful to feel that bad.

If you are looking up how to write a suicide note, then you must have people who love you. Not everyone does.

I can only tell you how I felt when I lost my son, Charles, to suicide. I was devastated.   I still am. I  wish he had told me how he was feeling. I wish he had written me a message about his pain instead of a suicide note. Here are some things I want you to know.

1. Your pain is real

2. Having thoughts of suicide does not mean you are weak or a “coward.” Those are phrases from people who do not understand

3. You deserve treatment and support and should not be shamed or judged

4. I know you don’t want thoughts of suicide. No one wants to feel that way

5. It is great news you are still here and you have survived so far

6. Right now, I’m going to encourage you to ask someone for help. Or write a note to someone about how you are feeling.

There is also a link to an article I wrote about how to tell someone you are thinking of suicide.

 

So you are contemplating suicide…

Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and my book, Diary of a Broken Mind, will be published in the fall. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website

45 thoughts on “How to write a suicide note”

  1. Hey, I feel like I am going to be the wet blanket of the commentators, but… I have hit the point where leaving makes more sense then staying. Distance from method and worry for others so far has stalled me out of two attempts thus far, but that’s the thing, everytime you fail to carry it out, you are left at square one, a failure. “let our lives be short for our shame will be too long.” I have aspergers syndrome and suicidal thoughts since the age of 8, and they are not going away, they are not GOING to go away becasue this is brain wiring, its not something that can be ‘fixed.’ And as far as the social metrics that force you to hate yourself and live in shame, time to time, the very people you want to stay alive fore the sake of become active participants in those very metrics. they are supportive of you and consistent, until they are not. that’s the reality, they believe in ideals they hold you to till they decide to break them.

    You look for the things that bring you fulfillment, but you need much investment in those things in order to actually survive, even in acquiring a marketable and rare trade skill, you still are paid below a living wage simply becasue your so-called “empathetic employer” can. you are too far gone to pursue the dream you put off, you have no significant others or off-spring to worry about, and the world is getting shittier with or without you. “if you weren’t here, everything would just go one anyway, that what you learn then why do you stay?” I have asked myself that question and honestly its always a fool’s hope a gamble and a hope to find fulfillment and acceptance, all fall short of the metric everyone else is a part of. There is no socially acceptable space to talk about your pain, or to have pain at all, everything needs to be light, or hunky dory, the 60s nuclear family, or a fucking disney movie, no one has the stones to simply REAL!

    So you bottle it up to spare everyone else discomfort, this becomes the natural result. People NEED a natural not artificial consequence to actually learn, otherwise they will rationalize it and not learn a thing. The taking of hope from others the judging and the metrics in which we are measured by, its going to lead to this, and it shouldn’t be shamed. You make think its cowardly but honestly its as ultimate a show of agency as a person can demonstrate. Its the only way to take their lives back from the world, taking away its punching bag ruining its fun. We are humans, we kill, we bully, we torture, we exploit, demonize enslave and yet are totally cool with it largely, yet for some reason everyone seems unanimous against people ending their participation in that cycle. we’re taking away their fun, revealing just how shit things really are. its the only way humanity fucking learns.

    If the pain outweighs the gain, what’s the point? yes, I worry it will hurt family, but I have told them about my pain, how they went out of their way to push me to the brink the two times I attempted. if they think I am being dramatic, this is the reason to commit.

    I am doing one last made blind stab int he dark for a hopeful change, chances are slim, but I am trying. if not… well I have a note with my account numbers for my mother back at home. its a shitty thing to gamble on, but everyone says there’s reason to live, and never elaborate.

    1. I have to say that you are a brilliant writer. Maybe that’s an odd thing to say right now but you express yourself so well I can feel it. This sentence especially “There is no socially acceptable space to talk about your pain, or to have pain at all, everything needs to be light, or hunky dory, the 60s nuclear family, or a fucking disney movie, no one has the stones to simply REAL!” I totally get that.

