Category: #griefheart

These are the #griefheart pictures representing my grief journey

Father’s Day heart – #griefheart 70

Father's Day Heart
Father’s Day Heart

Whether it’s a healthcare related death, an overdose death or a suicide, this #griefheart is dedicated to the Dads who are grieving the loss of a child.

You may also be celebrating with other children, your own Dad but you have permission to grieve, too.  Men don’t get as much support as women do but I know you hurt just as much even if you don’t show it.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Men get little support
… Read more...

My birthday heart – #griefheart 69

My birthday heart
My birthday heart

Today is my birthday. Richard came home but of course Charles is only here in spirit. Miss my boy who died by suicide a lot today.

Thank you for all the notes, texts and calls. I was so happy to see my friend who is incarcerated today. When he walked in the pod I burst into tears because it was such an emotional day. Randy made this heart for my birthday. For those of you that know him, doing this is a big deal.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts… Read more...

Stormy heart – #griefheart 68

Stormy heart
Stormy heart

So my cousin Lee Anne and I are coming back from after lunch today and both of our necks snap as we spot this off in the distance.

This tree is all split all up from the violent thunderstorm last night–large tree limbs everywhere. She and I spotted this from the car off in the distance at the same time and said in unison we say, “A griefheart!” I can’t even figure out how nature made this one. It’s like the storm carved it out of the wood at the top just for me.

Since my son’s suicide, there are many … Read more...

Relive the love – #griefheart 67

replay

When you lose someone you love to suicide, you want a replay, to go back and try again. Just one more chance. Just one more hug. Your heart replays the scenarios over and over until it hurts. As time goes on, you forgive yourself more but sometimes relapse to the replay.

Life has no reverse or replay button. So hard to accept.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.… Read more...

Love of drama – #griefheart 66

Love of drama
Love of drama

Charles loved the stage. And it loved him. Stand up comedy, rapping, plays. I spoke here June 15, 2016 in Richmond, VA about our journey since losing him to suicide at age 20 and the #griefheart project. Such a supportive crowd for Talk20 Richmond. I saw the face and thought, “That’s a #griefheart!”

From his drama teacher at Wasatch Academy where he graduated high school.

“I brought a group of Comedy class students to Cedar City where Off the Cuff, a professional group of Improvisers, graciously allowed us to perform with them. Charles was amazing and … Read more...

To Orlando with Love – #griefheart number 65

To Orlando with love
To Orlando with love

I dedicate today’s #griefheart in honor of the families suffering insurmountable grief after the mass killing in a LBGT nightclub in Orlando. This, right after media attention was already focused on Orlando because of Friday night’s fatal shooting of Christina Grimmie. She was an up-and-coming singer who had appeared on NBC’s “The Voice.” Her shooter then killed himself.

The mass murderer’s x-wife said she thinks her ex was mentally ill. Only 3%-5% of violent acts can be attributed to individuals living with a serious mental illness.* In fact, people with severe mental illnesses are over … Read more...

Hindsight Heart – #griefheart number 64

Hindsight heart
Hindsight heart

When a loved one dies by suicide, you think of all the things you should have, would have, could have done. Even if it’s not a suicide, you blame yourself. Hindsight is always clearer.

At first, those coulda-woulda-shouldas haunt you until you learn to let them go. Not that you ever release yourself completely but you do let go enough to find peace. I’m not perfect and I have to accept his death and know I didn’t cause it and I couldn’t cure it.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on … Read more...

Shredded heart – #griefheart number 63

#griefheart
Shredded heart

When you lose someone you love to suicide, your heart literally feels like it’s gone through a shredder. More than once.

Healing your shredded heart emotionally is a complex process of ups and downs. A year after Charles’ death, I am healing, adjusting, accepting. One day at a time. There are days it feels like it’s in pieces.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.… Read more...

Classic heart – #griefheart number 62

classic heart
Classic heart

I was shopping today and hoped I’d run into some inspiration for my #griefheart. I was walking back to my car, disappointed I had not seen anything that inspired me and I stopped in a store that I like.

While I was making a purchase, the sales lady happened to mention that Panera had given her the wrong soup. I can’t remember what I said that prompted that conversation but I saw she was alone in the store so I offered to take it back and get her the kind she wanted. It was just next door.

So when I … Read more...

Cradled heart – #griefheart number 61

Coming to terms with Charles’ suicide–heartbreaking.  Figuring out how to move forward without him? The biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. For the rest of my life, I’ll carry his heart with me. And that will have to be enough.

Thank you Mary Don Shumaker for this gift.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

… Read more...

Martin Heart- #griefheart number 60

Just 3 weeks after Charles died by suicide, there was a family less than a mile away that also died by suicide. The same way. Death by hanging. His name was Drew Martin and at that time, I didn’t know his mom, Pat. But I know her now. We don’t think it was a copy cat incident for a number of reasons. Just a horrible coincidence.  

From Pat Martin:

“I saw this carved in the sidewalk while walking around Lake Michigan. Not only did the initials stop me in my tracks because they were Drew’s, but the handwriting is so … Read more...

Next speaking engagement about the #griefheart project!

#griefheart
#griefheart project for suicide awareness

Talk20 -15th Edition

My Topic: The #griefheart Project
When: Tuesday June 14, 2016, 6pm
Where: 201 W 7th St, Richmond, VA 23224
Phone: (434) 906-0374
REGISTER

Description: Talk20 is a gathering of creative people showcasing what’s cool, interesting, and creative in Richmond. There are eight presenters and the only rule is that they have 20 slides and 20 seconds per slide to tell their creative story.

I’ll be taking my 6 minutes to showcase the#griefheart project. What’s the feeling and purpose behind it, what I have discovered and what it has inspired.… Read more...

From the Heart- #griefheart number 59

#griefheart
From the heart

This lovely #griefheart is from Daisy Meadows from my home town. It’s her garden and in the center is a shell, making this one of my prettier #griefhearts. With it she wrote this poem that brought me to tears.  No one should have to take a grief journey alone and the support has made all the difference. This one is truly heart to heart. Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful gift to this project.

Awakened those in hiding
Given courage to other’s through your own
Helped other’s unknowingly
Slapped the ignorant to a stunning awakening… Read more...

Yellow Diamond Heart- #griefheart number 58

Diamond Heart
Diamond Heart

This #griefheart is one in a pair of earrings I bought while working for an awesome dealer/friend in NY.

I was desperately trying to sell them years later to help pay for the support services we needed for Charles before he died by suicide. Treating mental illness and addiction is not cheap and we had gone through $260k in our efforts to help him.

At some point, your money runs out as it did in our case. I had sold so many things. But these did not sell fast enough. I didn’t want to look desperate even though I was. And … Read more...

Pizza Party Heart– #griefheart number 57

#griefheart project
Pizza Party Heart

We celebrated the life of my son on his death anniversary of June 5 this weekend Charles’ style. With a party. He loved pizza. He loved his friends and family. He loved parties.

This event was hosted by Beacon Tree Foundation VP and board member, Steve Gennett and his neighbors, part of the Pizza Patio in Richmond, VA.

Lovely event and I do so appreciate family visiting and friends who attended.  Made a tough weekend more manageable. This pizza illustrates the love and compassion I received at that event–from people I know and those I don’t know. So so … Read more...