Category: #griefheart

These are the #griefheart pictures representing my grief journey

Death Anniversary Heart– #griefheart number 56

Death Anniversary Heart
Death Anniversary Heart

This #griefheart represents all the love and support we have received since Charles’ suicide. It is made up of the grief cards we got after Charles’ death June 5, 2015.

Charles died 4 days after we sold our house, so we moved and I’m not sure this is all of them. But it has to be most of them. It’s a big heart from people with big hearts for a child with a big heart.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog … Read more...

Escape Heart– #griefheart number 55

cloud-heart
Escape Heart

From Charles’ rap song, Run Free:

“Leanin’ on clouds up in heaven with my rap feelin’ free at last
Floatin’ through the present
I ain’t focused on the past”

I hope he has found peace. Still working on finding mine. Thank you Megan for capturing the sky scene I’ve been trying for months to capture.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Cuddle Heart – #griefheart number 54

Cuddle Heart
Cuddle Heart

This was sent to me by another mom, Angel, who lost her daughter to suicide. Their kittens had a litter and three of them were napping and she snapped a picture saying it reminded her of my #griefheart project.

It reminded me what a great cuddler Charles was. More than Richard, Charles needed hugs and reassurance. He always needed more love and compassion than my independent older child (whom I adore, of course). No one gave a better hug than Charles.

Even as a toddler his hug just made me cry it was so full of feeling. … Read more...

Tearful Heart– #griefheart number 53

Tearful heart
Tearful heart

I will always have smiles, and tears, for my son Charles. He had no idea how much me meant to us and to others at that last dark moment when he took his own life.

My neighbor Wendy Holt organized things to drop off after he died by suicide. And one of those things was lots of boxes of kleenex which we needed. I use fewer tissues now than I did at first.

But like my friend Dan Dodson said, you will always be emotional at life events no matter how long it’s been. And my cousin Nimocks said … Read more...

Hidden Heart– #griefheart number 34

Hidden Heart
Hidden Heart

Blame it on grief brain, but I miscounted. #griefhearts number 34 and 35 got left out. So that there is not a gap, I am sliding in this number 34 after 52.

Mathematicians will hate it. But who says you have to always count in order? It is, after all, a creative project. Charles couldn’t put anything in order either. So it’s perfect.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.… Read more...

Pop Tart Heart– #griefheart number 53

Pop Tart Heart
Pop Tart Heart

Charles pretty much had the worst diet ever. If it was a processed food, he loved it. And he loved those brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts. Oh how I worried about his teeth.

I didn’t buy pop tarts but Randy would buy them “for the kids.” When I saw these in the pantry today (can’t use that “bought them for the kids excuse any more), it reminded me of Charles and made me smile.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by … Read more...

Camo Heart – #griefheart number 52

Camo Heart
Camo Heart

On this memorial day, we honor those we’ve lost in battle as well as those we’ve lost to internal battles.

There is no camouflaging the high suicide rate for both active duty troops and veterans which is roughly 50% higher than the national rate. Twenty two veterans every day die by suicide.

Transitioning to life after service is difficult and PTSD, depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses plague our troops and veterans. Thank you Nancy Smith, Westover Hills neighbor, who invited me into her home to use the military medal and the background.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain … Read more...

Beach Heart – #griefheart number 51

#griefheart
Beach Heart

I remember the number of beach trips we took as a family–most great and one disastrous (that story coming soon).  The great memories outweigh the bad. If it weren’t for my family during those years when we were paying so much for care related to Charles’ mental illness and drug abuse, we would not have had any vacations at all. Not that I resent spending the money because I’d do it all over again to try and save my child.

Thank you to both sides of my family giving us breaks. And thank you to Debbie Rosenbaum, a champion of the … Read more...

Love to live for– #griefheart number 50

#griefheart
Love to live for

I told Richard, my oldest son and Charles’ brother, what I wanted to do for my #griefheart. I had a hard time getting my hands high enough for his tall self so he kept squatting. He is stifling a laugh over my lack of being able to make a decent heart with may hands.

Dante, his roommate, is trying to hold the camera behind me and in front of my hands. Even funnier.

Both of them are more interested in the attractive wait staff and hostesses than my project by picture 12. Like two year olds I … Read more...

Boardwalk Love – #griefheart number 49

49-heart

Shortly after Charles’ suicide, someone carved or wrote this on the dock at the pavilion at Woodlake in Midlothian Va where Charles grew up. A mom snapped a photo and sent it to me. Sorry but I can’t remember who sent it. We had sold the house 4 days before he died and we had to move. My life at that point was such a blur. To whomever sent it, thank you.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.… Read more...

Unloved Heart – #griefheart number 48

#griefheart
Unloved Heart

I am always doing hearts about what Charles loved. But today, I’m doing one about something he did not love. And that’s broccoli and pretty much any food in the category of green unless it was a piece of candy.

We were cooking broccoli and we couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of all the ways Charles would make fun of broccoli. He couldn’t eat something that looked like trees.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.… Read more...

Love from Pie – #griefheart number 47

Love from Pie
Love from Pie

This heart is in memory of Maggie Moyler who died by suicide at the age of 17 in 2011. Above is her signature.

I knew Maggie as a young child because the Moylers went to the same church we did in Midlothian. She was adorable–an absolute light. She looked like a child right out of a Gap ad and I thought the Moyler’s had the perfect family.

Years later, after Charles died by suicide in June 2015, Charlotte contacted me from their new home in Williamsburg and told me Maggie had died by suicide at 17. I had not … Read more...

Lipstick Heart – #griefheart number 46

Lipstick Heart
Lipstick Heart

This heart is to raise awareness for the 45% increase in suicide rates in females from 1999-2014.

Middle-aged women 45-64, had the highest suicide rate among women and the largest increase– a whopping 63%. For females 10-14 years old, the suicide rate increased threefold between 1999 and 2014, a particularly alarming statistic.

I believe lack of resources and lack of conversation regarding mental illness are just two of the reasons suicide has gotten this promotion. Chances are your children know someone at school who has either died by suicide, attempted suicide or talked about it.

Please have a conversation about suicide in your family. It … Read more...

Super Heart – #griefheart number 45

#griefheart
Super Heart

Charles loved super heroes. The “man of steel” was his favorite. All super heroes have some pain in their past and I think now he identified with that.

He was always intrigued with super powers and used to talk of mechanical hands and flying as late as eighth grade. I think he hoped a super power could fix him.  And maybe a super power did.

This S is for Suicide Awareness. Thank you all for helping me spread awareness of a subject cloaked in silence.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See … Read more...

Dragged through the mud – #griefheart number 44

43-dragged-thru-the-mud

It’s been a long time since I’ve made a mud pie. But I made one today. I do feel like I’ve had a grief relapse lately. When I’ve talked to other moms in this “club,” they tell me it’s the result of being close to the death anniversary of June 5. It’s my first so I didn’t know what to expect.

There is some comfort knowing where it’s coming from. It just feels like your heart has been dragged through the mud–sluggish and unmotivated. I just try to remind myself that grieving is healing.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my … Read more...