      After my son killed himself I wanted to point blank shoot people who gave me some sunny promise he was “in a better place.” To a mom, there is no place better than next to me on earth. And I wanted to say, “Well let’s just see if that holds true. Maybe you tell yours to do himself in so he can be in a better place.” Of course I didn’t The bitter side of me wanted to. I am now admitting to you that I had those thoughts which I’m not proud of. Here’s the thing. How I got through my shitty days after my son’s suicide, and Good God it was BRUTAL for three years is believing I would. Somehow.

      I felt like I had something to leave in terms of a legacy and I was not done. Right now, reading what you’ve wrote, I feel you have something more important to do before dying. No one understands those who have autism. They don’t get that you really do feel. I know you do. And clearly you express it here. I want you to write for me. for this site. This is a site where you can keep it real. The ripple effect of your leaving will be far more reaching than you’d ever imagine. Not that that should be your only incentive. But you have talent. There is only one you. And if you leave you take all of that with you.

  2. Hello my name is James I’m 43 my wife and I recently seperated in February 2019. We’ve been married for 15 years. We have 3 children together. Since this separation I’ve relized how I messed this marriage up. I didn’t always cover my wife and children with love. I was controlling angry, critical. I verbally abused my wife and children. Since this has all happened I’ve started to go to counseling and learned that I have ADD and started getting treated for it as well as anxiety. I have been working on being a better father and hopefully a better husband. My wife has placed a protective order against me and has stated to family and friends several times that she is done 15 years is long enough she’s not taking me back. Like I said I started to get help I have been trying to fight for my marriage and family trying to trust God that he will restore my marriage and family. I’m losing hope I think she maybe already seeing another man? I’ve been thinking that I’m better off not being here. I have to go through supervised visitations the state that we live in has cleared me of any neglect and harm to my children. I’m ready to meet my maker! I messed thia marriage up and I’m so sorry If I could have 10 minutes of that February night back? God only knows. Thanks for listening.

    1. James that is heartbreaking and I feel your pain in your words. I am so sorry you are going through this. Furthermore I am so glad you are getting help. Ask your therapist is there is a men’s support group. I know how much it has helped me. Accepting that we can’t change how another feels or an outcome is hard. So let’s first look at what you have. One you have two children and although supervised, you get to see them. Can you make them the focus for now? How would they feel if you died? You may not think it matters or that you matter. But I can tell you that when I lost my son I would never survive.

      Each day I woke up I told myself it would never be as bad as getting the news and I just told myself I would survive. I didn’t know how but I told myself I would figure it out. And I told myself that one day I would love again, live again, laugh again. Keep working on you right now. Give yourself credit for something seventy five percent of your gender would never do and that’s get help. Your are welcome to reply. I will answer.

  3. You’re a very kind person, Anne. It’s very sweet of you to take the time to try and keep people from making the mistake and ending their lives. But I would like to share my current feelings as well.

    I’m a 15 year old girl and I’ve been dealing with anxiety and low self esteem for a while now. It’s only getting worse and I’m pretty sure I have depression. I’ve been so stressed in school, not just with work but also because of low self esteem and my anxiety. I’m always tired, not just physically tired but also mentally tired. I literally hate myself in every way. I feel so ugly and disgusting, I can’t even look in the mirror because it makes me sick. I make myself want to throw up. Thankfully, I have a lot of friends who always tell me that they think I’m beautiful, but I don’t believe them at all. I feel like I’m annoying and not worth anything. I feel like I cause so much stress in my family and things would be better if I just didn’t exist. But at the same time, I fear death. So I’m not sure if I’m really suicidal, but today I did write a suicide note. I wasn’t actually going to kill myself, I just wanted to see what I would say if I were to make a suicide letter. Let’s just say it broke my heart reading my own letter. I’ve been raised in a broken family, but I love all of my sisters and they’re always for me. I honestly continue to live for others, but not for my own being. But it seems I have gotten more sad and I always feel alone because I never get to see my sisters since they have all moved out, including the sister I’m closest too. I now live with my dad and my two younger siblings and it’s honestly chaos. My dad isn’t the best father and he makes it hard to live with. I just sit in my room and cry most of the time, wondering if life is even worth it. I’m sorry I feel this way but I really needed to get it off my chest. Thank you so much Anne for what you’re doing, and if you’re someone who’s planning on killing themselves, please don’t. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but you’re not alone. All of us are going through things and if you can’t find a purpose, maybe our purpose is to help each other through this world. Thank you for taking the time to read this (:

