Why didn’t I ask, ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’

I wish I had asked charles this question. Why didn’t I?

One, because honestly, it didn’t occur to me to ask it.

Given the number of evaluations he had that indicated he was “high risk” I should have. But again, no one defined what that meant exactly and I am guilty of never asking for specific clarification. Fear of the answer?

If I had the opportunity for a replay how would I ask this question?

I am not a mental health professional and this blog post is a personal reflection on what I wish I had done

• If you

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Has a loved one’s suicide made you angry?

anger blinds and burns strong suicideI do understand anger as it relates to suicide.

I didn’t feel very angry but I do know that Richard, my oldest son did.

I wrote this article on The Mighty and in one of the comments, Marie states how angry she is that her husband killed himself and left her to raise two children.

suicide-anger

I would never try and invalidate her feelings and I can understand why she feels the way she does.

Then Diane, one of the followers here, sent me a note about being angry that her mom killed herself when she was 8. She is currently … Read more...

Relentless

never-give-up

Guilty as charged. Part of my charm.

This one is for those of you who turn away because the subject of suicide  is too much.

You don’t want to read my posts.

You do sometimes with one eye shut.

They make you squirm.

They make you uncomfortable.

They make you sad.

They make you cry.

They are too raw.

You don’t want to be reminded that this awful thing happened to someone.  It’s your worse nightmare and you fear the same might happen to you.

Or you think it couldn’t possibly happen to you. It doesn’t touch your life so … Read more...

Video: Forgive me momma – by Charles Aubrey Rogers

Charles would rather Eminem or Cage be performing this rap. But I don’t know their numbers.

Since 8th grade, rap was Charles’ lifeline. He wrote it, performed it and it helped him deal with his depression and his addiction. I’m not talking about the crap rap that is commercially popular, I’m talking about soulful kind that represents the root of the genre.

He never shared his raps with me and other than the ones online. I saw them only after he died. He knew I’d be alarmed. I called his notebooks his Rap Diaries and in those pages, I … Read more...

My dad was an addict because I wasn’t the ideal daughter

Self blame. Confusion. Loss of self esteem. Those are the results of silence. This letter is from a friend of a friend who is about 20 years old. Young people do want to talk about mental illness, addiction and suicide. But they won’t if you don’t. 

My best friend growing up was Jaimie Smith.* I’ll consider her my sister always. So I see you on her page often and read your blog here and there because I know how much your son’s death affected her.original

I just wanna reach out and thank you for posting what you do because most … Read more...

Take Mental Illness and Suicide out of the Silos of Silence

My family suffered the triple stigma with our son – depression, addiction and death by suicide. Stigma can exist only in an environment where judgment and lack of education thrive. Which is precisely why we need to talk about them. Openly and without judgment.

I am stripping away the façade and hitting taboo subjects head on. The death of my son Charles Aubrey Rogers by suicide in June of 2015 taught me that.

Everybody has a story. Everybody has struggles. A visible success does not make any life perfect. And you know by now what can go on behind closed … Read more...

Camo Heart – #griefheart number 52

On this memorial day, we honor those we’ve lost in battle as well as those we’ve lost to internal battles.

There is no camouflaging the high suicide rate for both active duty troops and veterans which is roughly 50% higher than the national rate. Twenty two veterans every day die by suicide.

Transitioning to life after service is difficult and PTSD, depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses plague our troops and veterans. Thank you Nancy Smith, Westover Hills neighbor, who invited me into her home to use the military medal and the background.

What is the #griefheart project?

I … Read more...

To those who need it now, don’t let that pilot light of hope burn out

through all the terror i can find beauty and a glimpse of hope

Suicide is loss of hope.

And certainly after you lose a child by suicide, your sense of hope is hard to find.  What do you do after you lose one of the people that gives your life meaning?

The pain of losing my child by suicide was relentless at first until I just went numb and catatonic. That numbness is your body’s only defense to the onslaught of unbearable agony.

Yet through all that despair, I desperately held onto that tiny shred of hope that was going to keep me alive, keep me moving forward. I held onto it with … Read more...

Top 10 posts in the last 6 weeks on annemoss.com

This is from April 16 until May 28. I started the blog at the very end of January.to 10 taboo posts

Here is the list from last time.

These are ranked by the number of visits from Google analytics so it’s basically your top ten.  I added a bonus #11 because although it’s Charles’ work which is important to me.

The one that ranks #1 is the one I thought no one would ever read or want to read. It was so cleansing for me to let go of it and not have it swirl around in my head all the time.… Read more...

When suicide comes from out of nowhere. Remembering Maggie Moyler

by Charlotte Moyler

Maggie Moyler, 17. This was taken 2 weeks before her suicide
Maggie Moyler, 17. This was taken 2 weeks before her suicide

Note from Anne Moss: Charlotte Moyler is a suicide loss survivor and founder of Suicide Loss Survivor Group in Williamsburg, VA. Until now, she had not gone public with her story.

—————–

We called her Pie, our little Magpie.

Born in January 1994 and adopted into our family when she was less that two days old. Maggie was an answered prayer and so much more! She was the daughter I longed for after 14 years of marriage. She was tiny and full of energy!

She … Read more...