Yellow Diamond Heart- #griefheart number 58

Diamond Heart
Diamond Heart

This #griefheart is one in a pair of earrings I bought while working for an awesome dealer/friend in NY.

I was desperately trying to sell them years later to help pay for the support services we needed for Charles before he died by suicide. Treating mental illness and addiction is not cheap and we had gone through $260k in our efforts to help him.

At some point, your money runs out as it did in our case. I had sold so many things. But these did not sell fast enough. I didn’t want to look desperate even though I was. And during that last phone call when I’m thinking of where I’d take him if I could get to him, we had to face the reality that there was no more money. If only……

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by#griefheart category.

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Published by

Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and my book, Diary of a Broken Mind, will be published in the fall. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory. Professional Speaker Website

3 thoughts on “Yellow Diamond Heart- #griefheart number 58”

  1. Your post hits a note here at our home. I’ve kept a history of personal expenditures during our journey with both of our sons. Stunning numbers that proved unsuccessful, categorically. Inheritance, 401k’s, savings and of course personal items all for what became an eventual outcome. Detox. In jail. Again and again. High priced residential facilities, detox hospitals and sober living homes from sea to shining sea became the new normal for over 10 years. The industry created by addiction and mental health issues is stunning. When an addict reaches his or her lowest point, the bigger picture costs are personal property going missing to very shady pawn industry that preys on this population, criminal lawyers, judicial costs, privatized jail services that charge the inmate (phone, food, even the cell a prisoner occupies) along with probation, and high tech tether programs that make rehabilitation facilities a deal.

    As parents we made most decisions based on our misunderstanding of the disease. Fear of our children hurting themselves, fear of the people they’ve become, fear that friends and family will be unsympathetic, flat-out fear of the stigma attached. Our journey has stopped being fearful. Now it’s a weird sense of vigilance. We’re lucky (I do not use that term lightly) both of my sons are breathing, they are working, they won’t be able to work in the fields they were academically trained to pursue due to low level use felonies but they’re here. They’re moving forward inch by bloody inch.

    1. I can relate Steve. And you are indeed lucky both of yours are still breathing. Unfortunately my son chose to end his fight after many setbacks. He was once “kicked out”of a local facility after approaching his doc (in an attempt to be open & honest) & confessing to taking one non-narcotic pill when offered by a peer. Despite still being in the process of detoxing & insurance approving him for 30 days in-patient rehab, the dr. discharged him even though the social worker & several other staff stood up for him. Don’t think I can ever forgive that doc. Then following a stay at a local MH rehab facility, he was turned down for job assistance by Voc. Rehab. b/c he had four felony arrests although he was never even brought to trial or convicted. If I sound bitter, I suppose I am. My 28 y/o son, Tyler took his life 6 mos. ago yesterday. RIP.

      1. It’s so heartbreaking that you think you get somewhere and then someone you count on such as medical community or the police do something that undoes everything you’ve worked for. That story kills me Tjwanna.

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