Category: #griefheart

These are the #griefheart pictures representing my grief journey

Love an addict – #griefheart number 159

love-an-addict

Many of us love or have loved an addict. Their disease is not who they are and I want you to know that even when they are actively using, their real selves are alive and suffering. I can see from Charles’ rap lyrics before his suicide that he felt deeply when he was using. That he hated himself, felt guilty, ashamed, depressed and ostracized. But I love him and hated the disease.

quote-left My actions were ugly , teenage druggie, looking for anything to numb me, pathetic, scummy.
But you still love me. I would cry when I wanna die and … Read more...

Loupey love – #griefheart number 158

Loupy love
Loupey love

The instrument in this picture is a 10x loupe (pronounced loop). They are used in the jewelry industry examine diamonds, for example. This loupey heart photo sent to me by my friend Denise, a fellow diamond lover. I use mine to help me examine my prongs, make sure my ring is clean and for occasions when someone shows me a family heirloom or takes me with them to look at engagement rings for a fiancé-to-be. Yeah, it’s a little obsessive to own one.

I worked with a diamond dealer in NY, Diamonds by Lauren, for many years. And Charles met David, the owner, … Read more...

Pair of pebble hearts – #griefheart number 157

The heart of mother and child are a pair forever.  This sweet pair of pebble hearts sent to me by my friend, Melissa and reminded me of mine and Charles’ heart. Together forever.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

The letter from heaven I wish I would get

… Read more...

Neon flashing heart – #griefheart number 156

After 6 years of mental health advocacy, speaking out, being on TV and radio interviews, doing presentations, videos, writing articles, starting this blog, risking rejection by speaking out and all but throwing myself in the middle of the street with a neon flashing sign, we are seeing change. I am referring to understanding that mental health and addiction are illnesses. It’s the collective effort and sharing of millions who are tired of the stigma surrounding substance abuse disorder and mental illness.

Not that we are done. But more people are speaking out and things are starting to … Read more...

Living the dream heart – #griefheart number 155

My friend Shirley sent me this heart. Living the Dream Foundation an organization started in Culpepper, VA. The foundation and this #griefheart is in memory of Ben Long who suffered from depression and addiction and died by suicide like my son, Charles.

The Foundation works to increase community awareness and education about substance abuse, depression and suicide; provide information on available resources for those in need of services; and raise funds to support local prevention programs.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this … Read more...

Puzzled heart – #griefheart number 154

My heart is often puzzled. Why did this happen? Why didn’t I know? Why wouldn’t he admit to suffering from depression?

I can only speculate and his lyrics have helped me figure it out as much as I will ever know. It’s just really hard to put the pieces of your life back together again. To figure out your direction and purpose. To be able to pull yourself up from the depths of despair and live again.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog … Read more...

Logan’s heart – #griefheart number 153

logan-neale

This heart is in special remembrance of Logan Neale, a 19-year-old from Midlothian, Virginia who died in a truck crash. Logan was an avid runner who discovered that athletics could help him cope with his anxiety and depression. Logan also struggled with an eating disorder and suicidal ideation.

Like many with depression, Logan was empathetic about others suffering from mental illness and he believed in breaking the stigma that kept people from seeking the care and support they needed.  Like Charles, Logan attended Wasatch Academy in Utah. His mother retrieved this heart from the tree where he died.

The 2016 … Read more...

Oyster heart – #griefheart number 152

Oyster heart
Oyster heart

This oyster heart reminds me of all the family beach trips we took over the years at the Outer Banks. The last trip we took, Charles was suffering a depressive episode and it was hard to get him out of the basement room. He always denied suffering from depression which makes you truly feel helpless and even question if it’s your imagination. I would gently nudge him about coming outside and he’d come out and skim board for a bit and then go back in the basement.

When we went shell hunting, Charles would pick up any shell. He wasn’t … Read more...

Waterspot heart – #griefheart number 151

This heart will disappear in the hot sun. The love for my son who died by suicide will never disappear.

Thanks to Bethany for seeing this and snapping a picture before it vanished.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Don’t talk me out of my tears

… Read more...

Beaded heart – #griefheart number 150

These are the beads from the Out of the Darkness walk. Each color strand represents a particular loss. I was part of the bead ceremony which is an opportunity to honor our loved one and our loss. Here’s what the strands represent.

White – Lost a Child
Red – Lost a Spouse or Partner
Gold – Lost a Parent
Orange – Lost a Sibling
Purple – Lost a Relative or Friend
Silver – Lost First Responder / Military
Green – Struggled Personally
Blue – Support the Cause
Teal – Friends and Family of Someone Who Struggles

I really enjoyed my … Read more...

Ethereal heart – #griefheart number 149

This sort of ghostly twilight zone style heart was sent to me by Dani. For whatever reason when she took the picture, her husband’s orange shirt somehow got reflected in the shot when he was not in it.

Neither of us can explain it but it did remind me of something “other worldly” reminding me of Charles.

From Dani- “I was taking pictures on the beautiful back roads of Virginia and uploading to Facebook. I literally had just seen the pictures you posted of the ‘Out of the Darkness’ walk and when I went to crop and upload, this shot … Read more...

Mutt love – #griefheart number 148

Who knew animals had so many hearts on their fur! Charles loved dogs. Any breed from pedigreed pooch that came over on the Mayflower to the ugliest mutt you’ve ever seen.

He loved all animals really. Except spiders. He had an unnatural fear of them. Like his mom. Miss my boy who died by suicide and all his quirks. This one from my friend Melissa.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Get updates to this project by subscribing

Why

… Read more...

Out of the Darkness heart – #griefheart number 147

There is a walk for suicide awareness and prevention called “Out of the Darkness” walk. I am participating on #TeamCharlesRVA this weekend to celebrate his life and that of others we’ve lost to suicide. To acknowledge our loved ones and their struggle and bring awareness to a subject that needs more conversation.

The color white is for those of us who have lost a child by suicide and this white ribbon represents that. This will be my first Out of the Darkness walk.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts… Read more...

Heart on a string – #griefheart number 146

Heart on a string
Heart on a string

I can’t free my heart from my baby. When he died by suicide, it was tethered to my child forever.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on this blog by #griefheart category.

Funny Story. Charles was a roller coaster tycoon
… Read more...

Love and friendship – #griefheart number 145

From Kelly Greer about her granddaughter’s friend, Paris.

“Our granddaughter’s childhood friend took her own life this Spring (2016). She was only 14 years old. Those girls were inseparable. This is handprint art they made with a print from each of their hands. Her name was Paris. She was beautiful and we miss her.”

This is what the #griefheart project is all about. Being able to honor and share memories of those we miss who have died by suicide.

What is the #griefheart project?

I explain my #griefheart project here.

See all #griefhearts so far on pinterest or on … Read more...