Remember when I was on the other side?

“Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.”
—Charles Aubrey Rogers, from the rap song, Hell on Earth

I can hardly remember the days before I lost Charles. And when I do, it feels like a lifetime ago. Centuries even. How did my life get divided in half like that?  Like my other life is a book all by itself, sitting on another shelf in some other house.

What was I like? Did I know to ask moms about their children after they died? And did I ever say things like, “He is in a better place?” Was … Read more...

I still struggle

Right after Charles’ suicide, the only way I got through those first few weeks after my family left was to remind myself that it will never hurt as much as it did when we got that unbearable news.

A few months later I thought “getting better” or moving forward would mean I wouldn’t think of him every day. Then that thought would frighten me. But I do think of him every day and now I know I always will.

There are so many times I feel like a kite on a tight string in a high wind flapping furiously in … Read more...

The day I realized I was breakable

I realized I was vulnerable when my first child was born.

I realized I was breakable the day I lost my son Charles to depression.

As Charles once wrote, “Life can crush your perfect world in under a second.” And while my life was far from perfect before he died, my world was completely shattered after.

What happened? I had a direction. I had a plan. No one marked the land mines or sent off warning flares.

I didn’t know what breakable was until it happened. I lost any shred of innocence and naiveté I had left. My fairy Godmother didn’t come … Read more...

Let’s talk about it: Life after loss of a loved one by suicide or overdose

I have been thinking about doing a Facebook Live event, say 30 minutes on the subject of life after the loss of a loved one who died from a stigmatized illness, specifically addiction or mental illness.

Talking points below. This is my first LIVE event and this is not a presentation, it’s an event where I want to hear from you. How it works is below. I will be limiting this to 30 minutes.

What else are you going to do in one hundred degree weather? (That’s for those on the east coast)

When?

Sunday, July 24 at 6:30pm EST… Read more...