The turning point. When did things start to go wrong?

charles middle school

Adolescence is when things with Charles started falling apart–around 2010. I was scrambling around trying to help him keep it all together. I started to see signs that were alarming but I couldn’t get a handle on it.

In 5th grade and middle school, Charles’ teachers kept telling me that he was unprepared for class and was often jumpy and nervous when he realized everyone had their materials out but him. It was all still manageable enough at this age.

He did have ADHD. And a sleep disorder. But I felt like I didn’t have the whole picture. I researched non-stop.… Read more...

Night heart— #griefheart number 214

I saw this tonight as I was walking the dog. As my flashlight hit the plastic garbage can, I caught this heart in a glimpse. Charles saw a lot of dark because he didn’t sleep well. So when I saw it I thought about all the times he spent in the dark alone as a result of his depression and sleep issue diagnosed as Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome.

As soon as I saw it, I felt a pang in my own heart. Lack of sleep makes depression so much worse and I know in his final hours he had not … Read more...