I am a grieving mother. Even though it’s been over a year, I have moments of sadness when I want, need, to cry. Not a wail fest followed by a flood of tears. Just a tearful moment.
I don’t always need to be distracted, or talked out of my tears. I need to release them, have you understand and just let me talk about my son for a minute.
Tears aren’t a contagious disease or a sign of weakness but a testament that I loved someone that I lost. It means I am trusting you enough to let you see that side of me without shame. Otherwise I would just leave and go hide in the car and cry alone. Grief is isolating enough. A death by suicide so stigmatizing and so full of self blame.
So when you say, “What can I do to help?” I just want you to listen for a skinny minute. Allow me my moment of suffering. Because I can’t bounce back if I don’t let it out.
Tears mean I am strong enough to acknowledge hurt and let grief happen instead of stuffing the emotion deep inside of me.
Crying is OK.
I do have support groups and friends to go to in the event it’s a full out grief relapse. Those of you in the club know what I mean. We are not afraid of each other’s tears.
Getting used to living without the child I raised is a difficult journey and I am learning to incorporate grief into my life. It will change but it will always be part of my life. And if you are a friend of mine, you can’t let it scare you. It’s healthy and sometimes I need the compassion of real live human beings.
Please don’t be afraid of tears.