Category: #griefheart

These are the #griefheart pictures representing my grief journey

Mystery heart— #griefheart number 218


So my friend Connie goes out to her mailbox and low and behold this is on her driveway. From where? She doesn’t know. When she went back out, it was gone. Her son is out there somewhere. Unfortunately, her family has suffered intensely from her son’s addiction for over 12 years.

Those cracks represent the broken hearts and lives that are lost as a result of this opiate epidemic. Some from overdose. Some from suicide like my son. And still others from drug related deaths such as accidents and illnesses from long-term use.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain … Read more...

Valentine’s heart— #griefheart number 217

I bought my child that died by suicide his own valentine. And some conversation hearts. It’s tradition. I was shopping for cards and I saw one that said, “I love you this much.” I broke down in tears. I did this one a while back that said just that. So since I had already “sent” that to Charles, I sent that card to Richard. It’s a card for a 7 year old. He will love it.

This one is for my big-hearted child. I so miss it. God I miss it. Love you Charles. Forever and ever.

What is the

… Read more...

Dishwasher heart— #griefheart number 216

This one was hiding in my friend Jenny’s dishwasher. Emptying the dishwasher was the first chore I ever texted to either of my kids. Back when all the moms and dads were complaining about their kids texting instead of calling, when text messaging was new, I was sending chore lists to my kids because they got done!

Well, in Charles’ case, almost done. He’d always leave a couple of things in the top rack and some rogue glass in the bottom rack. Like he was just done with it and had to go. It was hard enough to get Charles … Read more...

Night heart— #griefheart number 214

I saw this tonight as I was walking the dog. As my flashlight hit the plastic garbage can, I caught this heart in a glimpse. Charles saw a lot of dark because he didn’t sleep well. So when I saw it I thought about all the times he spent in the dark alone as a result of his depression and sleep issue diagnosed as Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.

As soon as I saw it, I felt a pang in my own heart. Lack of sleep makes depression so much worse and I know in his final hours he had not … Read more...

Semi colon heart— #griefheart number 213

semi colon heart
Semi colon heart

Today, for the first time since Charles left Cosby High School to go to a therapeutic boarding school, I went back to speak to a club of health science kids about mental illness, suicide and the high school program I have developed with teens to eliminate stigma. I was hit by a lot of emotion in the parking lot.

I so appreciated the opportunity to appeal to this generation not to carry forward the stigma of mental illness that blocks access to care and prevents many from reaching out for the help they need. After 7 years, this … Read more...

Blog Birthday heart — #griefheart number 212

Happy birthday blog heart

One year ago today, I just started writing. I had just finished writing this article and realized how much it had helped me deal with the most devastating loss of my life, my youngest son’s death by suicide.

But then someone asked, “How can I subscribe?” So I added a sign up form. More of you kept sharing, and we reached more people. And then more and more. My first goal was 10k by the end of one year. But by the end of February, that goal had been met. I had no idea what it would become and decided … Read more...

Graveside heart — #griefheart number 211

Graveside heart

Angie just recently lost her son. Another loving soul became a victim of this opiate epidemic. Another mom joined the club no one wants to be in. She was visiting Michael’s grave and someone had left this. Such a sweet gesture. At first I thought it was a potato! On closer inspection I saw it was a rock. It’s been just 6 weeks for Angie, Michael’s mom.

I have to confess, I don’t feel like a rock today myself.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest … Read more...

Suicide coalition heart — #griefheart number 210

Shirley Ramsey brought these to our suicide coalition meeting tonight to celebrate Virginia AFSP chapter awards. And we all reflected on how finally doors are opening and people are listening and doing something about mental health, substance misuse and suicide.

I’ve been an mental health advocate for 7 years and I swear doors were so tightly closed on those subjects I couldn’t have gotten through with a stick of dynamite. Today I am thankful  to feel a shift in attitudes as it relates to mental illness. I feel change. Keep sharing. It’s working and it’s time.

What is the #griefheart

… Read more...

Purple heart– #griefheart number 209

Purple heart

So most of you have heard of a purple heart for war veterans.

This is a pretty purple heart for the wounds I bear for having lost my son to suicide. I will have the battle scars of that loss until the day I depart this earth. But until then, I am going to make the most of this life while I am here and carry on the legacy of love that my son stood for.

Thank you to Kathy for this one. I knew immediately what it would be.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts… Read more...

Heart on a roll – #griefheart number 208

This is a heart found in garbage bags. I could see it as my heart feeling like garbage. But I don’t. I see it as a positive sign to find a heart in the most unlikely of places–a roll of garbage bags.

I feel like we are gathering some momentum. On a roll so they say. This one from my new teen friend Alex who has gotten together a crew for me at a local high school to go over the final details of the mental health awareness social media program I am working on for teens and young adults. … Read more...

Pristine heart – #griefheart number 207

Pristine heart

Charles loved snow. Where we live now is a giant hill in Forest Hill park and he’d beg his Dad to take him to that hill. As I go by there now, I remember how much he loved it.

I also remember visiting him at the Family School, a therapeutic boarding school in Hancock, NY. When we got there all the teens were sledding down the hill having a ball.

One of the administrators, America, a tyrant and their least favorite person, came out and demanded they sled one after another in a single file line like third graders. … Read more...

Exposed heart– #griefheart number 206

Exposed heart

I definitely expose my emotionally naked heart here on this site since the death of my son by suicide. I’m not sure how or why I got comfortable with that but it has helped me find others who are on this journey. It’s helped me work through my pain and not feel ashamed of my hurt.

By exposing myself and putting myself out there, slowly but surely I am finding peace and purpose. Thank you Megan for sending this road-worthy #griefheart.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on … Read more...

Heart damage— #griefheart number 205


My heart has suffered permanent damage since the death of my son by suicide. That does not mean I cannot ever find joy. It doesn’t mean I can’t ever have fun. It just means I need to adjust to having a heart that will hurt.

I met with a new friend today. And she reminded me that if this had not happened, I would not have met many of the wonderful new people I have met including all the lovely people who have contributed hearts to this project. I love that it’s become a group effort. This one from Texas. … Read more...

New Year’s heart— #griefheart number 204

New Year’s heart

My friend Julie started a tradition a few years ago that a bunch of us would take a hike on New Year’s Day. Then we eat and drink afterwards. We volunteered our home to host the event starting last year since we are so close to the river. It was just 3 months after we moved in and 6 months after we lost Charles to suicide and it was a great distraction for us.

Six of us in this picture have lost a child and I want to take a moment to mention the names of these children. Jackson Ramsey, 16, died by … Read more...

Christian’s heart — #griefheart number 203

Christian’s heart

From Anne Moss: This from a 15-year-old in Germany who lost two friends this year. While searching online for information on her friend Charles, a young man who died of heart failure, she found this blog. She read about the #griefheart project and  submitted this for her other friend, Christian, who died by suicide. 

From Jule: “This is a #griefheart for my long-time school friend Christian (August 13, 2000 – November 1, 2016) who unexpectedly ended his own life this Halloween night at the age of 16.

In the picture is a matching bracelet we bought seemingly an eternity ago when … Read more...