    1. Hali. This is so beautiful. I am so sorry you suffer from depression. I would like to use this as a blog post using only your first name. Let me know if that’s ok. You have such an important message here. It’s hard to believe it was written by a fifteen year old. It hemorrhages beauty. So even not seeing you, I think you are beautiful for opening your soul.

      By the way, My niece and I will be writing an ebook to help students start a mental wellness club. She suffers from depression and has told me it was the single most important thing she did.

      1. Thank you so much Anne! And of course you can use this as a blog post! That means so much to me that you think it’s so beautiful it’s worth to post as a blog <3.

        And you’re writing an ebook? That’s amazing! I wish you two luck on it and I hope your niece gets through her tough battles of depression. Tell her that I also am suffering, but I know me and her can get through it. I have faith in her (:

        1. I have written several ebooks and a real book. The real book, Diary of a Broken Mind, comes out in October 2019. Thank you for allowing me the honor to use your beautiful words. They radiate hope and I hope you can get the help and support you need. Because depression is an illness like any other someone might suffer and it needs to be treated. We need people like you.

  4. I am so sick of these random people telling me I matter. They don’t know me, their opinion is meaningless as it changes nothing about my situation, and they lie to me. Nothing can change my mind from going through with this, and all I want is to say bye properly. You told me you know how, but you don’t. Can anyone tell me before I just skip it and go hang myself already?

    1. I don’t know what it’s like to feel the pain you do. I only know the pain of having lost someone to suicide. And I know people who have attempted and are now grateful they are alive. Feelings are temporary. Joy, sadness, anger. It’s a long shot we are all born. And once you go, you take your potential with you. I am not a random person. I don’t put myself in that category. I have endured too much. But I have also managed to move forward, integrating the sadness of having lost my son. I can’t control you or any other human being. But this page is my effort to make people hesitate. I hope you will too.

  5. Just reading through comments thinking I can find a way to stop this suicide thoughts from my head but all I can say is it’s not working. There are times I hang out with a friend thinking I’ll feel better about my life but once they’re gone, I come back to being alone with dark thoughts running through my head. I cry almost every night and I’m crying writing this. I have a pen and a paper, about to write a suicide note but all I can see online is sites telling me not to kill myself. I’ve been battling depression for more than 3 years now and the only thing that keeps me going is me thinking of everything will be better and I’ll be in a better place but it’s taking much time. I don’t have plenty friends to talk to and laugh with because I’m a private person. I’m a loner. There’s this insecticide in my room I’m thinking of getting a knife and cutting the lid so as to pour it in a cup to drink. There’s no blade, would have cut my wrist. Lol… I guess this is my suicide note after all

    1. Oh I hope I got to you in time. You do matter. To me even though I don’t know you. My son felt that way when he was alone. I didn’t know. I wish so much he would have told me. But he didn’t. I wish he would have allowed himself to be treated because it does work. But he didn’t Mental illness can be treated. I hope you give life a chance. Come back and let me know how you are please.

  6. I am in an immense amount of pain. Physically. Cant do anything about it without losing my job. I have been divorced twice and have 5 kids that 2 of them like having me around but the others ask when I am going away. I am supposed to pick my youngest up from daycare today and I just want to go take the information to my ex and give her that and a note and tell her I love her and I’m sorry and end it. I want to write out to my kids that it isn’t their fault. I want to write to friends I walked away from years ago and explain. I dont want help anymore. I’m tired of being tired and dont want to go through with this fight anymore

    1. Jim I am so sorry you are in such pain. I do so appreciate your taking time to write your comment and share with me the intensity of your feelings both emotional and physical. My son was in both physical and in emotional pain–a horrific combination. I hope that somewhere inside you something happens today, even if it’s a small thing, that rekindles that pilot light of hope. I’m pulling for you, even if you are not right now.

