Heart of a blue bird—#griefheart number 284

I got this card from a dear neighbor, Roxann, on Charles’ birthday week. We used to live across the street from her family and watched her kids grow up before they moved away around middle school. They were the best neighbors. She and her husband have two lovely daughters.

So in the card, Roxann tells me that she and her husband were talking about their time in Virginia and they recalled a story about Charles. (We moms who’ve lost a child love to hear these stories.)

Her husband Pete mentioned how much he loved Coaching the T-ball team that … Read more...

One reason to live

by Tamara Rollinson

tamara rollison
Tamara Rollinson

I remember when the Netflix series came out, “13 reasons Why.” I didn’t get past the preview, thinking I had enough real-life tragedy and wasn’t interested in immersing myself in such a sad story, regardless of the overarching messages it may have had.

I know death

I know what it is like to find the father of my child – my husband of years ago – dead from an overdose. Suicide was cause of death.

Logan

I know what it is like to whisper in my teenage son’s ear as he lies in … Read more...

Goodbye normal life

by Christine Dudek

I wish I had the words to describe the deadness that occupies the places in me where other things once lived – -things like humor.

It seems like I have a sense of humor at times but everything is shallow. The depth that I used to experience and feel is gone. Pain is what I feel deeper and more often than any other feeling. I feel that even more than I feel love.

I swear sometimes the miss, and the sorrow, and the regret are so deep that my bones ache.

Bone sad.

I hate being still … Read more...

Typical hurt day

Wrung out, cried out and feeling the dull ache of ‘miss you Charles.’

Not wanting to get out of bed. But I do.

Not wanting to run. But I do.

Nothing I can grab onto. Sinking.

I want to fix this. But I can’t.

Trying to get out of my own head. But stuck.

Trying to get things done. So unproductive.

Trying to feel normal. Impossible.

Thinking of ways to jumpstart myself. No energy.

Try to straighten my bent posture. I need a crowbar.

Talking to the air. It doesn’t talk back.

Begging for a sign. I get … Read more...

We don’t heal by holding grief in

You don’t “get over” the loss of a child, or any other un-timely loss. You simply get used to living with grief by incorporating it into your life.

Grief can’t be denied or buried, stuffed or ignored. You can’t refuse to acknowledge it. It can’t be put on hold.

Booze and drugs won’t fix it.

The only way I know how to deal with it is to let it happen. Dive right in. What other choice do we have?

Time doesn’t heal grief

Time helps.

It’s the act of seeking and getting help, taking care of yourself, giving back and … Read more...

Into the light heart— #griefheart number 233

Two teens at the beach. Two teens touched by the story of Charles. Two teens on spring break send me this heart. How sweet is that?

Thank you Sam and Alex. Thank you for taking mental illness and suicide prevention out of the shadows and into the light.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

The grieving runner

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Life cut short heart— #griefheart number 215


Charles’ life was sadly cut short, but love remains. And it always will. Just because I lost my child to suicide, doesn’t mean I stopped loving him.

My childhood friend and schoolmate, Leigh, saw this in Dupont Forest a few weeks ago and sent it. Pretty incredible find.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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10 things I learned from Charles

 … Read more...

Colorful heart – #griefheart number 178

Charles always had a lively and colorful personality. He could make anyone laugh. I think that’s why so many couldn’t believe he suffered from depression. He didn’t get the chance to understand that it could be treated or that the world was not a better place without him in it.

This one from Margaret via Beka. Thank you!

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

9 Things I no longer tolerate since my

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Cute as a button heart – #griefheart number 162

charles-richardCharles was so cute. Everyone thinks that about their child. Charles is on the right. Charming, effervescent and full of bubble and fun. We never went anywhere his life that the whole room did not react to him like moths to a flame.

He had “it” and now he’s gone, a tragic suicide as the result of depression and addiction. And you know the worst part? He was ashamed of his illnesses. I think part of that is why he killed himself. It’s time we stop shaming people. Who’s in?

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart projectRead more...

This is what I live for. It doesn’t get better than this

It’s letters like these that make my life worth living since Charles’ suicide. Warning. It will make you cry. A good cry. It is so thoughtful and well written. If the author is out there, thank you. This truly defines my purpose. I have removed identifying information to protect the sender’s identity. 

Mrs. Rogers,

I have tried writing to you many times, but have felt like it may be inappropriate for me to reach out to you because I had so little interaction with Charles, but I’ve been keeping up with your blog and after reading about how Charles was … Read more...