Some days, it’s a struggle to get out of bed and face the day. Charles is the first thing I think about in the morning, the last thing I think about when I fall asleep. Still.
But I do it. I keep that pilot light of hope lit by putting my feet to the floor. Some days are harder than others. Bright sunny days, it’s easier. Drab, rainy and cloudy days are more of a challenge. But I will get up every day because I have a purpose. And I can’t work towards that purpose wallowing under my … Read more...
So days and days of rain. I go to improv last night and one of my class mates says, “Did you see that rainbow earlier?” No, I missed it!
So I take the dog out for a walk today. Still no rainbow. But wait. There is one. I was looking in the wrong place. It’s not in the sky, it’s on the sidewalk. And it survived the rain? Yes, that’s a griefheart. A heart of hope.
Graffiti Heart – #griefheart number 22 My cousin Lee Anne was down at Manchester area of Richmond, Virginia where they were painting murals. I was with her the first day and she went back for day 2.
She asked one of the artists to paint a heart in the middle of his project. And so there is now a #griefheart in the murals near downtown that is Charles’ heart. Thank you Lee Anne for #griefheart number 22.
I had my Richmond, VA cousins over and made this cake. It was a nice evening. My cousin Mel just lost her Dad and instead of taking her food, we had everyone over. A piece of my heart will always be missing especially at family get togethers. Charles loved family more than anything. He talked about them here in this song called Family Matters.
Chaney is my #griefheart today. It’s not just “my” journey, this is a journey for millions of people suffering a suicide loss. And today, this heart is in honor of Chaney Corley who was only 13 when she died by suicide in September of 2015.
I met Tony and Angel Blackmon online after they read this article I wrote in February 2016. By Chaney’s Hands is a non-profit in Kentucky and they are doing their first fundraiser on the first day of youth mental health week, May 1, 2016.
Charles was all heart and This is part of a card sent to Charles by his beloved theatre group in his sophomore year (I think) in high school and Mrs. Fretwell, his favorite teacher ever. Charles had cracked his skull, supposedly on a skateboard accident. But later we found out he’d cracked his skull “car surfing.”In his sophomore year, Charles was engaging in riskier and riskier behavior which is, by the way, a sign of suicide and depression.–that cavalier attitude about life being a red flag.
This accident in the hospital was the first time Charles took opiates. We had been
This was the heart that presented itself on our way back from our grief walk on Charles’ birthday. Even after a death, life keeps happening, new life keeps emerging. Important reminder that we still need to live. I never had to think about that before
For me, the birthday is the hardest. I imagine what he’d be doing at the same time his picture has not aged and he is forever frozen at age 20. His friends have moved forward, graduated from college, gotten jobs, gotten married. He turns a year older to our family but the day is not preceded with the typical Charles banter of what kind of celebration we are going to have on his big day.
Happy birthday my love. You would have been 21 today, April 26, 2016. I will carry you in my heart forever.… Read more...
Every limb feels heavy and the heart inside the body that carries them. I didn’t know grief had such a physical effect. Every move feels like I’m trudging through quicksand. One day I will feel lighter and it won’t press on me like it does now. But today, all the why’s about my son’s suicide are stalking me. I keep saying, “I will survive. I will survive.” And I will. I wish I knew how.
To my boy- You are weighing on my heart today Charles. One of those days I can hardly breathe. I’ve been reading your music and … Read more...
Charles’ Grandparents, Meemaw and Grandpa, live in Georgia but are currently traveling in Arizona. Myra sent this today. Love to my baby boy, 20, who spent last two birthdays (April 26) with his grandparents. My heart does feel like stone it’s so heavy.
Thanks to the Rogers and Nimocks clan as well as Godfather Gene for your messages. Thanks to cousin Byll for offering to help orchestrate an art show when the #griefheart project is done. And Charles, Party like it’s 1999!
This heart was sent to me by Debbie Morrison. It appeared on the beach, she took the picture and sent it by text today with the message, “Thinking of you.”
It represents the waves of love and outpouring of support I have gotten since Charles died. Support which has been so important to my aching heart. As such, it had to become part of my #griefheart project as that support is part of my grief journey.
It’s my first heart that is nature made.
Thank you Debbie, Alison, Sophia, Kathleen and Laura. I hope you have a grand time at … Read more...
The first time we did this, I thought it was #iamnotashamed but it’s #imnotashamed. I’m and not I am.
I am sending this to TeamNotAshamed today so it was only fitting to make it today’s #griefheart. Rachel Griffen, a singer songwriter, had an article recently in the Washington Post. And she started the movement asking those with mental illness to speak up. Thank you Rachel.
If moms and dads, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends speak up about those who died by suicide, we could save more lives.