  7. I am 10 yrs old nobody cares about at all I have no friends I want to kill myself I’m crying at night what do I do

    1. John I am so sorry. You sound so miserable. Can you tell an adult how you are feeling? You can keep commenting here. I am here to listen. Please stay with us. How you feel can be treated so you are not so miserable.

      There is also the text crisis line 741-741.

  8. I want to commit suicide because I don’t have objectives in life, for any reason I don’t have passions or goals to be alive for. I don’t have friends, only some colleagues that pretend to be worried about me, but actually my death would affect them very little. They don’t care about my life actually, they were learnt that good Christians have to care about anyone’s welfare, it is nothing personal.
    What’s the reason for keeping live for no reason, just because we’ve learnt that living is correct.
    When I was a child I was used to dream about having a family with wife and children and a good career, that didn’t happen specially because I am gay and I have a empty box of dreams.
    I wish soon I have enough courage to take my own live. I’ll be sorry for the few people that care about me, but that’s life, some day it would happened.

    1. Verissimo- First, thank you for taking time to comment and tell me how you are feeling. I hear that you are not feeling worthwhile and I am sorry you feel that way. I’m going to tell you that I care and you are welcome to tell me more. The ones who do care about you will never get over it. That much I know. Let me know your age and if you have a partner. If you are OK with that.

  9. I’m trying to figure out the best way to wright a suicuide note and somehow it brought me here can someone give me advice or point me in the right direction? The sooner I get this done the sooner I can get this over with!

  10. My mom always says to study. I don’t want to study. Every time I try to study I get frustrated. I have nothing choice left other than suicide.

    1. Rashik. School is boring these days. It’s because of the standardized testing. That will change in the next few years as it always does. Please stay with us. I understand your pain and the pressure from parents these days for achieving. It is overwhelming. If you check out you take your gifts with you and we are cheated out of you and what you can offer the world.

      1. My college trimming is soo long
        I have not any way to join. It was 20 km long..
        And i have not any facility to go to my college.. due to certain issues…
        My college trimming is 7am to 7pm…
        What i will study or do extra work on remaining time..

  11. Just because I looked up how to write a suicide letter does not mean I have people who care about me. Not even close. But that does not mean I hate them. You can have someone hurt you badly and still care about them. Trust me…I do not deserve to live any longer…I am a burden and a failure…no one cares…not even the crisis help line… I am sorry about your son I know what it is like to lose someone you love too.

  12. Hi. I want to commit a suicide as the situation of me and my wife is not at all good. She has left me about a week ago. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die that’s it.

    1. Oh Divanshu I am so sorry. I can understand why you are devastated. That’s a major change in your life and you are grieving. I wanted to die after my son’s death because I just couldn’t see how I was going to survive after his death. But little by little, I did come back to life. I wrote a lot which is why this site has over a thousand posts in two years. I ran a lot, too. It took a while, I went to a lot of support groups with other people but I finally feel like I do want to live. I hope you do, too. My soul is rooting for you. There is only one you and if you died you would take all those gifts with you. Do reply to let me know you are OK for now.

        1. I usually tell young people to write it in a letter. You have to be very definite and here’s why. Because as parents, we just can’t believe things would be so bad, our child would want to kill themselves. It takes a while for it to sink in and for them to realize it’s real. That’s because we as parents think we are doing a reasonably good job and tend to take it personally at first even though it has to do with a chemical imbalance in the brain. This is an article I wrote that offers some instruction on how to tell a parent and write that letter. https://themighty.com/2016/12/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-want-to-die/

          If they STILL are not on board with helping you find help, reach out to a school counselor or teacher or an adult you like and trust.

          You can call and talk to someone just like you who has felt just as you do. Here is the national one. This is a peer network. 1-866-400-6428

          There is also a crisis text line: 741-741. And I’m just saying if that feeling hits you before that letter gets written. Or in that moment, come back here and comment. I might answer a few hours later but I will answer.

          Thank you for having the courage. And it is very brave.

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