Don’t talk me out of my tears

tears

I am a grieving mother. Even though it’s been over a year, I have moments of sadness when I want, need, to cry. Not a wail fest followed by a flood of tears. Just a tearful moment.

I don’t always need to be distracted, or talked out of my tears. I need to release them, have you understand and just let me talk about my son for a minute.

Tears aren’t a contagious disease or a sign of weakness but a testament that I loved someone that I lost. It means I am trusting you enough to let you see that side of me without shame. Otherwise I would just leave and go hide in the car and cry alone. Grief is isolating enough. A death by suicide so stigmatizing and so full of self blame.

So when you say, “What can I do to help?” I just want you to listen for a skinny minute. Allow me my moment of suffering. Because I can’t bounce back if I don’t let it out.

Tears mean I am strong enough to acknowledge hurt and let grief happen instead of stuffing the emotion deep inside of me.

Crying is OK.

I do have support groups and friends to go to in the event it’s a full out grief relapse. Those of you in the club know what I mean. We are not afraid of each other’s tears.

Getting used to living without the child I raised is a difficult journey and I am learning to incorporate grief into my life. It will change but it will always be part of my life. And if you are a friend of mine, you can’t let it scare you. It’s healthy and sometimes I need the compassion of real live human beings.

Please don’t be afraid of tears.

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Anne Moss Rogers

I am the mother of two boys and the owner of emotionally naked, a site that reached a quarter million people in its first 18 months. I am a writer and professional public speaker on the topics of suicide, addiction, mental illness, and grief and currently working on getting a book published. I lost my youngest son, Charles, 20, to suicide June 5, 2015. As talented and funny as Charles was, letting other people know they matter was his greatest gift. And now the legacy I try and carry forward in my son's memory.

4 thoughts on “Don’t talk me out of my tears”

  1. Tears are all part of the process of grieving…you need to grieve so you can move through all the stages of loss..you dont want to get ‘stuck’ in depression or anger..hugs to all you mom’s who have lost their children to this awful disease..by continuing to keep it on the forefront of everyone’s minds we all need to keep fighting this battle until we have won!

  2. I agree wholeheartedly with what you just expressed Anne Moss–Thank you for sharing–This new way of life is a tough journey and people shouldn’t shy away when our voice starts to crack or a tear slips from our eyes. And yes, I want to talk about my Charliejohn as you want to speak about Charles–they existed and will forever be in our hearts and thoughts— I always say people have to walk a mile in one’s moccasins before they can understand or judge–I never thought I could experience such pain, loneliness or abject sorrow–your posts are helpful to me –again thanks

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