Previous loss helped me build resilience

By Jule, Germany, Age 16

The first time I would say my life was severely shattered was on November 1, 2016, when I got the message that my very good friend Christian died by suicide.

I was shocked and heartbroken. I had seen him in the school hallway a day earlier. However, I did not cry a single tear. So many people from school started crying. I’ve even seen teachers crying.

But the thing I felt most was nothing. A giant emptiness that never really went away.

Over time I wondered if that was normal. People told me that I was so strong but I felt everything but strong.

I had never hoped to feel like this again but my life was completely shattered once more on September 3, 2017 (I’m a person for dates, maybe you can tell).

On that day, a woman I had never seen forcibly entered our house to inform me and my dad that my mother was having an affair with her husband and had recently bought a house with him without his knowing.

My frustrated dad obviously threw her out of the house, and in one day, I became a divorce kid. At the age of 16 and a half, when I least expected it.

This time, I did cry. But my father cried even more. And he had nobody else to comfort him but me. So I spent more time helping him with his heartbreak than dealing with my own.

And guess which feeling came back after around a day?

Nothingness. Numbness.

Everything was the same as last year, just a completely different situation, the grief of losing family as I had known it previously. But I didn’t wonder anymore. For some reason, the terrible loss of my friend had prepared me to survive my parents’ very sudden divorce.

There’s always too sides to everything I guess, and what breaks you might eventually help you heal.

My deepest regret

2 thoughts on “Previous loss helped me build resilience”

  1. Julie, I’m sorry you have experienced such pain and profound loss. You are brave to share your life with us and we appreciate your openness. I do believe things in life can prepare us for handling what is to come, but I hope you will be able to rest for a while, grieve as you need to and have some time of rebuilding your reserves of strength before it is needed again. Thank you for sharing with us… ❤️

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