I still struggle

Right after Charles’ suicide, the only way I got through those first few weeks after my family left was to remind myself that it will never hurt as much as it did when we got that unbearable news.

A few months later I thought “getting better” or moving forward would mean I wouldn’t read more

Heart wall— #griefheart number 265

Heart Wall

I recently visited a contact at SCAN, Stop Child Abuse Now, and when I walked back to her office, I saw this wall. A heart wall, all painted by children who have suffered some kind of trauma.

I liked the fact they were all together making a statement, the group of them all bright and colorful. By themselves, read more

Dangling heart— #griefheart number 262

Dangling heart

When I was in Zurich this summer, I looked out my hotel window and spotted this and I immediately thought– “dangling heart.”

It feels that way sometimes. Like my heart is dangling precipitously over a giant hole and in danger of dropping into a crevice and getting buried, never to read more

Virginia is for lovers— #griefheart number 258

virginia is for lovers
Virginia is for lovers

This is my husband’s first #griefheart donation. He saw it while walking the dog in the neighborhood. This one resonates because Charles loved Richmond, Virginia.

When we had to send him away for therapeutic boarding school, he was homesick. He wanted to come home to Richmond.

When we sent him read more

Connected heart— #griefheart number 242

Connected heart

A new friend in the neighborhood had me and two other ladies for dinner tonight. She had sent me this heart previously, having seen it in Chickahominy which is in Hanover, Virginia. Three of the four of us at dinner lost a child to suicide. It’s always nice to be able to talk openly on the subject read more

Cookie cutter heart— #griefheart number 238

Cookie cutter heart

Charles was the farthest thing from “cookie cutter” and he hated the phrase “politically correct.”  He could be pretty out there in terms of his point of view. He was a crazy idealist who had a perfect solution on how to fix social injustice. It was part of his charm.

I loved read more

Lobster heart— #griefheart number 236

Lobster heart

Charles loved lobster and one of his favorite restaurants was Red Lobster. It wasn’t until he was a teenager that he came to appreciate it. Both of us were a little freaked out that we’d see the live crustaceans at the entrance that would soon be someone’s dinner.

He didn’t read more

Grief writes me a love letter

Dear Anne Moss,

I didn’t mean to hurt you. I numbed you at first because I had to protect you. One can take only so much pain and agony at once.

I watched you in your agonizing moments knowing that these would be building blocks to emotional healing. You suffered under my weight and tried read more

The Emotional ICU known as grief

From Anne Moss. Logan suffered from anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and an eating disorder.

By Tamara Rollinson

Logan Neale died in an accidental truck crash in July 2016 at 19. He suffered from mental illness and was very open about his struggles

Grief hits you on many levels. Loss of a job. Loss of a marriage. Death of your parents, friends and loved ones. Death is final. No turning back.

Done. Forever in this life time.

There read more

Lucky hearts – #griefheart number 179

Lucky hearts
Lucky hearts

Lucky because I was fortunate enough to have a child as funny and spectacular as Charles who is still inspiring me even after his death.

Lucky enough to be able to answer the ‘why’ as it relates to his suicide because he left me the gift of his lyrics.

Lucky enough to have the support of read more