New Year’s heart— #griefheart number 204

My friend Julie started a tradition a few years ago that a bunch of us would take a hike on New Year’s Day. Then we eat and drink afterwards. We volunteered our home to host the event starting last year since we are so close to the river. It was just 3 months after we moved in and 6 months after we lost Charles to suicide and it was a great distraction for us.

Six of us in this picture have lost a child and I want to take a moment to mention the names of these children. Jackson Ramsey, … Read more...

SpeakUp heart – #griefheart number 143

The SpeakUp5k is an event intended to inspire conversation about mental illness. I went alone and right before it started, a young lady named Bethany came up and introduced herself and we ran together. She knew Charles and she was also friends Cal Riley who died by suicide almost 2 years to the day before Charles.

I had been having a very difficult day up until then and I wondered if I would be crying during the whole race but meeting Bethany brightened me up. We both believe our guardian angels brought us together.

Thank you Jenny Derr, mother of … Read more...

Puppy love – #griefheart number 127

Eleven months ago  Chaney Corley who was only 13 was pronounced dead. It was a death by suicide overdose and she had been rushed to the hospital. I met her parents online after they read my article about honoring my son Charles who died by suicide. The article published in February of 2016 and their loss was still so raw.

I feel like I know Chaney now. In this picture, she is making a heart with her first boyfriend and they snapped a picture of it. This one in honor of her upcoming death anniversary next month because I can’t … Read more...

Rock solid heart – #griefheart 126

I’ll be holding you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms again.

This sent to me by my friend Melissa. Someone close to her sent it when she was having a difficult time. And she sent it to me for the same reason. Every day is a tough day still since Charles’ suicide. Thank you guys for reaching out. And those other moms out there in the same club, this is for you, too.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this … Read more...

Grief: Going all ‘hallmark’ on you

grief quote

Grief and I have gone from not knowing each other at all to knowing each other well. What I thought it was compared with what it really is, are so far apart, I have to laugh. But then did I really want to know?

I thought it was only about sadness.

But it’s so much more.

The hair loss, hot flashes, memory losses, sleeplessness, shock, numbness, tiredness, daydreaming, memories, helplessness, pain, isolation, fear, heaviness and waves of despair are part of it.

Then there is that craving for just one more something from the one you love — the unfinished business that a suicide … Read more...

Lyrical Heart -#griefheart number 40

Charles had a way with words. From stories he wrote to songs he rapped, he was something else with a pen. This was his way of coping as it is mine.

He would take these magnet words and make the funniest sentences that only Charles could think of. He was master of funny. Such a creative genius.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing 

Read more...

Musical heart – #griefheart number 8

#griefheart Musical heart #8
Musical heart

“I found my place amongst these beats
And my passion with these stanzas.”
–Charles Aubrey Rogers, 1995-2015

This one is inspired by two songs I thought were lost forever. Charles loved his rap music. He was rarely spotted without those earphones around his neck or earbuds in his ears.

The iPod pictured is one we got for him in 8th grade. He loved it. It held tens of thousands of songs. These are what helped him cope and inspired his writing. You might think of rap music as “bad” but I think without it, Charles would have exited a long … Read more...

4 grief phrases that make your journey more painful

griefThese might also apply to a death of a loved one that is not a suicide.

However, my grief experience is with the suicide of my son, Charles so I wrote from that point of view.

quote-leftI will never get over it

A suicide, or any untimely death, is not something you “get over.” It’s a journey that changes over time. You’ll always miss your loved one but you learn to carry them with you. Saying something as dour as “I’ll never get over it” merely brings you down emotionally. It shatters your hope of having a life and finding … Read more...