Cheese Whiz heart— #griefheart number 234

Cheese Whiz heart

Hearts are everywhere. Even in the Cheese Whiz.

Charles loved cheese. Cheese sticks, cheese squares, cheese sandwiches, cheese quesadillas, Cheese-its, and Cheese Whiz–which he’d squirt directly into his mouth. I never bought Cheese Whiz by the way. But once he was 16, I could not prevent Cheese-Whiz purchases. His favorite cheese? Pepper jack which I bought in little squares.

Although I miss my youngest son, I don’t miss the smoke detector going off at 2am because he was cooking a cheese sandwich and fell asleep while it got black in the toaster oven.

What is the #griefheart project?

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Into the light heart— #griefheart number 233

Into the light heart

Two teens at the beach. Two teens touched by the story of Charles. Two teens on spring break send me this heart. How sweet is that?

Thank you Sam and Alex. Thank you for taking mental illness and suicide prevention out of the shadows and into the light.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Sweaty heart— #griefheart number 232

Sweaty heart

This one reminded me of Charles because he always made me laugh and I think this one is funny as hell. It’s right where the heart is which makes it that much more hilarious. It was fun having a built-in comedian in the family and I really miss that.

I have to wonder what my friend Laurie told this guy when she took the picture! So this is a project about grieving and sometimes that grief journey includes laughter.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

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Trashed heart— #griefheart number 230

trashed heart
Trashed heart

Sometimes it feels like my heart is in a dumpster.

Crumpled, disposed, smashed, beaten up, ugly, dirty and stepped on. In short, trashed pretty much sums it up some days since I lost Charles to suicide. Fortunately, not all days are this bad.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Heart of love— #griefheart number 228

heart of love
Heart of love

I’m walking the dog today and I see this on the sidewalk. I wonder about the story behind it. It’s not new but I walk over it every day and never saw it before. How could I have missed it? Especially something so fit for this project.

It represents the love I still have for Charles even though he died by suicide. Love that has nowhere to land somedays because he’s not physically here to receive it. So it rests heavy in my chest.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

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Celery heart— #griefheart number 227

Charles loved wings at Buffalo Wild Wings. Hated the celery that came with them. Hated just about any vegetable and made fun of me for liking celery.

I remember when someone told me that if Charles had a better diet it might help with his depression. I definitely agree. Despite raising him with the right foods in the house, Charles had the worst diet ever and he was far too stubborn to change it. He was a grazer who liked to eat at 1am. Whenever I have celery, it reminds me of the wings he loved and the celery he … Read more...

Apple of my eye heart— #griefheart number 226

Apple of my eye
Apple of my eye

Charles was my cherished youngest child. The baby of the family and the apple of my eye.

The grief that is now part of my life after losing my child to suicide, is something I am learning to live with. It represents the love I have for the child I lost.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Love of junk food— #griefheart number 225

love of junk food
Love of junk food

No one had a worse diet than Charles. He was not raised that way and I refused to buy it. Charles would find it at someone else’s house.

His favorite was candy, of course. But chips and anything that was processed was a-OK. Donuts, Doritos, Cheetos, Funyuns, Chex Mix etc. He even wrote a song about snax. It’s pretty funny. Oh how I worried his diet would cause health problems later. Since he died by suicide it seems so trivial now to have worried about junk food. But that’s what moms do.

What is the #griefheart

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Locked in my heart— #griefheart number 224

Peggy took this in Arizona after their locked bikes were stolen off their RV. Her sister commented,”Love the photo of the locks – keeps the perspective that our best ‘possessions’ are locked in our hearts.”

So true. I can lose stuff. Losing my child makes ‘stuff’ seem incredibly unimportant.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

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Bob’s heart— #griefheart number 223

He was Chef Rob to his many students–all of whom adored him. He was Bob to us. He didn’t die from suicide or overdose. He died of kidney cancer. It was so fast and so furious.

Why roses? Every year at Steeple Chase in Georgia, Bob would prepare a menu that he’d send several months in advance. While others in spots next door were eating from buckets of chicken, we were enjoying a 5 star meal made by one of the top chefs in Alabama.

On the round table in the middle of our space was a white linen tablecloth … Read more...

Teen heart— #griefheart number 222

I spoke to the Swift Creek YMCA leader’s club last night. This was my second visit. A few of these members were in the now famous video by Cosby High School student Alex Chaffee.

We talked about Charles, suicide, mental illness and addiction. We reviewed the contrast of Charles’ tweets when he was feeling good with those tweets that were posted towards the end of his life so they know what to look for in friends as well his social media posts that illustrate wanting to die–posts we often dismiss as a joke.

Then we read some scripts. Each person … Read more...

Sweet potato heart — #griefheart number 221

This one is so perfect for Charles. If there was a child that was sweet, it was him. And it has a flaw. Not a terrible flaw but a flaw nonetheless.

I think Charles had a hard time accepting his flaws could be gifts. He only saw depression as terrible when in fact I think those that suffer from depression see things others cannot. I wish he could have seen it.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Be part

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Gifted heart— #griefheart number 220

gifted heart

Grief is a gift because it represents the love I still feel for my son, Charles who died by suicide. My friend Kay sent this to me. She carries a similar one in her handbag to remind her of her mom who died a few years ago.

I have to tell you that before I started this project, I was not a fan of hearts. Now I see them everywhere. And I have you guys seeing them everywhere. Thank you for making grief OK.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

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Love remains— #griefheart number 219

love remains

Despite the fact Charles has left this earth, my love for him remains. Sometimes it’s hard to know where to put it and it makes me ache.

This photo a gift from my friend Dani. She spotted 25 feet away while walking in the woods.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Family Matters – a rap by Charles Aubrey Rogers

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Organ donor heart— #griefheart number 219

One of the mom’s who is part of the village here, sent me this. This was given to her family by Midwest Transplant. Her son’s organs gave life to so many others. A blessing in the loss.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Not my child

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